I just want to share what happened to me over 30 years ago.

It seemed like out of desperation I got involved in an invalid marriage (outside of the Church) and it didn't last one year. That was when I started to hear God more and more. I know He is always calling us but I wanted to do things MY way and not His way. I prayed and thought that it was God's will that I get into that invalid marriage but it was me who wanted to force things.

To make a long story short, I started reading more scripture and praying more and started trusting more in God and I took Matthew 6:25-34 to heart. I tried to build up relationships with women but they would all go sour. I was trying too hard to makes things go MY way.

Finally it got to the point that I told God (not in these specific words because I can't remember exactly) but went something like this: "OK God, You know that I have been trying to find the right woman to marry and I keep messing things up. So I feel that You do not want me to marry but to live the single life. If that's what You want, OK, I'll do it. I will no longer try but leave everything up to You. If You want me to marry YOU will have to put that woman in my path." I left it at that and really didn't worry anymore because I knew God would take care of me somehow. I started working with a friend a mine with some youth and several people, including my friend, kept telling me to ask this lady, who was also involved, out on a date. I kept telling them no, that I didn't want anybody pushing me. Again to make the story shorter, I was asked if I would help this lady on a lesson plan for the youth and I agreed. I then decided one day to ask her out to eat and she agreed.

Little did I realize that she would be the woman that God placed in my path just as I had told God to do for me. I resigned myself, from the bottom of my heart, (and not just lip service) to live alone and I think that that was what God wanted me to do; to completely hand over my life to him.

We have been married over 30 years and since both of us were not in our prime had only one son who has been my pride and joy and great and wonderful grandchildren.

That old saying, "Let go and let God" holds true.

You are correct in saying that God does not torture us, but sometimes He has to bash us over the head with a 2x4 or get on top of us and twist our arm till we yell "uncle". God works best when we give up and let Him take over.

Just thought I would share this and God bless you and am praying for your health.