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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
domestic violence and divorce	Elizabeth	Monday, December 27, 2004
Question: I have worried and fretted about this question so long. I am afraid even to say it in confession. I was brought up Catholic. My mother was an alcoholic and both my parents were physically and emotionally abusive. Many times in my youth I wished to kill myself. This upbringing trained myself and my siblings not to react to abuse and left us numb and suseptible to further abuse by others. I married a man in the church who was a Christian but not Catholic. We had to get a dispensation from the Bishop, which we did. After we married he began to physically abuse me. He hit me and choked me, etc. He did not want to have children. By the time we had been married ten years, I despised and loathed him. We finally had children, but he never wanted them, especially since they are girls. I did not want my girls to grow up seeing their mother abused, so I finally had him arrested. We had been marrried 17 years then. Shortly afterward, he moved out. He said he wanted a divorce. In order to get money to help raise the children I eventually filed for a divorce. He went to court and took the children away from me but I managed to get them back through prayer. It was a living nightmare, losing my girls to him. I cannot tell you the anguish this caused me. I now believe he has a kind of mental illness. He is always angry and irritable, he has since remarried and been divorced again almost immediately, been fired from jobs, declared bankruptcy, and been unemployed for over two years. I prayed for someone to love me nad help me take care of my children. Someone like St. Joseph. I met and eventually married a man who is good to me and the girls and kindly and normal. He is even a woodworker. I have a good job and a nice life. It is clear to me this is an answer to my prayers. Was my marriage valid in the church? Could I get it annulled? Is my remarriage a sin?
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Elizabeth: If you did not get an annulment from the first marriage and/or married your second husband outside of the Church, then your current marriage is not valid and is sinful. This can be fixed. You need to go to your parish priest and tell him your situation. Then apply for a annulment from your first husband. Given the circumstances you describe getting an annulment should't be much of a problem. Once you have an annulment from your first marriage, then your current marriage can be regularized and blessed in the Church. In the meantime, until all this is resolved, you need to refrain from receiving the Eucharist. To receive the Eucharist before the marriage thing is resolve is grave sin. We will be praying for you. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

domestic violence and divorce

Elizabeth

Monday, December 27, 2004

Question:

I have worried and fretted about this question so long. I am afraid even to say it in confession. I was brought up Catholic. My mother was an alcoholic and both my parents were physically and emotionally abusive. Many times in my youth I wished to kill myself. This upbringing trained myself and my siblings not to react to abuse and left us numb and suseptible to further abuse by others.

I married a man in the church who was a Christian but not Catholic. We had to get a dispensation from the Bishop, which we did. After we married he began to physically abuse me. He hit me and choked me, etc. He did not want to have children. By the time we had been married ten years, I despised and loathed him. We finally had children, but he never wanted them, especially since they are girls. I did not want my girls to grow up seeing their mother abused, so I finally had him arrested. We had been marrried 17 years then. Shortly afterward, he moved out. He said he wanted a divorce. In order to get money to help raise the children I eventually filed for a divorce. He went to court and took the children away from me but I managed to get them back through prayer. It was a living nightmare, losing my girls to him. I cannot tell you the anguish this caused me. I now believe he has a kind of mental illness. He is always angry and irritable, he has since remarried and been divorced again almost immediately, been fired from jobs, declared bankruptcy, and been unemployed for over two years.

I prayed for someone to love me nad help me take care of my children. Someone like St. Joseph. I met and eventually married a man who is good to me and the girls and kindly and normal. He is even a woodworker. I have a good job and a nice life. It is clear to me this is an answer to my prayers.

Was my marriage valid in the church? Could I get it annulled? Is my remarriage a sin?

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Elizabeth:

If you did not get an annulment from the first marriage and/or married your second husband outside of the Church, then your current marriage is not valid and is sinful. This can be fixed.

You need to go to your parish priest and tell him your situation. Then apply for a annulment from your first husband. Given the circumstances you describe getting an annulment should't be much of a problem. Once you have an annulment from your first marriage, then your current marriage can be regularized and blessed in the Church.

In the meantime, until all this is resolved, you need to refrain from receiving the Eucharist. To receive the Eucharist before the marriage thing is resolve is grave sin.

We will be praying for you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum