Dear Jenn:

Well, there are three possibilities of which any one or more may be true:

1) he is controlling and this a hint of things to come

2) he is an inappropriate (or obsessive) jealous-type and this is a hint of things to come (I say inappropriate, since it is natural to feel a little jealousy when other men buzz around your beloved)

3) he believes in a higher standard of Christian modesty

There is no way I can know which of these possibilities (one or a combination of these) your boyfriend  may be.

Just from what you said, it sounds like his standards of modesty are higher than yours. You identified that he does this when you wear "revealing" clothing.

I think that you need to evaluate two things:

1) your own standard of modesty. A Christian needs to be modest in their attire. If you really are wearing "revealing" or provocative clothing, then you may need to re-evaluate your clothing choices from the point of view of Christian modesty. In a moment, I will post what a doctor of the Church has to say about that.

2) Certainly before you marry this guy you need to find out if his behavior is merely based upon a different standard of modesty, or if he really is controlling or obsessive jealous-type. If the later, there is a real problem in general since those attributes will surface on a lot more than just your clothing. Controlling and obsessively jealous men can get very oppressive and even violent eventually.

If it is merely a differing standard of modesty, then you need to work it out between the two of you. If you cannot agree, then you ought not get married since such a thing, which may seem small, can loom large in marital problems.

In any event, you need to talk to him about this.

Now for the quote from a doctor of the Church that you, me (well not me ;) since I am an ugly fat old man), and all people need to keep in mind.

From St. John Chrysostom on modesty. (Remember as you read this that the teaching the Saint is giving was more than 1600 years ago (the 5th century). Nevertheless notice just how applicable it is today in the 21st Century):

You carry your snare everywhere and spread your nets in all places. You allege that you never invited others to sin. You did not, indeed, by your words, but you have done so by your dress and your deportment and much more effectively than you could by your voice.

When you have made another sin in his heart, how can you be innocent?

Tell me, whom does this world condemn? Whom do judges in court punish? Those who drink poison or those who prepare it and administer the fatal potion? You have prepared the abominable cup, you have given the death-dealing drink, and you are more criminal than are those who poison the body; you murder not the body but the soul. And it is not to enemies you do this, nor are you urged on by any imaginary necessity, nor provoked by injury, but out of foolish vanity and pride.

Although this was originally addressed to women, it applies equally to men these days. We ought not be dressing to be "sexy". That means, by definition, that we are dressing to specifically encourage lustful looks. We can dress well and smartly, but we need to be careful about fashion styles that are specifically designed to be sexually provocative and sexy.

Sometimes we need to avoid the fashions of the day if they are inappropriate to our Christian ethic of modesty, or even if they come to close to the line of immodesty (remember the adage, "avoid the near occasion"). The admonishment of St. John Chrysostom should always be remembered.

Bottomline: You need to talk to your boyfriend about this and see what this is about from his point-of-view. If it is about differing standards of modesty, then discuss together those issues.

Before marrying this man, you need to know him well enough as to whether or not he really is overly controlling and obsessively jealous. Such attributes do not make a good spouse. (And do not think things will change after marriage. Whatever your "intended" is before marriage, expect him to be after marriage, and even moreso).

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary