Dear Judy:

I would seriously suggest that you sit down and have a long talk with the priest in the parish in which you are seeking to join the Catholic Church. You have deep and serious misunderstandings of the nature of marriage and the nature of annulments.

For off, the issue of annulment has NOTHING to do with your sin. The Catholic Church is all about forgiveness. It is our specialty. The annulment is not about holding you guilty for past sins, it is a technical procedure to determine whether or not your former marriage was a "Sacramental" marriage. That is the ONLY purpose of the annulment process.

I should also say, that the Bible does not condone divorce for ANY reason. Protestants tend to misinterpret the verse where Jesus mentions divorce for adultery. Matthew 19:3-9 reads (also see Matthew 5:31-32):

On the surface this appears to condone divorce if the spouse has committed adultery. But, like much of Scripture, a surface reading is inadequate to properly interpret the passage.

The Law of Moses (Deut 24:1) which tolerated divorce did so only because of the hardness of heart of the early Hebrews on this subject. But this practice was NEVER intended by God. As Jesus said, "...but from the beginning it was not so."

A study of the Greek in this passage reveals that the word translated in the above translation (which is the King James Version) as "fornication" refers to marriages that were not legal marriages in the first place because they were incest or marriages to Gentiles. Marriage was forbidden within certain degrees of consanguinity (Lev. 18:6-16) as it is today. First cousins, for example, cannot validly marry. In those days is was invalid for a Jew to marry a non-Jew. Jesus was talking to Jews when he said this and was referring to Mosaic law as compared to God's law.

The teaching on the invalidity of divorce is mentioned several times in Scripture. The conditional phrase, "except it be for fornication" does not appear in the parallel passages in Luke 16:18, Mark 10:11-12 or 1 Corinthians 7:10-11.

It appears in Matthew because St. Matthew apparently was dealing with people who were marrying close relatives and pagans, thus he had to deal with that issue.

The teaching of Jesus is clear, and from 2000 years of Church teaching, that valid marriage is indissoluble. Passages in the Bible where Jesus teaches this are: Mt. 19-3-9; Mk 10:1-12; Lk 16:18; and where the Apostles teach the dissolubility of marriage: 1 Cor 6:16; 7:10-11, 39; Rom 7:2-3; Eph 5:31f.

The Church, from A.D. 33 to today has always understood that divorce is not possible for a valid marriage. The Catholic Church continues to teach what it has always taught, what Jesus and the Apostles taught, what the early Christians taught, that divorce of a valid marriage is not possible.

Thus, the Church needs to find out whether or not your former marriage was a valid Sacramental marriage. This is not an option, it is a duty given to the Church by God for them to investigate this and determine the state of your marriage.

If your former marriage was a valid Sacramental marriage, then in the eyes of God you are STILL married to your former husband and your current marriage is invalid and adultery. More in likely your former marriage was not a valid Sacramental marriage and you will be able to receive an annulment with no problem; but the Church has to make sure.

I understand that you might feel that is harsh, but this is not about some arbitrary rules of the Church, this is about GOD's definition of marriage. The Church does not have the authority to change God's definition.

The annulment process is usually a healing experience for most people. I have been through the process myself.

There is no reason to "feel inadequate" for past sins. You are forgiven of your past sins. The Church forgives you. As mentioned, this is not about guilt for sin, this is about establishing the facts about your previous marriage to determine validity. It is a legal matter, not a moral matter at this point.

I understand that it may be painful to think about old wounds. But if it is that painful as to cause you anxiety then you have not psychological let go of your past. That is not healthy. The annulment process, if you will let it, can bring a closure to the past, help you to put it behind you truly so that is does not have the emotional hold and power on you as it seems to have now.

Give it a chance. The process can be and is intended to be healing for you. Besides, once you fill out the paperwork you do not have to deal with it again until you get the letter in the mail with the Church's decision. Fill out the paperwork and then let it go.

As for why the church sends paperwork out to friends and family, it is because they need their perspective on your marriage; they are witnesses. I told my mother to not be afraid to say bad things about me because the truth is what is needed and that will actually help my case.

My mother told the Tribunal that when I told her that I was going to get married (I got married at 17 while still in high school), that I threatened my parents that if they did not consent to my marriage that I would get my girlfriend pregnant and they would have no choice.

I told my mother not to be afraid to say that, and in fact, she would be helping me if she said that. Why? Because my actions back then shows that my marriage was not truly Sacramental. Her testimony helped to confirm the annulment.

Do not be afraid of this. Your mother need not be afraid of this. Tell the truth, including bad and embarrassing details. It HELPS your case and makes it more likely to establish that your former marriage was not Sacramentally valid.

You keep saying that we should forgive you. THIS IS NOT ABOUT GUILT. The Church DOES forgive you. This is about a technical LEGAL status of your former marriage, that is all. That technical status is critical for your current marriage.

What if you found out that your husband was married before he married you and that technically under the state law he was STILL married to that other woman? That would mean that your marriage to him is invalid and that he is breaking the law by committing bigamy.

This is the SAME thing. The Church needs to be sure that you are not still technically Sacramentally married to your former spouse under the eyes of God.

The chances are that everything is okay and you can have your marriage blessed in the Church. But the Church must make sure, that is all.

Relax, fill out the paperwork, and let the Church do its job and give this all to God.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary