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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
marriage problem	Lynn	Thursday, March 6, 2008
Question: Hi Brother, First of all, I am thankful for having found your website. I posted about a month ago regarding my marriage situation, but I actually wanted to ask your opinion more. I met my husband and married him just because I wanted to get out of my own family's life (my mom and dad) where there werent a lot of love and understanding. Sure, my parents brought me up but they did not provide their time and love for me, so I was brought up having low self esteem. Meanwhile, I was also sexually abused by my brother and cousin when I was a child. Later on, I met a man who was just using me as his sexual pleasure and that was another reason I married my husband, because I felt unworthy. (by the way, my husband is handicapped, his right leg was amputated, and I felt pity on him and married him) We then got married and problems started to arise (because we werent practicing Catholic). The priest who blessed our marriage happened to tell us about a very good church in this city, and right after we got married, we happened to live very close to this church (2 miles from my house) and it's been a great source of spiritual help for me. That's the place I run for help every day, and for daily mass. I am also blessed to have 2 children of my own, age 3.5 and 1.5, and they've been my source of happiness too. The problem is, I am married to a handicapped, so I dont get a lot of help from him raising the kids, and especially he likes to play sports (wheelchair basketball, or tennis) so that takes a lot of his time away from family. Also, he lost interest in sex and surely, it frustates me. Sometimes I just want to masturbate but I know that it is a mortal sin to do that, and I am trying hard not to do so, well the kids keep me busy too. Sometimes, I want to end my marriage, because I feel it's not going anywhere. Is there any hope Brother? I feel helpless. We went to see a marriage counselor but the insurance doesnt cover, and he thinks we dont have marriage problem
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Lynn: I am sorry to hear about these problems. Be assured that we will pray for you and your husband and family. There is no reason for your husband to not to help with raising the kids or being a husband to you. There is obviously something going on with him. His overextended interest in sports is a symptom, not an avocation. I know that in situations like this the temptations for sin are great, but God will honor your struggle to remain pure and will help you to resist temptation. God tells us in the Bible: 1 Cor 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it." God is not a liar so we can Trust Him that this is true. What you and your husband need is marriage counseling -- if he is willing to go. I would advise talking with a good and wise priest about this and, if you can find one, a good Catholic counselor who is loyal to the Church. If your husband is not willing to go to a counseling, then go yourself. If you seek counseling and that counselor suggests things like masturbation, then explain to him that such an option is not possible due to your faith. If he will not respect that then terminate the counseling with him. Hopefully, you can find a counselor who isn't an idiot and instead is loyal to the Church. We will be in prayer for you and your husband. There is hope, Lynn. And God will give you the strength to deal with whatever you must deal with. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

marriage problem

Lynn

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Question:

Hi Brother,
First of all, I am thankful for having found your website.
I posted about a month ago regarding my marriage situation, but I actually wanted to ask your opinion more.

I met my husband and married him just because I wanted to get out of my own family's life (my mom and dad) where there werent a lot of love and understanding. Sure, my parents brought me up but they did not provide their time and love for me, so I was brought up having low self esteem.

Meanwhile, I was also sexually abused by my brother and cousin when I was a child.

Later on, I met a man who was just using me as his sexual pleasure and that was another reason I married my husband, because I felt unworthy. (by the way, my husband is handicapped, his right leg was amputated, and I felt pity on him and married him)

We then got married and problems started to arise (because we werent practicing Catholic). The priest who blessed our marriage happened to tell us about a very good church in this city, and right after we got married, we happened to live very close to this church (2 miles from my house) and it's been a great source of spiritual help for me. That's the place I run for help every day, and for daily mass.

I am also blessed to have 2 children of my own, age 3.5 and 1.5, and they've been my source of happiness too.

The problem is, I am married to a handicapped, so I dont get a lot of help from him raising the kids, and especially he likes to play sports (wheelchair basketball, or tennis) so that takes a lot of his time away from family. Also, he lost interest in sex and surely, it frustates me. Sometimes I just want to masturbate but I know that it is a mortal sin to do that, and I am trying hard not to do so, well the kids keep me busy too.

Sometimes, I want to end my marriage, because I feel it's not going anywhere. Is there any hope Brother? I feel helpless. We went to see a marriage counselor but the insurance doesnt cover, and he thinks we dont have marriage problem

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Lynn:

I am sorry to hear about these problems. Be assured that we will pray for you and your husband and family.

There is no reason for your husband to not to help with raising the kids or being a husband to you. There is obviously something going on with him. His overextended interest in sports is a symptom, not an avocation.

I know that in situations like this the temptations for sin are great, but God will honor your struggle to remain pure and will help you to resist temptation. God tells us in the Bible:

1 Cor 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it."

God is not a liar so we can Trust Him that this is true.

What you and your husband need is marriage counseling -- if he is willing to go.

I would advise talking with a good and wise priest about this and, if you can find one, a good Catholic counselor who is loyal to the Church.

If your husband is not willing to go to a counseling, then go yourself.

If you seek counseling and that counselor suggests things like masturbation, then explain to him that such an option is not possible due to your faith. If he will not respect that then terminate the counseling with him.

Hopefully, you can find a counselor who isn't an idiot and instead is loyal to the Church.

We will be in prayer for you and your husband.

There is hope, Lynn. And God will give you the strength to deal with whatever you must deal with.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum