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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
PTSD and Forgiveness	Crystal	Saturday, August 9, 2014
Question: Dear Brother, I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago due to traumatic events from 2 Family members and relationships with ex-boyfriends. I was seeing a Psychologist, but had to stopped due to my insurance. I will be resuming therapy soon that takes my current insurance as I still have occasional flashbacks of things that happened to me in my past. For example, my Uncle died in 2011 and was an alcoholic and lived with me and my Mom from 1992 to 2004. When he left in 2004, he was placed in a Nursing Home; but when he lived with me, he was very co-dependent, argumentative and more. I had been taking care of my Uncle since I was a child. As when I would visit my Grandmother, he would make me write reports for his job as he was semi illiterate. If I refused or acted like I didn't want to assist him, he would threaten to beat me. When he lived with my Mother and I, I had to take him to Doctor's appointments, made arrangements for him to go to a rehabilitation centers for him to recover and more; however he did not adhere to anything which caused me to have a lot of stress. Whenever I hear of others speaking so highly of him, it bothers me because they do not know of how he treated me. Last year, my Mother was hospitalized for Vertigo in which she recovered; but one day when I went to the hospital to see her; I found myself getting angry as I did not want to go because it felt like how I had to take care of my Uncle and now when someone wants me to assist them with anything; I get annoyed as it is a reminder of him. My Sister (half sister, same mother, different fathers) died in 1990 due to a substance abuse problem. My Sister was 11 years older than me and when I was a child, she caused me to developed a phobia of an inanimate object which I still have. She would also hit me when I was a child, whereas I was terrified of her. When I became an adult, she would steal things from me and we would get into terrible arguments, whereas I avoided her as much as possible. The other day I was watching a program and the object that I'm afraid of, was in this particular episode of the t.v. show that caused me to panic! I was enraged and asked my Mother why would my Sister torment me like this for no reason. In regards to ex-boyfriends, I've had many verbally and emotionally abuse me by telling me I was not good enough or making me feel insecure about who I am and were unfaithful. Because of this, I haven't dated or had a relationship with a man for over 10 years now, as I don't trust them and I have a fear of getting hurt. My question is for a person such as myself that has PTSD, how do they forgive a person or individuals that caused them pain and traumatized them? Also is PTSD a spiritual disease and are there any Saints you can pray to for intercession, as well as prayers. If you can give me any insight about this, I would be very grateful, as I want to heal from this condition and move on with my life. Thank you, God Bless, Crystal
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD Dear Crystal: I am sorry to hear about all the trauma you have experienced. We will certainly be in prayer for you. We have a pamphlet dealing with the subject of how to forgive that i would recommend: Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness. We are having some server problems that hopefully will be fixed today, but if this PDF file does not come up, try again in a day or two. The basic information to remember is that forgiveness is not about emotions. Forgiveness is a decision of will apart of any emotional feelings, upheavals, or trauma. What this means is that one must decide to forgive in a way that, if necessary, is cold and deliberate, ignoring all emotions. Emotions may take years to calm down, and in some cases it may take therapy. But, forgiveness is possible before one is healed by making a decision of will. How to do this is a simple prayer: "In the name of Jesus Christ, I forgive _______ for ________." The second blank line where you insert the reason you need to forgive the person, but it should be a short one-liner sentence, not a whole narrative, or even omit is altogether if even giving a one-liner statement is too emotional. Our Lord knows the reasons, thus "In the name of Jesus Christ, I forgive _______" is sufficient. In cases like yours you may need to offer the simple prayer above on a daily basis. Studies have shown that recounting the whole story of the trauma over and over actually harms your ability to forgive, and can harm your therapy and healing, because recounting the story over and over again only dredges up all the negative emotions all over again. You do need to recount your story to your therapist, but need to avoid telling it over and over. Psychological researchers a few years ago found this to be true. The bottomline is that we must forgive as a decision of will. The emotions calming down and healing will come later. The decision of will is like deciding to go to the doctor. The treatment and healing of the aliment may take time, but healing is not possible if one does not make the decision of will to go to the doctor in the first place. Making a decision of will to forgive is offering the forgiveness before Dr. Jesus. It will take time for the healing. I hope this helps. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

PTSD and Forgiveness

Crystal

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Question:

Dear Brother,

I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago due to traumatic events from 2 Family members and relationships with ex-boyfriends.

I was seeing a Psychologist, but had to stopped due to my insurance. I will be resuming therapy soon that takes my current insurance as I still have occasional flashbacks of things that happened to me in my past.

For example, my Uncle died in 2011 and was an alcoholic and lived with me and my Mom from 1992 to 2004. When he left in 2004, he was placed in a Nursing Home; but when he lived with me, he was very co-dependent, argumentative and more. I had been taking care of my Uncle since I was a child. As when I would visit my Grandmother, he would make me write reports for his job as he was semi illiterate. If I refused or acted like I didn't want to assist him, he would threaten to beat me.

When he lived with my Mother and I, I had to take him to Doctor's appointments, made arrangements for him to go to a rehabilitation centers for him to recover and more; however he did not adhere to anything which caused me to have a lot of stress. Whenever I hear of others speaking so highly of him, it bothers me because they do not know of how he treated me.

Last year, my Mother was hospitalized for Vertigo in which she recovered; but one day when I went to the hospital to see her; I found myself getting angry as I did not want to go because it felt like how I had to take care of my Uncle and now when someone wants me to assist them with anything; I get annoyed as it is a reminder of him.

My Sister (half sister, same mother, different fathers) died in 1990 due to a substance abuse problem. My Sister was 11 years older than me and when I was a child, she caused me to developed a phobia of an inanimate object which I still have. She would also hit me when I was a child, whereas I was terrified of her. When I became an adult, she would steal things from me and we would get into terrible arguments, whereas I avoided her as much as possible.

The other day I was watching a program and the object that I'm afraid of, was in this particular episode of the t.v. show that caused me to panic! I was enraged and asked my Mother why would my Sister torment me like this for no reason.

In regards to ex-boyfriends, I've had many verbally and emotionally abuse me by telling me I was not good enough or making me feel insecure about who I am and were unfaithful. Because of this, I haven't dated or had a relationship with a man for over 10 years now, as I don't trust them and I have a fear of getting hurt.

My question is for a person such as myself that has PTSD, how do they forgive a person or individuals that caused them pain and traumatized them? Also is PTSD a spiritual disease and are there any Saints you can pray to for intercession, as well as prayers.

If you can give me any insight about this, I would be very grateful, as I want to heal from this condition and move on with my life.

Thank you,
God Bless,
Crystal

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD

Dear Crystal:

I am sorry to hear about all the trauma you have experienced. We will certainly be in prayer for you.

We have a pamphlet dealing with the subject of how to forgive that i would recommend: Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness. We are having some server problems that hopefully will be fixed today, but if this PDF file does not come up, try again in a day or two.

The basic information to remember is that forgiveness is not about emotions. Forgiveness is a decision of will apart of any emotional feelings, upheavals, or trauma.

What this means is that one must decide to forgive in a way that, if necessary, is cold and deliberate, ignoring all emotions. Emotions may take years to calm down, and in some cases it may take therapy. But, forgiveness is possible before one is healed by making a decision of will.

How to do this is a simple prayer: "In the name of Jesus Christ, I forgive _______ for ________." The second blank line where you insert the reason you need to forgive the person, but it should be a short one-liner sentence, not a whole narrative, or even omit is altogether if even giving a one-liner statement is too emotional. Our Lord knows the reasons, thus "In the name of Jesus Christ, I forgive _______" is sufficient.

In cases like yours you may need to offer the simple prayer above on a daily basis.

Studies have shown that recounting the whole story of the trauma over and over actually harms your ability to forgive, and can harm your therapy and healing, because recounting the story over and over again only dredges up all the negative emotions all over again. You do need to recount your story to your therapist, but need to avoid telling it over and over. Psychological researchers a few years ago found this to be true.

The bottomline is that we must forgive as a decision of will. The emotions calming down and healing will come later. The decision of will is like deciding to go to the doctor. The treatment and healing of the aliment may take time, but healing is not possible if one does not make the decision of will to go to the doctor in the first place.

Making a decision of will to forgive is offering the forgiveness before Dr. Jesus. It will take time for the healing.

I hope this helps.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum