Dear Julia:

You are most welcome and I praise God that you have the courage to face the truth of things.

But let me make myself crystal clear: you are not evil! You are a sinner like all the rest of us.

As for confession, a mere thought popping into our head is not sin, but if we entertain an improper thought then sin appears.

To make an analogy from the male point-of-view, if I notice an attractive woman and I think, she is an very attractive woman, and then I go my way, I have not sinned. But, if I think to myself, "she is an attractive women, she really has a nice behind, I'd like to take her to bed" then I have sinned and need to confess lustful imaginations when I go to the Sacrament of Confession.

From your description it sounds to me that your thoughts about this priest are not just passing thoughts, but thoughts you have indulged, entertained, fantasized, and ruminated upon.

As I understand the principle of Jesus when he said to look upon another women with lust in the heart is to commit adultery, in my opinion, you do need to be confess these ruminations. You are lusting after him.

You need to remind yourself that you have NO RIGHT to think about this priest in the way that you do. How would you feel if another woman thought in a similar manner about your husband?

Just as it is in the illustration I gave about myself; I have NO RIGHT to look upon that woman in such a way. It is a disrespect to her, a violation of her dignity, and an affront to her husband or boyfriend, and to her family.  So it is when you think these thought about this priest. It is a disrespect to him, a violation of his dignity, an affront to his spouse (who is God), and to his family (which is not only his biological family, but his parish family). Wow, that is a big deal especially when I write it all out like this. And this is a big deal.

As I mentioned in the last post, your love is not a genuine and true love. It is emotional and all that, but it is also lustful -- lustful in the sexual sense whenever you think those thoughts, but also lustful in the broader sense of an overpowering desire for a man who is already taken. Thus, this is adultery not in body, but in heart, at least so far.

The heart is a faker, is an old proverb. It can masquerade itself as love when it is not.

God will give you the strength to get over this. He promises that nothing will come into your life that you cannot handle, that He will always provide some escape. God is not a liar, so this promise is true.

You have a way to escape and He will give you the strength, but you have to accept His help, He will not force it upon you. You must do your part to clean up this mess (refer to my last post).

I put a line at this point because you are asking something that goes into a whole different topic -- about priests who leave the priesthood for "love."

The answer to your question is, it depends. It depends on the circumstances.

A priest cannot just leave the priesthood for marriage. Once a priest is removed or resigns from the clerical state he is still bound to celibacy. It requires a separate petition to the Pope to be dismissed from the celibate state. So for a priest to get married he has two procedures he must follow: 1) asking to be removed from the clerical state, if he has not already been removed; and 2) petitioning the pope to be removed from his vow of celibacy.

One note: a priest who has sex with anyone not his wife, married in the Church with everything proper, commits not only adultery (which is obvious), but also a sacrilege against God's Holy priesthood. Thus, a fornicating priests commits two sins for the price of one. 

Now with all this said here are the scenarios:

Scenario #1: If the priest leaves the priesthood and and is granted a dispensation from celibacy and then marries his beloved, then that priest is showing a genuine love and one that can be blessed by God and in the Church.

Scenario #2: On the other hand, a priest who "falls in love" (a terrible term since it implies a lack of accountability), leaves the clerical state, but marries without a dispensation from celibacy, then he commits an adultery and a sacrilege. The priest must wait for the dispensation.

As the old song says, TRUE LOVE WAITS.

Scenario #3: The priest leaves the clerical state, marries without a dispensation and does not care about that and thus does not even seek one, or marries even when a dispensation is rejected, then he risks his soul to hell as he intends to live in a state of sin (similar to a couple who marries without an annulment of previous marriages).

There is no sin that cannot be forgiven. Thus, priests who sin in this way are not condemned to hell automatically. In Scenario #1 and 2 the priest may repent and stop his sinful behavior, find forgiveness in the Sacrament of Confession and be reconciled to the Church and to God, just like the rest of us.

This will mean that he will have to live with his civilly married wife as brother and sister until a dispensation is granted by the Pope. If the Pope denies the dispensation, then the Priest will have to never again consider his wife as his wife and cannot have marital relations with her. In fact, in that case, a divorce would probably be wise, since a sacramental marriage does not exist, a dispensation is denied, and thus the marriage can never be reconciled in the Church.

If the priest refuses to regularize this mess and conform to the Church on these matters, and thereby is unrepentant, as suggested by Scenario #3 then he as ceased communion with the Church and risks his soul to hell. But that will be his choice. He does not have to go to hell. He can repent and do as God and His Church teaches.

You ask, how can you know when a love is an emotional mess and not true? By this test to begin with: A love that is contrary to God's law as spelled out in the Bible and in the Church, is a perverted love and not a true love.

To state this positively: A true love is a love that conforms with the righteousness and truth of God as taught by the Bible and the Church.

Of course there are other considerations too, but this is the foundation to build upon. If this first test is not passed, then all the rest fails too.

This test is true for fraternal love, familial love, as well as romantic love.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius