Ask a Question - or - Return to the Faith and Spirituality Forum Index

Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Dealing with injustices done to third parties	Lorraine	Monday, February 16, 2015
Question: I realize you are not "Dear Abby" but would like a Catholic/Christian response to this situation. Long story short. I have had a friend for about 25 years who is now retired, lives alone, and is increasingly becoming a "user." She has lost several friends through the years. I attribute much of her behavior to her isolation and loneliness, though there may be some psychological issues going on, and try to overlook/forgive trivial wrongs done to me. However, I recently became aware that she did an injustice to a mutual acquaintance which cost the acquaintance several hundred dollars and much emotional pain. My "friend" seemed to delight in making the acquaintance afraid of her, and expected my help in further humiliating this woman. I told her I would not, and did not approve of her actions, whereupon, she hung up. She later called to apologize to me, but no apologies to the acquaintance she had harmed. What is our obligation to overlook or forgive wrongs we have witnessed being inflicted on others? At this point I don't feel comfortable with the closeness we once had.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), CCL, LTh, DD, LNDC Dear Lorriane: Well, perhaps you can call me, Dear Brother Bubba. This person has a serious problem. It is most likely a psychological problem. You have already done what you can do by informing her of her dysfunctional behavior. If she does not stop this behavior or get professional help the next step would be to have nothing more to do with her. You are not obligated to get intertwined in her dysfunction. Your obligation was to inform her that he behavior was inappropriate. The only thing left is to pray for her, and perhaps warn anyone who wants to get involved with her. You are not to talk about her generally to your friends as that would be gossip and the grave sin of detraction. But, you may privately talk to an individual who is having problems with her, or is about to get involved with her. That is not gossip or detraction as it is an attempt to help someone avoid the pain of involvement with this woman. As for forgiveness, we are always to do that, but in doing so we do not have to stand in front of a speeding bus. We will certainly pray for this woman. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Dealing with injustices done to third parties

Lorraine

Monday, February 16, 2015

Question:

I realize you are not "Dear Abby" but would like a Catholic/Christian response to this situation.

Long story short. I have had a friend for about 25 years who is now retired, lives alone, and is increasingly becoming a "user." She has lost several friends through the years. I attribute much of her behavior to her isolation and loneliness, though there may be some psychological issues going on, and try to overlook/forgive trivial wrongs done to me.

However, I recently became aware that she did an injustice to a mutual acquaintance which cost the acquaintance several hundred dollars and much emotional pain. My "friend" seemed to delight in making the acquaintance afraid of her, and expected my help in further humiliating this woman. I told her I would not, and did not approve of her actions, whereupon, she hung up. She later called to apologize to me, but no apologies to the acquaintance she had harmed.

What is our obligation to overlook or forgive wrongs we have witnessed being inflicted on others? At this point I don't feel comfortable with the closeness we once had.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), CCL, LTh, DD, LNDC

Dear Lorriane:

Well, perhaps you can call me, Dear Brother Bubba.

This person has a serious problem. It is most likely a psychological problem. You have already done what you can do by informing her of her dysfunctional behavior. If she does not stop this behavior or get professional help the next step would be to have nothing more to do with her. You are not obligated to get intertwined in her dysfunction. Your obligation was to inform her that he behavior was inappropriate.

The only thing left is to pray for her, and perhaps warn anyone who wants to get involved with her. You are not to talk about her generally to your friends as that would be gossip and the grave sin of detraction. But, you may privately talk to an individual who is having problems with her, or is about to get involved with her. That is not gossip or detraction as it is an attempt to help someone avoid the pain of involvement with this woman.

As for forgiveness, we are always to do that, but in doing so we do not have to stand in front of a speeding bus.

We will certainly pray for this woman.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum