Dear Lorie:

I am glad you have posted your experience. Our society seems to think that beauty solves all problems. Your experience shows how beauty can be a real burden.

The solution to your dilemma, however, is mostly the same as for anyone else with a burden to bear, such as fat people, ugly people, extra-short people, extra-tall people, etc. Each of these groups are treated differently by society. The solution is to know yourself, be comfortable with who you are, and work to be confident in yourself apart from what other people think.

In your post you are telling me about how other people react to you regardless of how you present yourself. You need to stop trying to please others. No matter what you do, others will never be satisfied. You have already found that out.

There is an old Ricky Nelson song, "Garden Party" with a refrain, "You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself."

The only person whom you need to please is yourself and God. You need to accept your beauty as a gift from God. Give your beauty to God, offer it to Him. Avoid trying to play the virgin or the whore for others. That is NOT who you are. You are a woman who is made in the image of God. Respect yourself and be comfortable with yourself.

One of the things that you MUST do is to stop having sex with these men. Fornication is a grave sin and shows that you do not respect yourself. If you do not respect yourself others cannot be expected to respect you either. If you present yourself as a sex object, then you will be used as a sex object.

If you don't want to be used as a sexual toy then STOP acting like one; refuse to give in to the men's seductions. Say NO.

If you live a chaste life like God wants you to live and others mock you because of it, so be it, who cares. They only show their stupidity and perversion. Jesus was mocked for your sins. He was mocked and tortured and spit at and hung on a tree to die for your sins and mine.

Given what Jesus has done for us, surely we can tolerate a little mocking from the world for the sake of our Faith, for the sake of our self-respect.

The bottomline is that you need to develop a self-esteem that is grounded on God and reality. Be chaste and do not sin. Accept the mocking if that is what comes. Give that suffering to God. Give your sexuality to God. Give your beauty to God.

If the world thinks you are crazy, so be it. Live your life for God, not for these other nimrods. Ignore them.

If you make mistakes, owe up to them even if others do not hold you accountable because of your looks. If someone gives you a benefit merely because you are pretty, then turn it down and say, "please treat me like anyone else." If a police officer lets you off with a warning about speeding because you are pretty, then ask for the ticket.

You are going to have to take responsibility for these things. If others are giving you a break that you do not deserve, but your get the break anyway because of your looks, then turn down the offer.

If you want people to stop treating you special merely because of your looks, then you must begin to turn down that special treatment when it is offered to you; otherwise you only encourage them to continue to treat you in this special way that you do not want.

St. Francis deSales once wrote: "We are crucified to the world and the world must be crucified to us. The world holds us to be fools; let us hold it to be mad."

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

P.S. from what you have written I believe the primary issue is one of self-esteem. If you need help with taking more assertive charge of your life I would advise checking out a good Christian counselor. God does love you and it is possible to have joy, even in the midst of beauty.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary