| Question Title | Posted By | Question Date |
|---|---|---|
| Need for courage | Phil | Wednesday, October 2, 2013 |
Question: I already questioned you some time ago about my dilemma: I had a child out of wedlock with a woman, we are living together raising the child, she is a good mother, a hard worker, intelligent and caring, but we have very little in common and I have no intention of marrying her. I am really only here for the sake of our beautiful child who I love very much. I don't want to paint her as a bad person at all, in fact I would describe myself as the greater sinner. But she has no interest in her faith and sacraments and I'm feeling spiritually stifled and stunted in this arrangement. Our child is too young to understand anything now, which is why I think the time is coming for us to separate before he is more aware of things. The child adores us both and I want to see the child as often as possible. My fear is that his mother will become very upset, make things very difficult ( financially I will have to go into greater debt to move already) - and of course I do not want to hurt her or cause her pain, or of course our chid. We co-exist very peacefully, almost separately as we don't like the sake foods or habits of the other person, and obviously we are not intimate. Chastity and purity has always been difficult for me, and I do feel I do not have a vocation for marriage, definitely not with her, or anyone else for a while. I just want to concentrate on fatherhood, my work and spiritual life. I do not talk to her at all about anything spiritual anymore, she does not take it seriously. Essentially we only talk about child rearing. I need faith and courage to move ahead. I am full of worst case scenarios and catastrophes in my head. I could use some clarity. One priest in confession suggested I pray to 'always be a source of joy and peace to my child, and that he always have joy and peace and know that God loves him'. The problem is, my discouragement and self- condemnation over the while thing is really weakening my prayer life. Any suggestions? My experience is that anytime I have disregarded Catholic morals I have caused suffering to myself and others. |
||
| Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), CCL, LTh, DD, LNDC
Dear Phil: My advice remains the same as in the previous Q&A. You need to move out at your earliest opportunity for the sake of the child. If you continue in a state of the sin of concubinage, or even in a chaste state of "roommates," it will give the child that wrong moral message. As for the problem of discouragement and self-condemnation, you need to get over yourself. This is pride. In terms of sin, when we have confessed sin, that sin no longer exists, we are no longer condemned, and God restores us to sanctifying grace. How dare we continue to condemn ourselves when God does not. In terms of your current arrangement as I understand it, you are no longer sexually active with this woman, thus the issue of mortal sin is not really the issue. The issue is the consequences of sin and bad decision making. Those circumstances must be resolved. That means that you must move out as soon as possible. In the meantime, live chastely, avoid the near occasion of sin with her, and if anyone asks tell them you are platonic roommates (which you are). Feeling discouraged and self-condemning because you are in this dilemma of living with a woman not your life, and with child, is also a problem with pride. Man up and accept your lot in life, accept what is, and work toward correcting the situation. Sit down with her and have an adult conversation about things like child support and your visiting the child. Then make plans for you to live elsewhere as soon as you are able. As for as future "worst case scenarios and catastrophes," stop it. To worry about things that have not happened yet is foolish and debilitating. You need to deal with "what is" today. If you make the right decisions today, then the future catastrophes may never happen, but if they do God will give you the grace to deal with it. We cannot make bad decisions, or morally incorrect decisions, because there may be future negative consequences. We must always choose the correct and morally prudent decisions. Jesus said:
Take one day at a time. Make the right choices today. Let tomorrow take care of itself. When tomorrow comes, you will then seek to make the right decision for that day, but not before that day. We are praying for you. God Bless,
Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum
|
||