Dear Elizabeth Anne:

The near occasion of sin is nothing to fool around with. We have an obligation to stay away from the near occasion for a reason -- it places us in jeopardy of sin.

It is foolish to think that sleeping in the same bed with your boyfriend will not lead to sin. The likelihood of sin is GREAT.

Nevertheless, technically, sleeping in the same bed, as long as sexual activity is avoided, is not the sin of fornication. But, it can be the sin of scandal. Scandal is:

CCC 2284 ... an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor's tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

By your actions, if someone else sees that you are sleeping in the same bed with your boyfriend, you may influence them to do the same but for them they fornicate. This is scandal which is grave sin on your part.

There is absolutely no reason for you and your boyfriend to sleep in the same bed together. It is flirting with sin. It is stupid. It is immature. It could lead others to sin. It could lead you to sin.

Maturity, love, prudence, propriety, and modesty all DEMAND that you not do this.

We must always be very circumspect in terms of the opposite sex. Our souls, and perhaps the souls of others who may see us, are more important than our desire to do this thing.

There is a story about an old priest that illustrates the attitude we must always have. The old priest was on his death bed. He was around 90 years old.

The housekeeper of the Rectory came into his room and thought that he might have passed away. To check she bent over and placed her cheek a few inches away from his mouth to see if he was breathing.

At that moment the priest woke up and saw her hovering over him. He screamed: "Get thee hence woman, the fire still burns."

He died five minutes later.

Even on his death bed the man was circumspect with women. He protected his soul.

I remember an instance I had once at a grocery store. I was in monastic habit. Walking down one of the aisles I met two sisters in their monastic habits. I walked past them and said "hi." They did not return my greeting. I was not offended as I knew what they have been taught -- to not engage men while while they were at the store.

Now you may think that since these stories are about priests and religious that they do not apply to you. If you think that you would be wrong.

All of us are to be circumspect with our relations to anyone we are not married to. A person who is a boyfriend is not being married to him. Being engaged is not being married. Only after the wedding ceremony is a person married. Until then there needs to be some circumspection.

Is this "old fashion?" Yes, it speaks of a time when fornication was considered a sin in our society, when unwed mothers were relatively rare compared to today, and when sex was not a societal obsession. It speaks of an economy that God directs and teaches and expects us to follow.

Perhaps you are not sinning the sin for fornication in this act of sleeping platonically in the same bed, but you may be committing grave sin if by doing this others see what you do, or find out what you have done, and by they do it themselves but do not have the discipline you do.

Doing this is imprudent in that you are flirting with sin when it is not necessary. Do not have the arrogance of thinking that you are above sinning, or that you have the strength to resist.

In fact, my own story is an example. With my girlfriend in High School we just cuddled in bed and did not sin. After a while the cuddling moved on to petting, which lead to heavy petting, which lead to intercourse.

DO NOT FLIRT WITH SIN. Do not risk your soul.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary