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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
name-calling	mary jean	Thursday, November 25, 2010
Question: Dear brother, I wanted first to thank you for the prayers I asked of you for my neice who was caught up in prostitution and drugs. She now regularly attends our family rosaries and has made a good confession - she is getting there praise God! Also an older sister who you said needed a slap upside the head for the attitude she had toward the occult. God provided the slap and she is now very happy and even attends bible study. She has had a wonderful conversion of heart. I am going to keep you busy a while though as its a big family! My sister's husband suffered lots of abuse when young, but his life is good. Unfortunately he uses this to manipulate my sister "C" and she has got into the habit of calling everyone her husband disapproves of as "Evil Demons" I have told her that's wrong to do as its a type of curse. (Saint James about use of the tongue?) She has Leukemia and I think the stress of living with her husband's attitude has brought it on. He is quite a mean spirited and negative man. He married young, and even when a priest said there were grounds for annulment, he refused to go ahead or to marry my sister in the church. They have three lovely grown up sons, whom have no idea of this. The longer time goes by the harder it is to tell them. She is a very faithful but perhaps misguided woman. Please can you advise on any of the above; and continue to pray for my family members? I am very greatful for your help. Thankyou
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r) Dear Mary Jean: Forgive the delay in responding. Praise God that your niece and sister have had a conversion of heart. That is quite a turn-around. We will keep your family in our prayers. Your other sister needs to read 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Her calling people evil demons whom her husband disapproves is uncharitable and a rash judgment, which is a grave sin. As for the husband, it sounds like he needs professional counseling. His refusal to seek an annulment of his previous marriage is ridiculous. I fail to understand why people do this, other than just being mean-spirited and unloving. His failure to do this means that he does not love your sister. Of course, this mess should have never happened as your sister should not have married him in the first place without his getting an annulment first, but that is water under the bridge now. Forgive me, but I must do a sidebar about this: TO ALL READERS: Stop marrying people who are not qualified for marriage. This is not rocket-science. The idea that the "heart can't help who it loves" is nonsense and no excuse. We are human beings with Free Will. Regardless of who the heart loves emotionally, we are not animals, we can decide to not involve ourselves with a person who is disqualified for marriage. There is no gun to the head forcing us to marry someone. True Love is a decision of will, not an emotion. Emotions are biologically based and can come and go. The Church officially teaches that emotions are a great gift from God, but must always be under the guard and advice of reason. There would be so much less misery to couples and to children if people would stop marrying based on unreasoned emotion, stop marrying people who are not qualified for marriage. The definition of "not qualified" is someone who has a previous marriage and no annulment, or is not otherwise qualified, or does not wish a Catholic wedding, or someone with personality problems that are obtrusive to the relationship, someone who has not the capacity to love according to 1 Corinthians 13, or anyone with a personality quirk or attribute or habit that you cannot accept willingly and live with for the rest of your life (never expect a person to change for the better after the marriage). A Catholic should also not date or marry someone outside of the faith. While the church will give a dispensation for this, it is not prudent as it is impossible to build a fully Catholic home for the children when one of the parents is not Catholic and thus not able to role-model the Catholic faith, or a Catholic parenthood. This lack of ability also goes for non-practicing Catholics, wayward Catholics, cafeteria Catholics, holiday/wedding/funeral Catholics, liberal Catholics, Ultra-traditionalist Catholics, schismatic Catholics, heretic/heterodox Catholics or any other rebellious or disloyal Catholics. These people are not qualified for marriage as they cannot model the genuine Catholic faith to the children. None of this is rocket-science. We have only ourselves to blame when we ignore the criteria for who is qualified for marriage. The damage done to ourselves and especially to our children rests squarely on the shoulders of the Catholic who marries an unqualified person. Okay, back to your situation. You cannot force your sister, or any of your family, to do the right thing. Even God will not force them. He will never intrude upon our Free Will. We all make our beds and we all have to lie on them, but we can certainly pray that they will someday have a conversion of heart. In these sorts of situations, such as you describe with your sister, it is possible that a demonic element may be present that seeks to make things worse than they have to be. Demons are most often hitchhikers on problems that already exist, rather than creators of new problems. The best thing is for your sister to pray spiritual warfare prayers, but you can pray on her behalf. In our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog, linked below, there are several prayers that are useful in these sorts of situations, that you can pray for your sister and brother-in-law. I suggest you pray at the following prayers for them: Prayer for a Friend or Relative Hedge Prayer for Return of Wayward Persons Hedge Prayer for Protection of Others Persevere in prayer. Never stop praying for them. It could take years for your sister and brother-in-law to come to their senses and get right with God and with themselves in their marriage. One side note, since you did not mention this: Since your sister is in a invalid marriage she is living in sin. While she should, and is obligated to go to weekly Sunday Mass, when she does she cannot receive the Eucharist. She needs to remain in her pew and pray while others go forward for communion. She can do all the things a good Catholic ought to do in devotion and Mass, except receive the Eucharist. We will be praying for her and her husband, and for your entire family. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

name-calling

mary jean

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Question:

Dear brother,
I wanted first to thank you for the prayers I asked of you for my neice who was caught up in prostitution and drugs. She now regularly attends our family rosaries and has made a good confession - she is getting there praise God!

Also an older sister who you said needed a slap upside the head for the attitude she had toward the occult. God provided the slap and she is now very happy and even attends bible study. She has had a wonderful conversion of heart.

I am going to keep you busy a while though as its a big family!

My sister's husband suffered lots of abuse when young, but his life is good. Unfortunately he uses this to manipulate my sister "C" and she has got into the habit of calling everyone her husband disapproves of as "Evil Demons"

I have told her that's wrong to do as its a type of curse. (Saint James about use of the tongue?)

She has Leukemia and I think the stress of living with her husband's attitude has brought it on. He is quite a mean spirited and negative man.

He married young, and even when a priest said there were grounds for annulment, he refused to go ahead or to marry my sister in the church. They have three lovely grown up sons, whom have no idea of this. The longer time goes by the harder it is to tell them.
She is a very faithful but perhaps misguided woman.

Please can you advise on any of the above; and continue to pray for my family members?

I am very greatful for your help.
Thankyou

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r)

Dear Mary Jean:

Forgive the delay in responding.

Praise God that your niece and sister have had a conversion of heart. That is quite a turn-around.

We will keep your family in our prayers.

Your other sister needs to read 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Her calling people evil demons whom her husband disapproves is uncharitable and a rash judgment, which is a grave sin.

As for the husband, it sounds like he needs professional counseling. His refusal to seek an annulment of his previous marriage is ridiculous. I fail to understand why people do this, other than just being mean-spirited and unloving. His failure to do this means that he does not love your sister.

Of course, this mess should have never happened as your sister should not have married him in the first place without his getting an annulment first, but that is water under the bridge now.

Forgive me, but I must do a sidebar about this:

TO ALL READERS: Stop marrying people who are not qualified for marriage. This is not rocket-science. The idea that the "heart can't help who it loves" is nonsense and no excuse. We are human beings with Free Will. Regardless of who the heart loves emotionally, we are not animals, we can decide to not involve ourselves with a person who is disqualified for marriage. There is no gun to the head forcing us to marry someone. True Love is a decision of will, not an emotion. Emotions are biologically based and can come and go. The Church officially teaches that emotions are a great gift from God, but must always be under the guard and advice of reason.

There would be so much less misery to couples and to children if people would stop marrying based on unreasoned emotion, stop marrying people who are not qualified for marriage.

The definition of "not qualified" is someone who has a previous marriage and no annulment, or is not otherwise qualified, or does not wish a Catholic wedding, or someone with personality problems that are obtrusive to the relationship, someone who has not the capacity to love according to 1 Corinthians 13, or anyone with a personality quirk or attribute or habit that you cannot accept willingly and live with for the rest of your life (never expect a person to change for the better after the marriage).

A Catholic should also not date or marry someone outside of the faith. While the church will give a dispensation for this, it is not prudent as it is impossible to build a fully Catholic home for the children when one of the parents is not Catholic and thus not able to role-model the Catholic faith, or a Catholic parenthood.

This lack of ability also goes for non-practicing Catholics, wayward Catholics, cafeteria Catholics, holiday/wedding/funeral Catholics, liberal Catholics, Ultra-traditionalist Catholics, schismatic Catholics, heretic/heterodox Catholics or any other rebellious or disloyal Catholics. These people are not qualified for marriage as they cannot model the genuine Catholic faith to the children.

None of this is rocket-science. We have only ourselves to blame when we ignore the criteria for who is qualified for marriage. The damage done to ourselves and especially to our children rests squarely on the shoulders of the Catholic who marries an unqualified person.

Okay, back to your situation.

You cannot force your sister, or any of your family, to do the right thing. Even God will not force them. He will never intrude upon our Free Will. We all make our beds and we all have to lie on them, but we can certainly pray that they will someday have a conversion of heart.

In these sorts of situations, such as you describe with your sister, it is possible that a demonic element may be present that seeks to make things worse than they have to be. Demons are most often hitchhikers on problems that already exist, rather than creators of new problems.

The best thing is for your sister to pray spiritual warfare prayers, but you can pray on her behalf.

In our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog, linked below, there are several prayers that are useful in these sorts of situations, that you can pray for your sister and brother-in-law.

I suggest you pray at the following prayers for them:

Prayer for a Friend or Relative
Hedge Prayer for Return of Wayward Persons
Hedge Prayer for Protection of Others

Persevere in prayer. Never stop praying for them. It could take years for your sister and brother-in-law to come to their senses and get right with God and with themselves in their marriage.

One side note, since you did not mention this: Since your sister is in a invalid marriage she is living in sin. While she should, and is obligated to go to weekly Sunday Mass, when she does she cannot receive the Eucharist. She needs to remain in her pew and pray while others go forward for communion. She can do all the things a good Catholic ought to do in devotion and Mass, except receive the Eucharist.

We will be praying for her and her husband, and for your entire family.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.