Dear Colleen:

I am sorry to hear about your daughter leaving the Church. This is not unusual in mixed marriages, especially when it is the wife who is Catholic and the husband who is not. This one of the reasons why the Church discourages mixed marriages.

There is nothing really to ease the heartache of a wayward child. What a parent does need to do is to accept their child as they are, to love them unconditionally, and to maintain contact with them regularly. This does not mean that one must compromise the faith in order to maintain a relationship with one's children, but the parent is the parent and needs to keep open the doors, needs to pray for their child to return to the faith, and needs to be as supportive as possible.

When the opportunity arises a parent can discuss the faith with their children, but argument should be avoided. Repeated discussions are not necessary. Once a parent has said their peace, the child will know where their parents stand, and continued discussion will likely be considered nagging.

Prayer is the primary key. Remember St. Monica who prayer for years for her reprobate son. It was only a few months before her death that her son finally came to her senses. Her son, of course, was the great doctor of the Church, St. Augustine.

Never give up hope, never give up praying, persevere in the faith and in prayer for your child.

There is no reason why the relationship cannot be maintained if you each respect each other's position and beliefs and do not nag each other.

There is one thing that your daughter MUST be told, however. Since she has left the Catholic Church she CANNOT receive communion ever again unless she were to return to the Catholic Church in full fellowship. To receive communion when she is not in communion with the Church is the grave sin of sacrilege.

If she says she does not think it is a sin, or that she believes that anyone can receive communion, then admonish her that she needs to respect the Catholic belief in a Catholic Church. She can choose not to believe what Catholics believe, but just basic human respect and courtesy demands that she respect the Catholic rules about Catholic Communion.

You need to call her on the phone, or visit her, and apologize for leaving for home so early. Explain that you were upset because she decided to leave the Church. You can tell her that you hope she will return to the Church so you two can worship together and so she can receive the Eucharist which she cannot now do unless she returns to the Church. Explain that you will respect her decisions, but will always pray that she will return to the Church.

Once this is said, drop the subject. At any family gatherings it is probably best to avoid the subject of religion, but never stop your devotional practices because of this. If she is coming to your house for Christmas dinner, for example, still pray the prayers you would always pray, pray the Hail Mary as a family as you might always do -- even invite her to join with you in prayer, but do not pressure, insist, or nag and respect her decision not to participate. You don't have to hide the statues or pictures of the Blessed Mother or of the Pope when she comes over. As you should respect her, she too needs to respect you.

Bottomline: mutual respect and love for each other, avoidance of arguing or nagging or pressuring, allowing each to be who they are will go a long way to maintaining a relationship.

As the Bible says, "Love covers a multitude of sins."

We will be in prayer for you and your daughter.

God bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary