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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Possible Spiritual and Emotional Problems	Crystal	Monday, October 24, 2011
Question: Dear Brother, I want to thank you for the recent post you have answered, but I have been wanting to ask this question for quite some time as there are some issues in my life that I need help with. I feel a lot of pain from people of my past who have hurt me emotionally, but I don't know if some of the pain is spiritual too. For example, my ex-boyfriend who I was involved with several years ago, was addicted to sex whereas he loved porn and showed a lack of respect toward women. I didn't stay with him long, as I left him but every relationship afterwards seemed awkward and I really do not trust men and have no interest in having a relationship or marriage, as I don't want to be emotionally hurt again. Also, after leaving him, I inadvertently developed an eating disorder whereas I couldn't digest my food properly which caused me to lose a lot of weight. I do eat now and I'm healthy, but I also have complications such as Acid Reflux and IBS due to anxiety and I'm not at the weight I would like to be. The two other people who have affected me were my Sister and my Uncle. My Sister and I are half sisters as we have the same Mother, but different Fathers. She is deceased now, was 11 years older than me and was jealous me, as she tormented me as a child by scaring me with an inanimate object and whenever I see this thing; I become panic striken! Whereas I feel this is how my anxiety began. She also would say cruel things about my father and how he was crazy. I did not know my Dad, as he died 2 months before I was born, which was revealed to me later in life that he committed suicide; but my Sister found it amusing to taunt me about this. The other person was my Uncle who lived with me during the early 90's to 2003, however passed away this year. He was addicted to alcohol and eventually went into rehab to get clean and then lived on his own. However, he was always co-dependent on others and I took care of him the majority of my teenage and adult life which was a heavy impact upon myself, but he also was very rude, critical and would tease me constantly about my appearance as I once was very chubby; which affected my self-esteem. I have tried very hard to forgive these individuals, but I keep thinking about how they affected my life and how it is difficult for me to move on, as I feel physically and emotionally drained. Are these problems that I have described more Spiritual or Emotional and should I seek counseling? If so, do you provide Spiritual Counseling? As the inanimate object my Sister use to scare me with is demonic, but because I do not want to mention what it is because of embarrassment; could I e-mail you to describe it? Could you give me some insight, as I want to feel better and obtain happiness and joy in my life. Thank you, God Bless, Crystal
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r) Dear Crystal: You have many issues here that really need the assistance of a psychologist or counselor. For example, on the distrust of men, while it is understandable, even though that were not all bad. From what you have described I would suggest that a fundamental source of your problems is the issue of forgiveness. Those who do not forgive, but hold grudges, bitterness, and resentment, can actually develop physical problems in addition to psychological issues. Certainly there will be spiritual problems. As Christians we are required to forgive all who hurt us. Jesus said that if we do not forgive other then He will not forgive us: (Matt 6:14-15) For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. It is imperative that we forgive others and forgive ourselves. To not forgive is to risk our soul. The question arises, however, exactly how are we to do that? After we forgive someone especially if they've hurt us very badly? People find it hard to forgive because they have misinformation about the meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an emotion, it is a decision of will. It doesn't matter how we feel about the person, we can make a deliberate decision the will to forgive them. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. At the time that that cliché was invented the term, "forget", meant to "let go". Thus, the more accurate phrase is not, "forgive and forget", but rather, "forgive and let go." We need to let go of the past, and let go of the people who have hurt us, and get on with our lives. As long as we hang on to the bitterness and resentments we will continue to be hurt even if person who hurt us as been dead for 25 years. In reality is we ourselves who hold ourselves in bondage to that person who has hurt us. If one sees their abuser walking down the street we can cross the street to the other side to avoid him yet still forgive him. To forgive someone does not mean that we have to be friends with them. It is not mean that we have to have dinner with them. We can dislike the person and still forgive them. This is a topic that we deal with almost every day with our clients. We have a pamphlet that describes what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not to help you to understand that forgiveness is not quite as hard as you might imagine. The name of the pamphlet is Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness (pdf file). I would also recommend the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance linked below. Since you have listened yourself as a non-denominational Christian if you are uncomfortable with some of the prayers in the Seven Steps that include traditional Catholic language you can reword those prayers. Our agency does not provide psychological counseling. We specialize in spiritual counseling, spiritual direction, and it needed, deliverance. If you need help going through the Seven Steps we can provide you with personal consultation and spiritual counseling. In the trials and tribulations of our lives we need to remember the promises of God. God is not a liar, he keeps his promises. Some of those promises are: (Rom 8:28, 37-39) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (1 Cor 10:13) No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (2 Cor 10:4-5) The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Read these promises carefully and often. Offer these verses as a prayer. Take comfort that God loves you and will never leave you. Trust in Him, and Be Not Afraid. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Possible Spiritual and Emotional Problems

Crystal

Monday, October 24, 2011

Question:

Dear Brother,

I want to thank you for the recent post you have answered, but I have been wanting to ask this question for quite some time as there are some issues in my life that I need help with.

I feel a lot of pain from people of my past who have hurt me emotionally, but I don't know if some of the pain is spiritual too. For example, my ex-boyfriend who I was involved with several years ago, was addicted to sex whereas he loved porn and showed a lack of respect toward women. I didn't stay with him long, as I left him but every relationship afterwards seemed awkward and I really do not trust men and have no interest in having a relationship or marriage, as I don't want to be emotionally hurt again.

Also, after leaving him, I inadvertently developed an eating disorder whereas I couldn't digest my food properly which caused me to lose a lot of weight. I do eat now and I'm healthy, but I also have complications such as Acid Reflux and IBS due to anxiety and I'm not at the weight I would like to be.

The two other people who have affected me were my Sister and my Uncle. My Sister and I are half sisters as we have the same Mother, but different Fathers. She is deceased now, was 11 years older than me and was jealous me, as she tormented me as a child by scaring me with an inanimate object and whenever I see this thing; I become panic striken! Whereas I feel this is how my anxiety began.

She also would say cruel things about my father and how he was crazy. I did not know my Dad, as he died 2 months before I was born, which was revealed to me later in life that he committed suicide; but my Sister found it amusing to taunt me about this.

The other person was my Uncle who lived with me during the early 90's to 2003, however passed away this year. He was addicted to alcohol and eventually went into rehab to get clean and then lived on his own. However, he was always co-dependent on others and I took care of him the majority of my teenage and adult life which was a heavy impact upon myself, but he also was very rude, critical and would tease me constantly about my appearance as I once was very chubby; which affected my self-esteem.

I have tried very hard to forgive these individuals, but I keep thinking about how they affected my life and how it is difficult for me to move on, as I feel physically and emotionally drained.

Are these problems that I have described more Spiritual or Emotional and should I seek counseling? If so, do you provide Spiritual Counseling? As the inanimate object my Sister use to scare me with is demonic, but because I do not want to mention what it is because of embarrassment; could I e-mail you to describe it?

Could you give me some insight, as I want to feel better and obtain happiness and joy in my life.

Thank you,
God Bless,
Crystal

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r)

Dear Crystal:

You have many issues here that really need the assistance of a psychologist or counselor. For example, on the distrust of men, while it is understandable, even though that were not all bad.

From what you have described I would suggest that a fundamental source of your problems is the issue of forgiveness. Those who do not forgive, but hold grudges, bitterness, and resentment, can actually develop physical problems in addition to psychological issues. Certainly there will be spiritual problems.

As Christians we are required to forgive all who hurt us. Jesus said that if we do not forgive other then He will not forgive us:

(Matt 6:14-15) For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

It is imperative that we forgive others and forgive ourselves. To not forgive is to risk our soul.

The question arises, however, exactly how are we to do that? After we forgive someone especially if they've hurt us very badly?

People find it hard to forgive because they have misinformation about the meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an emotion, it is a decision of will. It doesn't matter how we feel about the person, we can make a deliberate decision the will to forgive them.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. At the time that that cliché was invented the term, "forget", meant to "let go". Thus, the more accurate phrase is not, "forgive and forget", but rather, "forgive and let go."

We need to let go of the past, and let go of the people who have hurt us, and get on with our lives. As long as we hang on to the bitterness and resentments we will continue to be hurt even if person who hurt us as been dead for 25 years. In reality is we ourselves who hold ourselves in bondage to that person who has hurt us.

If one sees their abuser walking down the street we can cross the street to the other side to avoid him yet still forgive him. To forgive someone does not mean that we have to be friends with them. It is not mean that we have to have dinner with them. We can dislike the person and still forgive them.

This is a topic that we deal with almost every day with our clients. We have a pamphlet that describes what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not to help you to understand that forgiveness is not quite as hard as you might imagine. The name of the pamphlet is Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness (pdf file).

I would also recommend the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance linked below. Since you have listened yourself as a non-denominational Christian if you are uncomfortable with some of the prayers in the Seven Steps that include traditional Catholic language you can reword those prayers.

Our agency does not provide psychological counseling. We specialize in spiritual counseling, spiritual direction, and it needed, deliverance.

If you need help going through the Seven Steps we can provide you with personal consultation and spiritual counseling.

In the trials and tribulations of our lives we need to remember the promises of God. God is not a liar, he keeps his promises. Some of those promises are:

(Rom 8:28, 37-39) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(1 Cor 10:13) No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

(2 Cor 10:4-5) The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Read these promises carefully and often. Offer these verses as a prayer. Take comfort that God loves you and will never leave you. Trust in Him, and Be Not Afraid.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.