Ask a Question - or - Return to the Faith and Spirituality Forum Index

Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
separating before priest blesses J.P. marriage	Linda	Friday, October 22, 2004
Question: Dear Brother; A friend of mine has a son in a Catholic college. The son met a girl and in order to live off campus together they had a civil marriage preformed by the Justice of the Peace.( Before this they felt they were married by exchanging private vows but the college wouldn't recognize this.) They now live off campus. Recently they approached a priest from the college to get their marriage blessed in the church. The priest told them that they would have to live apart first and also told them they couldn't receive Holy Communion until their marriage was blessed. I can understand the part about not receiving Holy Communion but I thought that the priest was off about them having to live apart as they are married in the eyes of the civil law and I thought the Church respects that. I thought only when a couple were just living together with no civil marriage could a priest tell them they should seperate as they are living in sin. I think the priest told them that if the wife was pregnant then they wouldn't have to seperate before the Church blesses their marriage. Was the priest wrong on the issue of their having to seperate first even though they were married by a Justice of the Peace?
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+ Dear Linda: If a Catholic marries outside the Church the marriage is not valid. There is no marriage in the eyes of God, even if there is a civil marriage. Thus this couple is living in the sin. It is certainly the case that the couple needs to refrain from the Sacraments until their marriage is regularized in the Church. I imagine what the priest was talking about, is that the couple needs to cease living as husband and wife (meaning to cease sinning) UNTIL the marriage is regularized. This would be proper since they are not married now in the eyes of God and sin every time they have sexual relations. This is not an unreasonable thing. They can and should be chaste until such time as the marriage is regularized. If they cannot make that sacrifice then that would be a major sign of spiritual and psychological immaturity. Getting married the way they did in the first place was an act of profound immaturity. I think that it is a reasonable penance, in addition to a technical requirement, that they remain chaste until the marriage is regularized in the Church. This can be done by living as brother and sister, or by separating for the short time needed to arrange for the marriage to be regularized. The couple, if they wish, might talk to the priest about them living together as brother and sister instead of actually living in two houses, but they need to follow his direction. Living together as brother and sisters, by the way, means just that. One is not to behave in any way that is not proper to behave if one was a roommate with their sibling -- meaning, separate bedrooms, being dressed in front of each other, avoiding any contact that would be the near occasion of sin, etc. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

separating before priest blesses J.P. marriage

Linda

Friday, October 22, 2004

Question:

Dear Brother;

A friend of mine has a son in a Catholic college. The son met a girl and in order to live off campus together they had a civil marriage preformed by the Justice of the Peace.( Before this they felt they were married by exchanging private vows but the college wouldn't recognize this.) They now live off campus.

Recently they approached a priest from the college to get their marriage blessed in the church. The priest told them that they would have to live apart first and also told them they couldn't receive Holy Communion until their marriage was blessed.

I can understand the part about not receiving Holy Communion but I thought that the priest was off about them having to live apart as they are married in the eyes of the civil law and I thought the Church respects that. I thought only when a couple were just living together with no civil marriage could a priest tell them they should seperate as they are living in sin.

I think the priest told them that if the wife was pregnant then they wouldn't have to seperate before the Church blesses their marriage.

Was the priest wrong on the issue of their having to seperate first even though they were married by a Justice of the Peace?

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+

Dear Linda:

If a Catholic marries outside the Church the marriage is not valid. There is no marriage in the eyes of God, even if there is a civil marriage. Thus this couple is living in the sin.

It is certainly the case that the couple needs to refrain from the Sacraments until their marriage is regularized in the Church.

I imagine what the priest was talking about, is that the couple needs to cease living as husband and wife (meaning to cease sinning) UNTIL the marriage is regularized. This would be proper since they are not married now in the eyes of God and sin every time they have sexual relations.

This is not an unreasonable thing. They can and should be chaste until such time as the marriage is regularized. If they cannot make that sacrifice then that would be a major sign of spiritual and psychological immaturity. Getting married the way they did in the first place was an act of profound immaturity.

I think that it is a reasonable penance, in addition to a technical requirement, that they remain chaste until the marriage is regularized in the Church.

This can be done by living as brother and sister, or by separating for the short time needed to arrange for the marriage to be regularized.

The couple, if they wish, might talk to the priest about them living together as brother and sister instead of actually living in two houses, but they need to follow his direction.

Living together as brother and sisters, by the way, means just that. One is not to behave in any way that is not proper to behave if one was a roommate with their sibling -- meaning, separate bedrooms, being dressed in front of each other, avoiding any contact that would be the near occasion of sin, etc.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum