Dear ES:

Sorry to hear about these problems. You are not alone. There are many couples struggling with the same issues.

I am confused however. If you and your wife have studied all the literature on Natural Family Planning then both of you should know that NFP is just as effective as any artificial contraceptives (NFP has a 99% effectiveness rating) and without the medical side-effects and without killing babies -- the "pill" often kills a baby by not allowing the baby to implant in the womb. The only method more effective than NFP is abstinence.

If their is a serious reason for you two to space the births of future children, then NFP is the most effective, the most healthy, the least medically dangerous, and the only moral way to do it.

Either your wife does not know about the effectiveness of NFP or there is another agenda with her.

The advantages of using NFP over contraceptives include:

• NFP is safe (many contraceptives, expecially the pill, are not)
• NFP is Healthy (the pill has many potentially negative side-effect)
• NFP is effective to achieve or to postpone pregnancy
• NFP is the only morally acceptable method
• NFP is environmentally sound
• NFP is inexpensive
• NFP can be used throughout one's fertile life
• NFP tends to increase marital intimacy and bonding
• NFP prevents conception and thus there is no possibility of a baby being conceived and then killed by a contraceptive.

I would advise that you and your wife study the Couple-to-Couple League website and perhaps contact them personally.

On the question of a couple abstaining as a method to postpone pregnancies, that must be done with the consent of both parties.

On the question of contracepting because wife insists upon it, the answer is that it is a moral evil to contracept and nothing can mitigate a moral evil. It is sin.

One of the central ideas of the Christian worldview is that the "ends do not justify the means." Even though marital harmony is a moral good, one cannot achieve that moral good by performing an immoral act. The Truth of the moral evil of contraception cannot be dismissed.

Jesus Himself that the Truth that He brings us will cause family discord. Jesus, in this regard, said that He did not come to bring peace, but division -- that is, He did not come to bring cheap peace at the cost of Truth. Rather Truth must prevail even at the cost of family unity. Truth can be expensive.

The Truth is that we are to obey the teachings of the Church regardless. But in addition to that I would advise that your wife educate herself about the effectiveness of NFP. I would also advise reading Humanae Vitae to understand the reasons why God does not permit contraception.

If after studying these things she still insists on using contraceptives, then I would ask her what the real agenda is because it is irrational to insist on contraceptives when NFP is just as effective if not more effective and is to God the only morally acceptable method and, as St. Teresa of Avila once observed: "The more we see failure in obedience, the stronger should be our suspicion of temptation." What might be your wife's temptation.

Bottomline: I do not see how you can continue the marital embrace from a position of moral evil. If you wife refuses to obey God and the Church, then there are some hard decisions you will need to make.

We will be in prayer for her and you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary