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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Dating non-believers	Danny	Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Question: Dear Brother, There is this young man in his early twenties who has been brought up in a very Catholic family: Catholic School, altar boy, active in church, etc. My understanding is he still attends Mass on a weekly basis. However, he is going out with a girl who is a non-believer; I don’t mean non-Catholic, or non-Christian, but one who does not believe in God at all. I don’t know what has attracted this young man about her and surely, he is old enough to date who he wishes. He wants to spend as much time as possible with her. I don’t think he is trying to bring her over to the Lord, but he just likes her company. I have contact with some of his younger siblings and they tell me that his parents are not enthused, to say the least, with this relationship but since he is living on his own they really have no say so as to who he can or can’t date. His parents have asked me for prayers for him. Can you give some advice as to what could be pointed out to this young man to really think about what he is getting into with this relationship and the danger he is putting himself, not only with his life but with his soul, in? Thanks for your advice.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD Dear Danny: Well, we need to remember that the purpose of dating is not companionship or sex, but to look for a potential mate. If a person is not marriage material, then one should not date that person at all. An atheist is not marriage material since an atheist cannot fulfill the a major purpose of a parent: to teach the child the faith, to model the faith to the child, so he will grow into an adult who has faith and who is imbued with Christian morality and virtue. Only in this way can the child grow into a genuinely responsible and virtuous adult who loves God and loves his self and his neighbor. An atheist mother (or father) cannot be that teacher, that model, that mentor for Christ in the eyes of his children. This risks not only that the child will not be properly raised in the Catholic faith and the Catholic worldview, which is equally important, but the child may abandon the faith, which risks his salvation. There is nothing worse that a parent can do then to jeopardize the salvation of this children by abandoning his role as a parent as God ordained it. The best chance of a child growing up with faith and virtue, and in friendship with God, and salvation of his soul, is to grow up with father and a mother in love with each other and who are devout practicing Catholics. Anything less creates unnecessary hardships standing in the way of the child's development in the faith. None of this can be done by an atheist parent. Another qualification of a mate is to affirm and encourage the faith in one's spouse. To live the faith together to better assure the salvation of each of them. This cannot be done if one spouse is an atheist. With all that said, this young man should stop dating this atheist woman before the two of them "fall in love". If that happens it will be too late as they will not wish to part. This brings us full circle to the basic premise that one should not date anyone who is not marriage material. Fundamental Marriageability means a person needs to be a devout, practicing, and mature Catholic who knows the faith and lives that faith everyday and at all times (not just on Sundays). Other factors in looking for a mate, such as personality, compatibility, chemistry, like-minds, similar interests, etc. take a second seat in comparison to the above. I hope this helps. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Dating non-believers

Danny

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Question:

Dear Brother,
There is this young man in his early twenties who has been brought up in a very Catholic family: Catholic School, altar boy, active in church, etc. My understanding is he still attends Mass on a weekly basis. However, he is going out with a girl who is a non-believer; I don’t mean non-Catholic, or non-Christian, but one who does not believe in God at all. I don’t know what has attracted this young man about her and surely, he is old enough to date who he wishes. He wants to spend as much time as possible with her. I don’t think he is trying to bring her over to the Lord, but he just likes her company. I have contact with some of his younger siblings and they tell me that his parents are not enthused, to say the least, with this relationship but since he is living on his own they really have no say so as to who he can or can’t date. His parents have asked me for prayers for him.

Can you give some advice as to what could be pointed out to this young man to really think about what he is getting into with this relationship and the danger he is putting himself, not only with his life but with his soul, in?

Thanks for your advice.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD

Dear Danny:

Well, we need to remember that the purpose of dating is not companionship or sex, but to look for a potential mate. If a person is not marriage material, then one should not date that person at all.

An atheist is not marriage material since an atheist cannot fulfill the a major purpose of a parent: to teach the child the faith, to model the faith to the child, so he will grow into an adult who has faith and who is imbued with Christian morality and virtue. Only in this way can the child grow into a genuinely responsible and virtuous adult who loves God and loves his self and his neighbor.

An atheist mother (or father) cannot be that teacher, that model, that mentor for Christ in the eyes of his children. This risks not only that the child will not be properly raised in the Catholic faith and the Catholic worldview, which is equally important, but the child may abandon the faith, which risks his salvation.

There is nothing worse that a parent can do then to jeopardize the salvation of this children by abandoning his role as a parent as God ordained it.

The best chance of a child growing up with faith and virtue, and in friendship with God, and salvation of his soul, is to grow up with father and a mother in love with each other and who are devout practicing Catholics. Anything less creates unnecessary hardships standing in the way of the child's development in the faith.

None of this can be done by an atheist parent.

Another qualification of a mate is to affirm and encourage the faith in one's spouse. To live the faith together to better assure the salvation of each of them. This cannot be done if one spouse is an atheist.

With all that said, this young man should stop dating this atheist woman before the two of them "fall in love". If that happens it will be too late as they will not wish to part.

This brings us full circle to the basic premise that one should not date anyone who is not marriage material. Fundamental Marriageability means a person needs to be a devout, practicing, and mature Catholic who knows the faith and lives that faith everyday and at all times (not just on Sundays).

Other factors in looking for a mate, such as personality, compatibility, chemistry, like-minds, similar interests, etc. take a second seat in comparison to the above.

I hope this helps.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum