Dear Bob:

Quoting from Fr. Hardon's "Pocket Catholic Dictionary", despair in the religious context is:

The sin by which a person gives up all hope of salvation or of the means necessary to reach heaven. It is therefore not mere anxiety about the future or fear that one may be lost. It is rather a deliberate yielding to the idea that human nature cannot co-operate with God's grace, or that the despairing person is too wicked to be saved, or that God has case one away. It is a grave crime against God's goodness. Experience also shows that a tendency toward despair can seriously injure one's physical and mental health, and ironically can lead to all kinds of sinful indulgence.

Thus despair concerns a person who "despairs" for their soul thinking that God cannot save them, or that they are too wicked to be saved or to receive the Sacraments, or that God has already condemned them, or that they can do nothing to respond to God's grace.

I have had people tell me that they were too sinful to go to the Sacrament of Confession. That is a sinful despair, as well as being a silly notion -- there is no such thing as a person being so sinful that they cannot approach God in the Sacrament of Confession to ask forgiveness and reconciliation.

The example you have given sounds to me to be about doubt, not despair. We all can have doubts, even about God's existence. Such doubts are normal from time to time. Doubting God's existence becomes a sin only when it develops into a obstinate doubt, when one stubbornly and obstinately clings to his doubts. Although the person may not deny some element of Faith, but when obstinately doubting it the person delves into heresy.

In the case you give, such obstinacy is obviously not present. I can see nothing that would be mortal about a brief moment of doubt. When this happens, tell God you love him and are sorry for the doubt. Perhaps do a self-penance of helping another person for the love of God.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary