Dear Jose:

Thanks for your question.

To the First Question: There are tens of thousands of couples who, for one reason of another, can no longer enjoy sexual union. The bond between husband and wife is not broken by this because conjugal love is more than sexual union. The Catechism states (bold italics is my emphasis):

1638 "From a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive; furthermore, in a Christian marriage the spouses are strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and the dignity of their state by a special sacrament."

1643 "Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter - appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values."

The sexual union is good for the couple as it forms a central part of the bond between them. But, the sexual union is only the beginning. The bond of "spirit and will" and forming "one heart and soul" that develops and matures the bond remains long after sexual union ceases because of age or infirmity. 

So, the answer to your question is that the bond has already been established between the two of you. That bond remains even after sex is no longer possible.

To the second question: To the extend that is comfortable for your wife and does not harm her medically, caresses between the two of you is fully permitted. Ejaculation outside of the vagina, however, even in situation like yours, is not permitted.

This is based on the theology of "openness to life." We must be open to life even when the only way for it to happen is a miracle. God has granted a such a miracle recorded in the Bible.

In Genesis 17 we read the story of Abraham and his wife Sarah. When God made the covenant with Abram (changing his name to Abraham, and Sarai to Sarah), he was 99 years old. Sarah was about 10 years younger making her 89 years old. Saran was long past the child-bearing age. But, God said she will give birth to a son, Isaac.

Both Abraham and Sarah laughed laughed at the thought. Sarah laughed at the the thought of even having sex at her age:

(Genesis 17:15-19) And God said to Abraham, "As for Sar′ai your wife, you shall not call her name Sar'ai, but Sarah shall be her name. I will bless her, and moreover I will give you a son by her; I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples shall come from her." Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said to himself, "Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?" And Abraham said to God, "O that Ish'mael might live in thy sight!" God said, "No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him."

(Genesis 18:11-15) Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age; it had ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I have grown old, and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?" The Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord? (my emphasis) At the appointed time I will return to you, in the spring, and Sarah shall have a son." But Sarah denied, saying, "I did not laugh"; for she was afraid. He said, "No, but you did laugh."

God granted this miracle again with Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist. She and her husband were old and she was barren as they had no children. Yet, she gave birth to John the Baptist despite being barren and in her old age (See Luke 1:13-25). We do not know how old Elizabeth was, but apocryphal sources say she was 88 and her husband, Zechariah, 99 years old.

Nothing is too hard for God. Thus, if He wills is, sexual relations may be possible someday for you and your wife. In fact, is He wills it, a 90 year old woman can bear a child.

The lesson here is that we must always be open to life, even when it is impossible to happen according to human wisdom.

I hope this helps.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary