Ask a Question - or - Return to the Spiritual Warfare Forum Index

Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
problematic books and music	Georgia	Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Question: How should one deal with objectionable books and music that belong to one's spouse? I am a practicing Catholic, my husband is not. (We were validly married in the Church.) I was not practicing my faith at the time we were married, but I have since returned. Although my husband was nominally Christian, he has since completely rejected Christianity, seemingly in tandem with my return to it. At this point in time, my husband is no longer open to discussions or arguments that invoke morality as a basis for limiting or avoiding something that he otherwise enjoys doing. He now generally holds anything that smacks of Christianity in disdain. The current problem has to do with my husband's choice of entertainment. He listens to a lot of popular music with objectionable lyrics. I have asked him not to do so around the children, to no effect. His initial response was that he had to listen to it at home because he didn't have a copy of the music at his office. So I got him an iPod and portable speakers, hoping that would solve the problem (so he could take it to work or "keep it to himself" at home). While he appreciated the iPod, he knew exactly why I got it, and he still blasts the objectionable stuff in front our kids. Then there are the "fantasy" novels he brings home that are completely New Age and/or pornographic in nature. I have asked him not to bring them into the house, but his collection is his "pride and joy." Currently, the books are in a detached room behind our garage, so they are most out of the house itself, and our children are not yet old enough to want to read them. That said, I feel like I am sitting on a ticking time bomb. There is no way I can unilaterally throw this stuff out without starting World War III, nor do I think I have the "right" to do so since it does not belong to me. I am praying for my husband's conversion and have been saying the "Spiritual Hedge" prayers as well. Is there anything else I can or should do? I am desperate to get rid of this stuff because I experienced a demonic manifestation in the house a few weeks ago that scared me to death. I was asleep, and my dream turned into a nightmare. I prayed to my guardian angel (in my sleep) and almost immediately afterward I felt an overwhelming presence of evil. I was terrified and desperately prayed something to the effect: Of in the name of Jesus Christ, begone! I felt a wave of heat go through me and heard a roaring in my ears, and when I opened my eyes, there was something hideous in my room--a blue, glowing, twisted face. I have gone to confession, given up yoga (which I belatedly realized might be part of the problem). I have also been blessing my children with holy water and holy oil at night because they have been afraid to sleep in their rooms. If you have any other advice, I would very much appreciate it.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Georgia: Well, this is not only about any spiritual or religious aspect, this is about respect for you, your marriage, and the kids. If he is not willing to respect you, then drastic measures may be needed. His childish, rebellious, and unloving act to blast this music for all to hear despite you trying to compromise with him in getting him a iPod, tells me the man is profoundly immature and disrespectful. Praying the prayers for a Wayward Spouse and other prayers that are useful in our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catelog should continue on an ongoing basis. Frankly, however, given what appears to be high level of immaturity with profound disrespect and uncharity a tough love approach may be needed. By tough love I mean that you may need to ask him to sleep on the coach until gets that stuff out of the house. It is your house too, where your children also live, so that makes it your business. If he doesn't get the hint, then you may have to give an ultimatum -- either you and the kids, or his music and inappropriate books. If he does pick you and the kids, he needs to leave the house until he grows up. You have moral obligation to protect your children and yourself from psychological and spiritual harm, even if the means asking your husband to leave. If he cannot understand the harm he is doing and respect your very reasonable wishes, then he does not deserve to stay in the house. I now this would be hard thing to do and only you, and you only, can make that decision, or decide when to make this ultimatum. I would certainly discuss it with your confessor. But, these are my thoughts. To be fair I should admit that I have low threshold of tolerance for abusive people. This answer is what I really think, however, and not emotionally sourced because I weary of abusive people. We will certainly pray for your husband, you, and your kids. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

problematic books and music

Georgia

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Question:

How should one deal with objectionable books and music that belong to one's spouse?

I am a practicing Catholic, my husband is not. (We were validly married in the Church.) I was not practicing my faith at the time we were married, but I have since returned. Although my husband was nominally Christian, he has since completely rejected Christianity, seemingly in tandem with my return to it. At this point in time, my husband is no longer open to discussions or arguments that invoke morality as a basis for limiting or avoiding something that he otherwise enjoys doing. He now generally holds anything that smacks of Christianity in disdain.

The current problem has to do with my husband's choice of entertainment. He listens to a lot of popular music with objectionable lyrics. I have asked him not to do so around the children, to no effect. His initial response was that he had to listen to it at home because he didn't have a copy of the music at his office. So I got him an iPod and portable speakers, hoping that would solve the problem (so he could take it to work or "keep it to himself" at home). While he appreciated the iPod, he knew exactly why I got it, and he still blasts the objectionable stuff in front our kids.

Then there are the "fantasy" novels he brings home that are completely New Age and/or pornographic in nature. I have asked him not to bring them into the house, but his collection is his "pride and joy." Currently, the books are in a detached room behind our garage, so they are most out of the house itself, and our children are not yet old enough to want to read them. That said, I feel like I am sitting on a ticking time bomb.

There is no way I can unilaterally throw this stuff out without starting World War III, nor do I think I have the "right" to do so since it does not belong to me. I am praying for my husband's conversion and have been saying the "Spiritual Hedge" prayers as well. Is there anything else I can or should do?

I am desperate to get rid of this stuff because I experienced a demonic manifestation in the house a few weeks ago that scared me to death. I was asleep, and my dream turned into a nightmare. I prayed to my guardian angel (in my sleep) and almost immediately afterward I felt an overwhelming presence of evil. I was terrified and desperately prayed something to the effect: Of in the name of Jesus Christ, begone! I felt a wave of heat go through me and heard a roaring in my ears, and when I opened my eyes, there was something hideous in my room--a blue, glowing, twisted face.

I have gone to confession, given up yoga (which I belatedly realized might be part of the problem). I have also been blessing my children with holy water and holy oil at night because they have been afraid to sleep in their rooms. If you have any other advice, I would very much appreciate it.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Georgia:

Well, this is not only about any spiritual or religious aspect, this is about respect for you, your marriage, and the kids. If he is not willing to respect you, then drastic measures may be needed.

His childish, rebellious, and unloving act to blast this music for all to hear despite you trying to compromise with him in getting him a iPod, tells me the man is profoundly immature and disrespectful.

Praying the prayers for a Wayward Spouse and other prayers that are useful in our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catelog should continue on an ongoing basis.

Frankly, however, given what appears to be high level of immaturity with profound disrespect and uncharity a tough love approach may be needed. By tough love I mean that you may need to ask him to sleep on the coach until gets that stuff out of the house. It is your house too, where your children also live, so that makes it your business. If he doesn't get the hint, then you may have to give an ultimatum -- either you and the kids, or his music and inappropriate books. If he does pick you and the kids, he needs to leave the house until he grows up.

You have moral obligation to protect your children and yourself from psychological and spiritual harm, even if the means asking your husband to leave. If he cannot understand the harm he is doing and respect your very reasonable wishes, then he does not deserve to stay in the house.

I now this would be hard thing to do and only you, and you only, can make that decision, or decide when to make this ultimatum. I would certainly discuss it with your confessor. But, these are my thoughts. To be fair I should admit that I have low threshold of tolerance for abusive people. This answer is what I really think, however, and not emotionally sourced because I weary of abusive people.

We will certainly pray for your husband, you, and your kids.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.