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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Ministering to a terminally ill person	Walt	Saturday, December 19, 2015
Question: We just learned my 87-year old father-in-law is suffering from terminal cancer. He was baptized and raised in a protestant denomination and married his Catholic wife in an extremely "ethnic" parish where he was made to feel second-class. In that day and place, mixed marriages could not even take place at the altar. Since their marriage, he has only attended (any) church on an occasional Christmas or obligatory occasion, although he allowed his wife to raise their two children in the Catholic Church. Since their confirmations, she has fallen away from the faith but carries a lot of baggage from her ethnic, near superstitious "Catholic" past and talks about how much she was hurt by it, especially the wedding experience. Through the years, in conversation, he insists that religion is a private matter, though he claims belief in a "supreme being." My wife has serious concerns for her parents' eternal destiny and I need advice for how to minister to all of them during this sad and difficult time.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD Dear Walt: What you describe is not unusual. Your wife's parents were raised in this atmosphere and lived in that ethnic atmosphere, which will affect their thinking and practice toward Church. God understands these issues. The Church teaches that when there is a diminished capacity in a person, lack of "compete consent," for whatever reasons, grave matter is not mortal, (CCC 1859) thus eternal salvation is not effected by that issue. Only God can know, however, when this diminished capacity exists. One must have complete freedom of will to consent to the sin (in this case the sin of not attending Church). If that free will is impaired, which it may be with your wife's parents because of their experiences, then no true consent is possible. Thus, we can always have hope that a loved one is still heaven-bound based upon the possibility of their diminished capacity. As to your situation, I would express the truth about these things with love and patience. Do not nag or argue. Show them the truth by your actions more than your words. St. Francis said that we should "Preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words". Pray for them. We have a prayer in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog for wayward Catholics. This can be used for your wife's Protestant father as well: Hedge Prayer for Return of Wayward Catholics. There is also a prayer for non-Catholics: Hedge Prayer for our Separated Brethren. We will be in prayer for them and for you and your wife. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Ministering to a terminally ill person

Walt

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Question:

We just learned my 87-year old father-in-law is suffering from terminal cancer.

He was baptized and raised in a protestant denomination and married his Catholic wife in an extremely "ethnic" parish where he was made to feel second-class. In that day and place, mixed marriages could not even take place at the altar. Since their marriage, he has only attended (any) church on an occasional Christmas or obligatory occasion, although he allowed his wife to raise their two children in the Catholic Church. Since their confirmations, she has fallen away from the faith but carries a lot of baggage from her ethnic, near superstitious "Catholic" past and talks about how much she was hurt by it, especially the wedding experience.

Through the years, in conversation, he insists that religion is a private matter, though he claims belief in a "supreme being."

My wife has serious concerns for her parents' eternal destiny and I need advice for how to minister to all of them during this sad and difficult time.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD

Dear Walt:

What you describe is not unusual. Your wife's parents were raised in this atmosphere and lived in that ethnic atmosphere, which will affect their thinking and practice toward Church.

God understands these issues. The Church teaches that when there is a diminished capacity in a person, lack of "compete consent," for whatever reasons, grave matter is not mortal, (CCC 1859) thus eternal salvation is not effected by that issue. Only God can know, however, when this diminished capacity exists.

One must have complete freedom of will to consent to the sin (in this case the sin of not attending Church). If that free will is impaired, which it may be with your wife's parents because of their experiences, then no true consent is possible.

Thus, we can always have hope that a loved one is still heaven-bound based upon the possibility of their diminished capacity.

As to your situation, I would express the truth about these things with love and patience. Do not nag or argue. Show them the truth by your actions more than your words. St. Francis said that we should "Preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words".

Pray for them. We have a prayer in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog for wayward Catholics. This can be used for your wife's Protestant father as well: Hedge Prayer for Return of Wayward Catholics. There is also a prayer for non-Catholics: Hedge Prayer for our Separated Brethren.

We will be in prayer for them and for you and your wife.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum