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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Family sins	Elizabeth	Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Question: Dear Brother Ignatius, I feel very hopeless today. My husband and I have done everything we can to fight the good fight. We've been alienated and fought tremendous battles with both of our large families. (we are both number 8) I am constantly accused of not being loving by brothers, sisters, in-laws, and now my daughter. The not being loving is because I won't tolerate their abuse, and their constantly slamming the Catholic Church and misusing bible verses. The current struggle is now my daughter is dating a married man.:( This is a tragedy! We instructed our daughter and made it very clear this is adultery, no matter what this gentleman is telling you. Unfortunately, our daughter lives with 2 of my sisters who have had no problem themselves in their past of dating married men. Now these 2 sisters had our daughter bring this man to my sisters home to meet them and also my granddaughter. I am so angry and disgusted! This is what is considered to be "loving" and non-judgmental to my daughter. Because my husband and I are so alienated by family, beat down financially, our daughter looks at this as our punishment from God for not being loving. In fact, my daughter now is saying that no where in the Bible does it say we have to go to Mass. That Jesus came to teach us to be loving and that my husband and I are not. Brother Ignatius, these statements my daughter is saying are all the same ways my sisters tried misleading me. So contrary to what our parents taught us and Catholic school education that my parents sacrificed to give us. Both of my parents are passed away and I have noticed my sisters and brothers are getting worse because there now is no authority in the family. I don't know how to survive this. I am being attacked from all sides. Our daughters soul is at great risk and my granddaughter. I don't think Jesus could make it any clearer about marriage! Please pray for me because I am in despair. Also recently my brother and other sister started writing me threatening letters and calling at midnight, not leaving a message, then accusing me of not answering my phone. This brother is the one who molested me and has denied it for years and is still denying it which has further alienated me from family. Wow, I can't even imagine had I revealed his molesting me at 9 years old. How do I see God's love for me through all this? I thought through years of prayer, daily Mass, weekly confession, that God had delivered me from this mess. Why all of a sudden did this all resurface? Are these things coming back at us for not going to my husband's family reunion? Did my mother-in-law re-establish her curse on our marriage? Also my own brother was telling me that I am going to hell. We pray the rosary daily, go to daily Mass when we can, we pray deliverance prayers every day and I feel completely hopeless. I unite these sufferings with Jesus and Mary. How do I even see God's plan, love and is there hope?
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r) Dear Elizabeth: I am so sorry to hear about all these family problems. Such things seem to be a sign of the times, but a sign that Jesus himself predicted: (Luke 12:51-53) Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division; for henceforth in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three; they will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Jesus also said: (Matthew 5:10-12) Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you. Again Jesus speaks to us: (John 15:20) Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also. Do not despair. You are given a great blessing, a great privilege, to be harassed, nay persecuted by family for Christ's sake. What a great privilege and joy to suffer for Christ's sake, to join one's suffering with the suffering of Christ on the Cross. Suffering is indeed redemptive. What you can do is to offer your suffering to God for the conversion of your family. This is one of the most powerful prayers God gives us -- to offer up suffering for others. You have a wonderful opportunity to pray for your family in this way. Do not despair. Rather rejoice that you have been given a great privilege for your own soul and for the souls of your family -- to suffer because of them for Christ's sake and to offer that suffering back to Christ for the salvation of your family. If only your family knew about this boomerang effect; that their persecution of you may actually boomerang back to them as a grace that leads them to salvation. If they truly understood that they would not persecute you, but would avoid you like the plague. So take heart. God loves you so much, and your family so much, that he has given you a way to pray for your family in the most powerful way possible, outside of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and the Divine Office. By the way, I would ask your priest to include your family in Mass intentions. We will certainly include you and your family in our intentions in the Divine Office. Now as to the harassment and persecution itself. There is no way that you must tolerate this abuse from your family. As sad as it is, and as hard as it is to do, you need to distance yourself from your family. To allow them to do this is to enable their dysfunctional and evil behavior. If you terminate relations with them it will send a signal that their behavior has crossed a line and they will be held accountable for it. They will accuse you. Let them. The devil is the accuser. Let them say you are not loving. It is a lie. They are the ones who do not love. Jesus said. "If you love me, you will keep my commandments" (John 14:15). Your family is not keeping the commandments (teachings) of Jesus. Thus, no matter how much they might protest otherwise, they do not love Jesus. If they do not love Jesus, then they do not love at all for all genuine love comes from God, who is love: (1 John 4:6-8) We are of God. Whoever knows God listens to us, and he who is not of God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error. Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God is love. (1 John 4:16) So we know and believe the love God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. I am sorry to say that based on your descriptions of the behavior of your family, they do not abide in God, they do not keep his teachings, and therefore do not love God and do not love at all. As a result, their immortal souls are in danger. This last point is why it is so important for you to offer your suffering up for them, for their salvation. God does not force anyone to do anything. He has given us Free Will, that is, the ability to choose to love or not, to choose Him or not, to choose to do as one ought or not. All we can do is to prayer for these poor souls. I recommend the Hedge Prayer for a Wayward Person found in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog linked below. However, you do not have to be under direct persecution. If it were me, and actually I have been in a similar situations with family, I would terminate all ties with the family. If they send any letters, return them unopened. If they call on the phone, so not accept the phone call (use Caller ID). Some phone companies have a Caller Reject, where you can actually block certain phone numbers. If family member harass you over the phone such as calling late at night and such, then change your phone number and make it unlisted and unpublished so that your phone is not listed in the directory and is not available from directory assistance. These measure sound harsh and drastic, but frankly no one, not even family, is worth losing your peace in Christ, or to tempt you to despair. This family situation is tempting you to the sin of despair and doubting God's love for you. This is serious. Serious measures are required. Terminate all contact with the family for the sake of your own soul. Offer up the heartache and suffering to God for the sake of their souls. We will be praying for all involved this this situation. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Family sins

Elizabeth

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Question:

Dear Brother Ignatius,

I feel very hopeless today. My husband and I have done everything we can to fight the good fight. We've been alienated and fought tremendous battles with both of our large families. (we are both number 8) I am constantly accused of not being loving by brothers, sisters, in-laws, and now my daughter. The not being loving is because I won't tolerate their abuse, and their constantly slamming the Catholic Church and misusing bible verses.

The current struggle is now my daughter is dating a married man.:( This is a tragedy! We instructed our daughter and made it very clear this is adultery, no matter what this gentleman is telling you. Unfortunately, our daughter lives with 2 of my sisters who have had no problem themselves in their past of dating married men. Now these 2 sisters had our daughter bring this man to my sisters home to meet them and also my granddaughter. I am so angry and disgusted! This is what is considered to be "loving" and non-judgmental to my daughter. Because my husband and I are so alienated by family, beat down financially, our daughter looks at this as our punishment from God for not being loving. In fact, my daughter now is saying that no where in the Bible does it say we have to go to Mass. That Jesus came to teach us to be loving and that my husband and I are not.

Brother Ignatius, these statements my daughter is saying are all the same ways my sisters tried misleading me. So contrary to what our parents taught us and Catholic school education that my parents sacrificed to give us. Both of my parents are passed away and I have noticed my sisters and brothers are getting worse because there now is no authority in the family. I don't know how to survive this. I am being attacked from all sides. Our daughters soul is at great risk and my granddaughter. I don't think Jesus could make it any clearer about marriage!

Please pray for me because I am in despair. Also recently my brother and other sister started writing me threatening letters and calling at midnight, not leaving a message, then accusing me of not answering my phone. This brother is the one who molested me and has denied it for years and is still denying it which has further alienated me from family. Wow, I can't even imagine had I revealed his molesting me at 9 years old.

How do I see God's love for me through all this? I thought through years of prayer, daily Mass, weekly confession, that God had delivered me from this mess. Why all of a sudden did this all resurface? Are these things coming back at us for not going to my husband's family reunion? Did my mother-in-law re-establish her curse on our marriage? Also my own brother was telling me that I am going to hell.

We pray the rosary daily, go to daily Mass when we can, we pray deliverance prayers every day and I feel completely hopeless. I unite these sufferings with Jesus and Mary. How do I even see God's plan, love and is there hope?

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r)

Dear Elizabeth:

I am so sorry to hear about all these family problems. Such things seem to be a sign of the times, but a sign that Jesus himself predicted:

(Luke 12:51-53) Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division; for henceforth in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three; they will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

Jesus also said:

(Matthew 5:10-12) Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Again Jesus speaks to us:

(John 15:20) Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also.

Do not despair. You are given a great blessing, a great privilege, to be harassed, nay persecuted by family for Christ's sake. What a great privilege and joy to suffer for Christ's sake, to join one's suffering with the suffering of Christ on the Cross. Suffering is indeed redemptive.

What you can do is to offer your suffering to God for the conversion of your family. This is one of the most powerful prayers God gives us -- to offer up suffering for others. You have a wonderful opportunity to pray for your family in this way.

Do not despair. Rather rejoice that you have been given a great privilege for your own soul and for the souls of your family -- to suffer because of them for Christ's sake and to offer that suffering back to Christ for the salvation of your family.

If only your family knew about this boomerang effect; that their persecution of you may actually boomerang back to them as a grace that leads them to salvation. If they truly understood that they would not persecute you, but would avoid you like the plague.

So take heart. God loves you so much, and your family so much, that he has given you a way to pray for your family in the most powerful way possible, outside of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and the Divine Office. By the way, I would ask your priest to include your family in Mass intentions. We will certainly include you and your family in our intentions in the Divine Office.

Now as to the harassment and persecution itself.

There is no way that you must tolerate this abuse from your family. As sad as it is, and as hard as it is to do, you need to distance yourself from your family. To allow them to do this is to enable their dysfunctional and evil behavior. If you terminate relations with them it will send a signal that their behavior has crossed a line and they will be held accountable for it.

They will accuse you. Let them. The devil is the accuser. Let them say you are not loving. It is a lie. They are the ones who do not love. Jesus said. "If you love me, you will keep my commandments" (John 14:15).

Your family is not keeping the commandments (teachings) of Jesus. Thus, no matter how much they might protest otherwise, they do not love Jesus. If they do not love Jesus, then they do not love at all for all genuine love comes from God, who is love:

(1 John 4:6-8) We are of God. Whoever knows God listens to us, and he who is not of God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error. Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God is love.

(1 John 4:16) So we know and believe the love God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

I am sorry to say that based on your descriptions of the behavior of your family, they do not abide in God, they do not keep his teachings, and therefore do not love God and do not love at all. As a result, their immortal souls are in danger. This last point is why it is so important for you to offer your suffering up for them, for their salvation.

God does not force anyone to do anything. He has given us Free Will, that is, the ability to choose to love or not, to choose Him or not, to choose to do as one ought or not.

All we can do is to prayer for these poor souls. I recommend the Hedge Prayer for a Wayward Person found in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog linked below.

However, you do not have to be under direct persecution. If it were me, and actually I have been in a similar situations with family, I would terminate all ties with the family. If they send any letters, return them unopened. If they call on the phone, so not accept the phone call (use Caller ID). Some phone companies have a Caller Reject, where you can actually block certain phone numbers. If family member harass you over the phone such as calling late at night and such, then change your phone number and make it unlisted and unpublished so that your phone is not listed in the directory and is not available from directory assistance.

These measure sound harsh and drastic, but frankly no one, not even family, is worth losing your peace in Christ, or to tempt you to despair. This family situation is tempting you to the sin of despair and doubting God's love for you. This is serious. Serious measures are required.

Terminate all contact with the family for the sake of your own soul. Offer up the heartache and suffering to God for the sake of their souls.

We will be praying for all involved this this situation.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.