Dear Maria:

Sorry for the delay in answering your question.

You are not alone. Masturbation is probably the sin most confessed in the Sacrament of Confession. It is a problem for a great many people. There is hope.

Do not bet yourself up because you started doing this again. That is actually rather normal. You need to do what you did before — pray. But, I would recommend that you follow the 20 Steps to a Pure Heart and Mind. If you follow these steps diligently it will be great help in overcoming your compulsions.

You may also need to rebuke the demon of masturbation every time you are tempted. This is a simple prayer:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son +, and of the Holy Spirit. I rebuke this spirit of masturbation. Father cast this spirit away from me forever, and give me a spirit of purity. Amen.

You also need to rebuke the spirit of depression, the spirit of worthlessness, the spirit of suicide, and the spirit that tempts you to not attend to the Sacraments (confession, Mass).

The instructions and prayer on rebuking is found in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog. The specific link for the Rebuking Prayer is here.

There is no need to "testify". I am not sure where you got this. The only person you need to "testify" (tell) is your priest in the Sacrament of Confession. However, it is very helpful to have an accountability partner, someone you trust that you can call and talk to when you feel tempted.

If you are looking at pornography on the Internet then I recommend installing Covenant Eyes on your computer. This cost around $10/month. You choose an accountability partner who will receive reports of all websites you access.

You need to resist the feeling of not going to Mass. Even if you cannot receive Communion you must still go to Mass. To fail to go to Mass is a grave sin. To have another grave sin on your soul will drag you deeper into depression and farther away from God. So, go to Mass every week even if you did not have a chance to confess. Just stay in your pew when others are going forward to receive Communion.

But, you need to get to Confession. It is the devil who inspires you to not go to Confession. Rebuke this spirit that tempts you to not go to confession. 

You need to know that God loves you. He understands your struggle. He is waiting for you to rest in His arms. Trust in Him and He will help you in your struggle. Some of the ways He has provided you to deal with this struggle is the Holy Mass, the Eucharist, Adoration, Sacramentals (such as Holy Water, which you should bless yourself with several times a day, and blessed medals, etc.), praying to the Saints, devotions (such as the Rosary), and various other prayers such as those in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog.

How do you pray? By praying these prayers I have mentioned in the above paragraph. This is how you make God the center of your life. Live the best Catholic life you can. God understands that we are sinners. It does not matter how many time we repeat the same sin, God is ready and willing to forgive you when you attend the Sacrament of Confession.

Here is what Jesus says about this:

(Matthew 18:21-22) Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

This passage means that we are to do what God does, to always forgive. God says, (1 John 1:9) "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." This is a promise of God and God does not lie, He keeps His promises.

God is not going to punish you. He wants to hug you and say, "I love you sweet daughter, and I forgive you." All you have to do is ask for forgiveness. That is what the Sacrament of Confession is for. Do not let the devil keep you from Confession. Force yourself to go if you have to, but get to Confession each and every time you fall into sin.

Another great promise of God is found in 1 Corinthian 10:13 ~

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

What this says is that the Father will not allow any temptation to come to you that is impossible to resist. Thus, when you are tempted you know for a fact that you can resist it because God says so and God does not lie. He will always give you a way to escape the temptation. 

Some of the ways he gives you to escape the temptation are the Sacraments, the Sacramentals, the Saints, devotions, spiritual warfare prayers, and things like the 20 Steps to a Pure Heart and Mind. He also gives us people who can help us such as counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists. There are medications that will help to reduce the strength of compulsions and depression. You can ask your doctor about that.

As for going to hell, in order for that to happen you must do more than commit a grave sin, you must also be able to freely choose to sin without any impediments to that freedom. You have an impediment of compulsion (lack of control) and maybe even demonic attachment. This means that you most likely are in a state of diminished responsibility. But, never presume that. Always go to Confession when you comment a grave sin.

Actually, there is no reason for any Catholic to go to hell. God provides us with the Sacrament of Confession to forgive our sins and restore us to a State of Grace. This is a great gift from God, so be sure to go to Confession.

You are worthy because Christ makes us worthy. You are a daughter of the King. Never forget that. I recommend that you pray regularly the Litany of Who You are in Christ. It is especially important to pray this litany whenever you feel bad about yourself. God loves you and understands. Rest in His arms.

We will be praying for you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary