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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Pornography Bondage HELP	Kim	Thursday, February 14, 2013
Question: Hello Brother, I am a cradle Catholic but not in full communion with the church because my spouse was previously married. We married 10 years ago outside the church and have a beautiful family. He agreed for me to raise the kids Catholic so the children are all practicing Catholics. I miss dearly the sacraments. My spouse has dragged his feet through the years about getting an annulment from his first marriage due to his fears and lack of respect for my wishes and lack of respect for the church after the sex abuse scandal. He's not Catholic by the way but is Christian. Please pray for me and my family. Unfortunately I have dealt with impurity my entire life. I've had impure thoughts, and as a child I experimented from age five-ten with other girls and boys my age. There was a lack or supervision during gatherings anytime my peers (friends, family, and neighbors) would get together and we would touch and kiss while the grown ups were in other parts of the house. Fortunately, by the grace of God the physical acts with others ended when I was 10 after my mom caught family members my age committing these acts, but for me the physical acts with others transferred to masturbation and impure thoughts which have plagued me through the years. To make a long story short as I apologize for the long winded details, I have been turning to pornography on my cell phone and cable TV three times a month for about a year. This is the worse ever. Every time I try to stop or think it's behind me I fall into temptation again and commit the same sin. I pray to God that one day soon I will be freed from this sin and that my marriage is blessed in the church. Without the sacraments how will I beat this? I hate this sin. Please pray for me that I am opened to your guidance. I feel like I'm trapped in complete bondage to pornography and impurity. When I'm in this state often I feel like I'm on autopilot. Where can I go to get help? What can I do? Thank you and God bless. And please remember my family in your prayers.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r) Dear Kim: Your story is remarkably similar to my own. By the time I was 12 I was addicted to pornography and masturbation. It took about 38 years to overcome the addiction. Of course, as it is with any former addict, there will always be a struggle, but I thank God the addiction is healed. Our apostolate runs the very first online support group for Catholics with sexual addictions. It is called the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiction Recovery. We have had 1000s of people come and go over the years since 1998. We have around 450 people right now in the group. I would suggest that you join our group. There are women and men with similar problems who can share their experiences in struggling with these compulsion. There is also a special section for women only, and a section we call the Accountability Logs, where you may, if you wish, log your progress, and other people can comment to help you. We have developed a "20 Steps to a Pure Heart and Mind", which if followed diligently can promise freedom from the compulsions. These twenty-steps and a few other resources are available to the public. The Discussion Group itself is anonymous and open only to members. The group is on a secure server for added protection and those who join do not use their real names. I invite you to join CSGSAR. As to the necessity of the Sacraments, I am afraid that dealing with your compulsion without the Sacraments will be hard, not impossible, but much harder. I would appeal to your husband, if he loves you, will consider your feelings and needs. He does not have to become Catholic, but he does need an annulment and then you marriage to be regularized in the Church. He should do this for you, out of love, regardless of what he thinks of the Church. As for the Church, the sex scandal involved less than 2% of priests from cases mostly in the period of the 1950s to the 1980s. The incidents of new cases has gone dramatically down. Other denominations and organizations, such as public schools, have a far greater rate of sex abuse. Christianity Today, a prestigious Evangelical Protestant magazine, reported some years ago that in a survey 30% of Protestant pastors admitted to sexual impropriety with their parishioners. Nevertheless, this involves not the Church, but priests and bishops within the Church, teachers who work at schools, other clergy in nearly all denominations. It is not the fault of the Catholic Church, Protestant Churches, or schools that some of their members sin and commit crimes. None of these institutions approve of these sex crimes. To blame the Church for the sins of a very few of its members, is the same thing as blaming and condemning your husband's family because some family member committed a crime. It is not his family's fault that one of its members committed a crime. It is not the fault of the Church for the sins of its members, not even of the priests and bishops. We each must be responsible for our own sins and not blame institutions for our sins. But, this is not about convincing your husband about all this. This is about his loving you enough to proceed with an annulment because he loves you and wants to see that your needs are met. To put it bluntly, I am sorry, but for him to refuse this is not an act of love, but a selfish, prideful, and petty position on his part. This is not a big deal. The papers are filled out, and submitted, and that is it. One just waits about a year to hear back. If the annulment is granted, then he must follow up on an act of love, and agree and participate in the regularizing of your marriage. At that time, you may go to Confession and begin again a Sacramental life, which will not only help with your compulsions, but will strengthen you spiritually and psychologically as it will bring you closer to God. We will be in prayer for you and your compulsions, that you may be healed. We will also pray for your husband to do the loving thing and do what is necessary for you to return to the Sacraments. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Pornography Bondage HELP

Kim

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Question:

Hello Brother, I am a cradle Catholic but not in full communion with the church because my spouse was previously married. We married 10 years ago outside the church and have a beautiful family. He agreed for me to raise the kids Catholic so the children are all practicing Catholics.

I miss dearly the sacraments. My spouse has dragged his feet through the years about getting an annulment from his first marriage due to his fears and lack of respect for my wishes and lack of respect for the church after the sex abuse scandal. He's not Catholic by the way but is Christian. Please pray for me and my family.

Unfortunately I have dealt with impurity my entire life. I've had impure thoughts, and as a child I experimented from age five-ten with other girls and boys my age. There was a lack or supervision during gatherings anytime my peers (friends, family, and neighbors) would get together and we would touch and kiss while the grown ups were in other parts of the house.

Fortunately, by the grace of God the physical acts with others ended when I was 10 after my mom caught family members my age committing these acts, but for me the physical acts with others transferred to masturbation and impure thoughts which have plagued me through the years. To make a long story short as I apologize for the long winded details, I have been turning to pornography on my cell phone and cable TV three times a month for about a year. This is the worse ever.

Every time I try to stop or think it's behind me I fall into temptation again and commit the same sin. I pray to God that one day soon I will be freed from this sin and that my marriage is blessed in the church.

Without the sacraments how will I beat this?

I hate this sin. Please pray for me that I am opened to your guidance. I feel like I'm trapped in complete bondage to pornography and impurity. When I'm in this state often I feel like I'm on autopilot. Where can I go to get help? What can I do? Thank you and God bless. And please remember my family in your prayers.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r)

Dear Kim:

Your story is remarkably similar to my own. By the time I was 12 I was addicted to pornography and masturbation. It took about 38 years to overcome the addiction. Of course, as it is with any former addict, there will always be a struggle, but I thank God the addiction is healed.

Our apostolate runs the very first online support group for Catholics with sexual addictions. It is called the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiction Recovery. We have had 1000s of people come and go over the years since 1998. We have around 450 people right now in the group.

I would suggest that you join our group. There are women and men with similar problems who can share their experiences in struggling with these compulsion. There is also a special section for women only, and a section we call the Accountability Logs, where you may, if you wish, log your progress, and other people can comment to help you.

We have developed a "20 Steps to a Pure Heart and Mind", which if followed diligently can promise freedom from the compulsions. These twenty-steps and a few other resources are available to the public. The Discussion Group itself is anonymous and open only to members. The group is on a secure server for added protection and those who join do not use their real names.

I invite you to join CSGSAR.

As to the necessity of the Sacraments, I am afraid that dealing with your compulsion without the Sacraments will be hard, not impossible, but much harder.

I would appeal to your husband, if he loves you, will consider your feelings and needs. He does not have to become Catholic, but he does need an annulment and then you marriage to be regularized in the Church. He should do this for you, out of love, regardless of what he thinks of the Church.

As for the Church, the sex scandal involved less than 2% of priests from cases mostly in the period of the 1950s to the 1980s. The incidents of new cases has gone dramatically down. Other denominations and organizations, such as public schools, have a far greater rate of sex abuse. Christianity Today, a prestigious Evangelical Protestant magazine, reported some years ago that in a survey 30% of Protestant pastors admitted to sexual impropriety with their parishioners.

Nevertheless, this involves not the Church, but priests and bishops within the Church, teachers who work at schools, other clergy in nearly all denominations.

It is not the fault of the Catholic Church, Protestant Churches, or schools that some of their members sin and commit crimes. None of these institutions approve of these sex crimes.

To blame the Church for the sins of a very few of its members, is the same thing as blaming and condemning your husband's family because some family member committed a crime. It is not his family's fault that one of its members committed a crime. It is not the fault of the Church for the sins of its members, not even of the priests and bishops. We each must be responsible for our own sins and not blame institutions for our sins.

But, this is not about convincing your husband about all this. This is about his loving you enough to proceed with an annulment because he loves you and wants to see that your needs are met.

To put it bluntly, I am sorry, but for him to refuse this is not an act of love, but a selfish, prideful, and petty position on his part.

This is not a big deal. The papers are filled out, and submitted, and that is it. One just waits about a year to hear back. If the annulment is granted, then he must follow up on an act of love, and agree and participate in the regularizing of your marriage.

At that time, you may go to Confession and begin again a Sacramental life, which will not only help with your compulsions, but will strengthen you spiritually and psychologically as it will bring you closer to God.

We will be in prayer for you and your compulsions, that you may be healed. We will also pray for your husband to do the loving thing and do what is necessary for you to return to the Sacraments.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.