Ask a Question - or - Return to the Spiritual Warfare Forum Index

Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
People using scriptures to suit their own ends	Claire	Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Question: I have been speaking with a person I met at church. This man started out simply trying to get me to come to his church but after just a few weeks during which he calls me daily and repeatedly, he now says he knows I am the one for him and we should get married. He is a nice person but I hardly know him, do not feel he is the one for me, is not what I am looking for and I did not go to his church seeking a husband. Most importantly, I feel he may be trying to pervert the scripture to get me to date/marry him and that makes me angry. He is also what I'd call unsuitable in a variety of ways (age, background, etc.) but bottomline I just don't have feelings for him. He claims God told him I am the one. This just makes me feel uncomfortable, irritated and awkward. I've tried telling him this and he counters with "sometimes doing the right thing feels uncomfortable." Ummm, excuse me? He has all sorts of scriptures to back him up in his belief. If I tell him I don't feel the same way, he begins quoting scriptures such as "God's ways are not your ways" and when I tell him I am not looking for what he is looking for he says it is the man's job to find a wife, not the other way around. When I tell him I hardly know him, he tells me "that's where faith comes in" and he finds things in the bible to try to manipulate me. When I tell him I don't have feelings for him, he responds with "you can't go by feelings." As you can imagine this is very frustrating. To make this all worse he keeps telling me he is just telling me what God has told him so that every time I resist, I feel guilty like I am saying he is being lied to or misled. Can you suggest how I might deal with this person (who I believe is either deliberately trying to manipulate me) or who is just seriously delluded, in a way that won't offend their beliefs or get me in trouble with God. How do I know if he is really hearing from God and wouldn't God place the same feeling in my heart?
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Claire: God does not tell a man that some woman is the "right one" without telling the woman (and vice versa). There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. If you do not feel the same way, then you do not feel the same way. God does not force anyone to do anything. This man is trying to force you into a relationship by manipulation using God for his weapon, which frankly is evil. In fact, from your description of his behavior, you are in danger of being stocked. He appears to have that sort of personality, as well as a personality of manipulation and control. This is disaster waiting to happen. I would predict that if you were to start a relationship with this man you would eventually be date raped or otherwise physically abused. I advise that you RUN, not walk, away from this person. Tell him to never contact you again for any reason and to ignore you if you happen to meet on the street or somewhere. If he refuses to stop, then contact the police. If necessary seek a restraining order. This guy is bad news. By the way, the apparently ultra-religious who exhibit this kind of control and manipulation have a high incidence of domestic violence from my experience. Run away from him. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

People using scriptures to suit their own ends

Claire

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Question:

I have been speaking with a person I met at church. This man started out simply trying to get me to come to his church but after just a few weeks during which he calls me daily and repeatedly, he now says he knows I am the one for him and we should get married. He is a nice person but I hardly know him, do not feel he is the one for me, is not what I am looking for and I did not go to his church seeking a husband. Most importantly, I feel he may be trying to pervert the scripture to get me to date/marry him and that makes me angry. He is also what I'd call unsuitable in a variety of ways (age, background, etc.) but bottomline I just don't have feelings for him.

He claims God told him I am the one. This just makes me feel uncomfortable, irritated and awkward. I've tried telling him this and he counters with "sometimes doing the right thing feels uncomfortable." Ummm, excuse me?

He has all sorts of scriptures to back him up in his belief. If I tell him I don't feel the same way, he begins quoting scriptures such as "God's ways are not your ways" and when I tell him I am not looking for what he is looking for he says it is the man's job to find a wife, not the other way around. When I tell him I hardly know him, he tells me "that's where faith comes in" and he finds things in the bible to try to manipulate me. When I tell him I don't have feelings for him, he responds with "you can't go by feelings." As you can imagine this is very frustrating.

To make this all worse he keeps telling me he is just telling me what God has told him so that every time I resist, I feel guilty like I am saying he is being lied to or misled. Can you suggest how I might deal with this person (who I believe is either deliberately trying to manipulate me) or who is just seriously delluded, in a way that won't offend their beliefs or get me in trouble with God.

How do I know if he is really hearing from God and wouldn't God place the same feeling in my heart?

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Claire:

God does not tell a man that some woman is the "right one" without telling the woman (and vice versa).

There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. If you do not feel the same way, then you do not feel the same way. God does not force anyone to do anything. This man is trying to force you into a relationship by manipulation using God for his weapon, which frankly is evil.

In fact, from your description of his behavior, you are in danger of being stocked. He appears to have that sort of personality, as well as a personality of manipulation and control. This is disaster waiting to happen.

I would predict that if you were to start a relationship with this man you would eventually be date raped or otherwise physically abused.

I advise that you RUN, not walk, away from this person. Tell him to never contact you again for any reason and to ignore you if you happen to meet on the street or somewhere. If he refuses to stop, then contact the police. If necessary seek a restraining order.

This guy is bad news. By the way, the apparently ultra-religious who exhibit this kind of control and manipulation have a high incidence of domestic violence from my experience.

Run away from him.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

For information on how to receive help see our Help page. We suggest that before contacting us directly for help you try the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. These self-help steps will often resolve the problem. Also our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog contains many prayers that may be helpful. If needed you can ask for a Personal Consultation.