Dear Ron:

What you are describing is a serious habit, bondage or addiction to the sin in question. In today's world, sexual addictions, for example, are pandemic. It may be the number one addictive sin in our society.

For those with habitual sins the feelings of unworthiness, hypocrisy, and reticence to even go to Confession is rather normal. A common question is "how can I have a good Confession when I know that I will do it again."

God is a loving God. He understands the struggle you have with habitual sin. In His love He has given us the Sacrament of Confession which not only forgives our sins and reconciles us with our Lord and with the Church, but is also a healing sacrament. The Sacrament of Confession heals our wounded soul.

Our confession is a good confession if we have sorrow for our sins (contrition), repent of our sins (turn away from the sin) and promise a firm purpose of amendment (to not only repent, but to take whatever steps needed to avoid the sin again).

This contrition, repentance, and purpose of amendment can be offered even if you are pretty sure that you will likely commit the sin again, and even commit it soon.

When we go to confession we confess sins already committed. If we have that contrition and repentance for those past sins and promise to try not to do it again (even though the likelihood that you will), then your confession is good and you are restored fully into God's friendship. This confession is not looking forward to sins that haven't been committed yet, but to the sins that have already been committed.

But, what about the firm purpose of amendment? How can I have that when I am pretty sure that I will commit the sin again?

Firm purpose of amendment does not mean we will succeed. It means that we will try. The strength of the addiction may be such that to actually stop can be very difficult and may take years to accomplish, but that does not mean that we cannot try. We need to try.

What does that mean? To try means that we need to do the things that may help us to stop the sinful behavior. The strategies to stop the behavior may have to be practiced for years before we succeed in stopping the repetitive sin, but we need to continue those strategies, persevere in our trying, until some day we can conquer the fleshly passions.

Thus, you can come out of Confession knowing and having confidence that God loves you and that you are free from sin and restored to God's friendship. You are clean.

The cleanness will last until the next time you sin. When that next time happens you go back to Confession and come out clean again. Do we not take a bath each time we are dirty? Confession is a spiritual bath. No matter how many times we dirty our souls, that bath is available to cleanse our souls.

Jesus was asked how many times forgiveness should be offered. He said 70 times 7 (Matt 18:22) meaning that there is no limit. This is the greatness of the forgiveness of our God. No matter how many times we sin, if we come to Him and offer our sorrow for sin He will forgive. 1 John 1:9 says: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all iniquity." God is not a liar so we know that He will keep His promise when we come to Him and confess our sins.

Do not fail to come to God in the Sacrament of Confession. Our Lord Father is a loving father and He waits for us to come to Him so He can forgive us.

Our Heavenly Father is never put-off by our pleas for forgiveness. He is happy to hear us come to Him to ask forgiveness even if we just committed the sin 5 seconds ago. Each time we commit a grave sin we ought to immediately say a Act of Perfect Contrition and then get to Confession at the earliest opportunity.

I don't think you mean patronizing. That word means to have a superior attitude, contempt, and disdain. I think you mean presumptuous, which means to go beyond what is right or proper; to be excessively forward. God never sees our sincere pleas for forgiveness as presumptuous. He wants us to come to Him. It is proper to ask forgiveness whenever we sin. Thoughts that we should not pray for forgiveness immediately after our sin is coming either from pride born of guilt, or from thoughts inspired by the devil who does not want us to seek forgiveness.

When you have these feelings you need to reject them and think about the objective truth that God wishes us to pray for forgiveness and that when we confess our sins He will forgive us.

Reject you feelings about this, and proclaim the truth. Go with what you know to be true instead of what you feel to be true. And you know that it is true that God wants us to ask forgiveness because God says so and God does not lie.

As far as being an otherwise good and devout Christian yet all that seems to go out the open window when it comes to these sins of the flesh -- the reasons involve the power of addiction and bondage. There are many men and women who are otherwise devout Christians that are in bondage to sexual sins. There is hope.

We need to learn to keep passing open windows. This is a strategies taught in our support group for people with sexual addictions, the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiction Recovery (CSGSAR). Groups like this can be critical in helping us overcome an addition, break a bondage, and heal our souls.

One of the articles in that support group that is open to the public is, 12 Steps to Ensure a Pure Heart and Mind.

We invite you and all who struggle with sins of the flesh to join CSGSAR.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary