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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Advice for my Sister re Her Husband's request for an annulment	Fawn	Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Question: My sister and her husband were married for 11 years before they tried to start having children. Two years and one miscarriage later, they finally conceived and my sister was 6 months pregnant when her husband left her for a woman with whom he was having an affair. My brother in law had converted to Catholocism during their marriage. My niece was born 2 months later and is now 7. My brother-in-law filed for divorce before the baby was born, my sister refused to participate (much to her financial detriment), believing it was sinful to participate in the divorce and my brother in law obtained the divorce and married the woman in a Protestant church. My sister has custody of my niece, who has every other weekend stays with her father. My sister believes that she is still married. She still wears her wedding ring, she kept and uses her married name and refuses to seek out or accept offers of companionship. Her faith is her rock - but I feel that she also uses it as a shield from dealing with the tragic turns that her life has taken. Her ex has recently asked my sister for an annulment. My niece will be making her First Holy Communion next year and he wants to return to the faith. My sister is heartbroken. I believe that my brother in law never wanted to have children. My greatest wish was that she would close that chapter of her life and move on. I always thought that if she would seek an annulment she would be able to move on - but he has really turned the tables by being the party to ask for the annulment. It doesn't seem fair that he should be able to have his cake and eat it too, so to speak. I am so afraid for my sister. If she does not "participate" in the annulment proceedings and it is granted, it will shake her faith, I am sure. What advice should we be giving her? She really refuses to discuss this matter with us (her sisters) because we believe she is better off without him.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Fawn: From what you are saying it sounds like your sister may have an inordinate attachment to the idea of being married. Sometimes marriages are not marriages sacramentally. We have to accept that and move on. Your sister needs to understand the meaning of a sacramental marriage and realize that if God, speaking through the Marriage Tribunal, says that her marriage was not sacramental, then it was not sacramental. Who can judge this? Her or God? To hang on to what God, through the Church, has determined does not exist is pride on your sister's part. She needs to mortify her pride. There is no reason for her faith to be shaken. Her faith should be intact because if she does have faith she will trust that God knows better than she. The annulment will be granted only if evidence shows that her marriage was not sacramental and only if God says so. Trust in God. If the Church determines that her marriage was not sacramental, then she is in single status. What she does with that is her business (as to seeking a new husband). But it does mean that she was never married in the eyes of God. This fact DOES NOT make the children illegitimate (that is an issue for civil law, not Church law). The marriage was legal in state law thus the children are legitimate. If the annulment is granted she needs to move on. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Advice for my Sister re Her Husband's request for an annulment

Fawn

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Question:

My sister and her husband were married for 11 years before they tried to start having children. Two years and one miscarriage later, they finally conceived and my sister was 6 months pregnant when her husband left her for a woman with whom he was having an affair. My brother in law had converted to Catholocism during their marriage.

My niece was born 2 months later and is now 7. My brother-in-law filed for divorce before the baby was born, my sister refused to participate (much to her financial detriment), believing it was sinful to participate in the divorce and my brother in law obtained the divorce and married the woman in a Protestant church.

My sister has custody of my niece, who has every other weekend stays with her father.

My sister believes that she is still married. She still wears her wedding ring, she kept and uses her married name and refuses to seek out or accept offers of companionship. Her faith is her rock - but I feel that she also uses it as a shield from dealing with the tragic turns that her life has taken.

Her ex has recently asked my sister for an annulment. My niece will be making her First Holy Communion next year and he wants to return to the faith. My sister is heartbroken.

I believe that my brother in law never wanted to have children. My greatest wish was that she would close that chapter of her life and move on. I always thought that if she would seek an annulment she would be able to move on - but he has really turned the tables by being the party to ask for the annulment. It doesn't seem fair that he should be able to have his cake and eat it too, so to speak.

I am so afraid for my sister. If she does not "participate" in the annulment proceedings and it is granted, it will shake her faith, I am sure.

What advice should we be giving her? She really refuses to discuss this matter with us (her sisters) because we believe she is better off without him.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Fawn:

From what you are saying it sounds like your sister may have an inordinate attachment to the idea of being married. Sometimes marriages are not marriages sacramentally. We have to accept that and move on.

Your sister needs to understand the meaning of a sacramental marriage and realize that if God, speaking through the Marriage Tribunal, says that her marriage was not sacramental, then it was not sacramental. Who can judge this? Her or God? To hang on to what God, through the Church, has determined does not exist is pride on your sister's part. She needs to mortify her pride.

There is no reason for her faith to be shaken. Her faith should be intact because if she does have faith she will trust that God knows better than she.

The annulment will be granted only if evidence shows that her marriage was not sacramental and only if God says so. Trust in God.

If the Church determines that her marriage was not sacramental, then she is in single status. What she does with that is her business (as to seeking a new husband). But it does mean that she was never married in the eyes of God. This fact DOES NOT make the children illegitimate (that is an issue for civil law, not Church law). The marriage was legal in state law thus the children are legitimate.

If the annulment is granted she needs to move on.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum