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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
re: want to confront abuser	Liesel	Friday, January 2, 2009
Question: Yes, I have already forgiven my abuser, and forgiven him in the name of Jesus Christ. But to not talk to him about it seems like I'm just sweeping it under the rug; ignoring the 'elephant in the living room.' I know he is still actively pursuing children, and he still treats me (and everyone else) cruelly (though I treat him respectfully). He is very old and sick and approaching the end of his life...I don't understand how you think it is best to NOT confront him. Doesn't he urgently need to know that there is no time to delay repentance and conversion?
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Liesel: I am glad to hear that you have forgiven your abuser. Part of forgiveness is to let go and let God take care of him. Your last post placed this in the context of healing for you. Confrontation will not really help the healing process. That is why I answered the way I did. You have introduced new information in this post that was not in the previous one. From this post it sounds like you are in regular contact with him and thus have that "elephant in the room." If you have never confronted him about this you might do so now. He might break down and ask you for forgiveness. But don't count on it and keep in mind that to confront him may make matters worse. To confront him so that you may heal is unlikely to work, to confront him as a subtle retribution is improper, but, to confront him with the motivation you mentioned of concern for his soul is very proper and laudable. If you do that remember that your job is not to convince him, but only to present the message of God's love, mercy, and forgiveness. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convince. Thus, once you have expressed to him your concern for his soul, your responsibility is finished, other than to pray for him. The rest will be up to him. The other new information presented in this post is that he may still be seeking to molest children that certainly needs to be confronted by the police. As to you making any kind of confrontation and the nature of this confrontation, as Mary said to the men at the wedding of Cana, "go ask Jesus and do what he tells you." God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

re: want to confront abuser

Liesel

Friday, January 2, 2009

Question:

Yes, I have already forgiven my abuser, and forgiven him in the name of Jesus Christ. But to not talk to him about it seems like I'm just sweeping it under the rug; ignoring the 'elephant in the living room.' I know he is still actively pursuing children, and he still treats me (and everyone else) cruelly (though I treat him respectfully). He is very old and sick and approaching the end of his life...I don't understand how you think it is best to NOT confront him. Doesn't he urgently need to know that there is no time to delay repentance and conversion?

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Liesel:

I am glad to hear that you have forgiven your abuser. Part of forgiveness is to let go and let God take care of him. Your last post placed this in the context of healing for you. Confrontation will not really help the healing process. That is why I answered the way I did.

You have introduced new information in this post that was not in the previous one. From this post it sounds like you are in regular contact with him and thus have that "elephant in the room." If you have never confronted him about this you might do so now. He might break down and ask you for forgiveness. But don't count on it and keep in mind that to confront him may make matters worse.

To confront him so that you may heal is unlikely to work, to confront him as a subtle retribution is improper, but, to confront him with the motivation you mentioned of concern for his soul is very proper and laudable. If you do that remember that your job is not to convince him, but only to present the message of God's love, mercy, and forgiveness. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convince. Thus, once you have expressed to him your concern for his soul, your responsibility is finished, other than to pray for him. The rest will be up to him.

The other new information presented in this post is that he may still be seeking to molest children that certainly needs to be confronted by the police.

As to you making any kind of confrontation and the nature of this confrontation, as Mary said to the men at the wedding of Cana, "go ask Jesus and do what he tells you."

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.