Dear Beth,

I suppose technically the graces can be applied to your deceased relative as long as the priest makes the intention "for whom this Mass is being offered"  but it seems to me that it is pastoral to be at least able to recall the NAME of the person.

Regarding your "donation", it's not really a donation, but a stipend.  You are PAYING for this work to be done, to "contribute to the good of the Church" and to "support its ministers and works"  (can. 946)  So yes, it DOES really matter.  :-)

The priest is therefore obligated to offer Mass for your intention.  He is also obligated to promptly note those masses being accepted and those being satisfied, which is then reviewed by his bishop.  (can 955, 958)

The whole legal part of this is explained in the Code of Canon Law, nos. 945-958.

As for how this actually works in a typical parish, I believe normally the Masses are scheduled by the parish secretary/administrator and then published in the weekly bulletin.  The priest would then have the schedule posted in the sacristy or set with his missal, or he simply may reference a copy of the bulletin prior to or during the Mass.

As for why he wasn't able to recall for whom the Mass was being offered despite that he already knew that person, well only he can answer that.  Hopefully it was an unusual exception and not the norm.  Just one thing more that's noteworthy:  these days priests are saying a LOT more Masses on weekends than they have in years past!

Mr. Slavek