Dear Cody:

I hope you have misinterpreted your confessor. I can see where a confessor might say to a scrupulous person something like, "unless you are sure objectively that you have gravely sinned, go ahead and receive communion."

The primary problem with scrupulosity is that the person thinks there is mortal sin around every corner. That is, the scrupulous fear that they have committed mortal sin all the time without objective reason.

Mortal (grave) sin is mostly objectively known. The bible lists grave sins in the Ten Commandments and in Galatians 5:19-21. In the Catechism and other Church documents wherever a sin is labeled "serious," "grave," or "grave matter" then that is a sin that must be confessed in the Sacrament.

Whenever one is not sure if a sin is grave or not, then ask one's confessor. Keep in mind, however, that while grave sins must be confessed, the Church teaches that it is a good thing to bring venial sins to the Sacrament of Confession too. So relax, since both grave and venial sins may be confessed in the Sacrament there is no need to fret over the distinction — confess both grave and venial sins.

If you wish, go to Confession weekly. That is what the Saints did, and that is what the Pope does. Do not worry about sifting out the grave from the venial. Confess all your sin regardless of it being grave or venial. Tell your confessor that you are confessing both grave and venal sins, if he asks, as the Church says that it is a good thing to do.

The Catechism states:

1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church (Cf. Council of Trent: DS 1680; CIC, can. 988 § 2). Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father's mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful (Cf. Lk 6:36):

Whoever confesses his sins . . . is already working with God. God indicts your sins; if you also indict them, you are joined with God. Man and sinner are, so to speak, two realities: when you hear "man" - this is what God has made; when you hear "sinner" - this is what man himself has made. Destroy what you have made, so that God may save what he has made. . . . When you begin to abhor what you have made, it is then that your good works are beginning, since you are accusing yourself of your evil works. The beginning of good works is the confession of evil works. You do the truth and come to the light (St. Augustine, In Jo. ev. 12,13:PL 35,1491).

Now, with this said you need to stop fearing that you commit mortal sin. One cannot trip into mortal sin. Mortal sin is not something you "feel".  It is objectively known. For a grave sin to be mortal it must be committed with eyes wide open.

The Church teaches that mortal sin requires three things to be true:

1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."

1858 Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments, corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and your mother." The gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is graver than theft. One must also take into account who is wronged: violence against parents is in itself graver than violence against a stranger.

1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God's law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin.

Not every little thing is mortal. To be mortal is must be grave matter. As I mentioned above and as the Catechism states, grave matter is listed in the Ten Commandments (also the list of the sins of the flesh mentioned by St. Paul in Galatians).

It is not grave matter to be irritated with your confessor, thus it is not mortal. Now, if your irritation becomes a hatred of your confessor, or a real uncharity or badmouthing your confessor, then a sin is committed. But, a mere irritation is not sin.

The bottomline: Do not presume every sin you commit is mortal. Consider whether or not the sin violated the Ten Commandments or the list of the sins of the flesh in Galatians chapter five. For a detailed description of that constitutes a sin against the Ten Commandments read the Catechism. The Catechism has a chapter on each of the Ten Commandments. If your sin is not listed or described, then it most likely is venial.

As I mentioned above, in terms of what to confess in the Sacrament of Confession, you do not have to agonize over where the lines are drawn between mortal (grave) and venial sins since you can Confess all sin, mortal or venial in the Sacrament of Confession. After all, we are not to sin at all, venial or grave.

If, after an objective discernment, you think you have committed grave sin and you go to Mass before you get to Confession, then refrain from Communion. Remain in your pew in prayer while others go forward to receive. This is not a big deal. Technically, the Church requires that we receive communion only once a year during the Easter Season. We should receive often, but technically it is required only once a year. Thus, it is not a major deal if you do not receive every week.

As for committing mortal sin and then dying before getting to Confession and thereby going to hell, God is not that cruel. The Church teaching that if one commits grave sin during the week that they can be restored to a State of Grace immediately by saying a Perfect Act of Contrition. Thus, if one sins on Monday and dies on Wednesday before being able to get to Confession on Saturday, the person still goes to heaven if he has said a Perfect Act of Contrition. If you sin at 9:00pm and then say a Perfect Act of Contrition at 9:02pm, then you are covered, you are restored to a State of Grace at 9:02pm.

This grace that God has given us of a Perfect Act of Contrition comes with a proviso — we must promise to confess that sin in the actual Sacrament of Confession as soon as possible and we are to refrain from communion until we make confession in the Sacrament.

A Perfect Act of Contrition is to be sorry for our sins because we love God and are sorry that we disappointed Him. An Imperfect Act of Contrition is to be sorry for our sins because we fear hell.

Now, as to the scrupulosity. Scrupulosity is the religious form of obsessive-compulsive behavior. If may help you to go to a Catholic mental health professional to receive counseling about how to overcome this condition. If necessary, there are drugs that can help to overcome this. Obsessive-Compulsive behavior can be caused by an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain. In mild cases, regular exercise several times a week can help to cause these chemicals to balance out. In other cases, drugs will help to balance those chemicals. Once the brain chemistry is in balance then the compulsive-obsessive behaviors may subside.

Second, you need to pray for God to help you to relieve your fear. Spiritual Warfare prayers can help to get rid of any demon of fear. There is a Rebuking Particular Spirits at that link above where you can rebuke the "spirit of fear"

Third realize that not every sin is mortal. Try to objectively access your sin. Is your sin on the list of grave sins listed in the Ten Commandments and in the Catechism? If not, then your sin is most likely venial. If in doubt then ask your confessor or some other priest.

Fourth, in terms of what you confess in the Sacrament of Confession, you do not have to fret over labeling your sins mortal or venial. It is okay to confess both mortal and venial sins.

Fifth, if you think you have gravely sinned, after an objective assessment, and you attend Mass before going to Confession, do not fret. Just do not receive that day; It is no big deal.

Sixth, remember that when you do gravely sin, you can say a Perfect Act of Contrition right away and be restored to a State of Grace right then and there. That means that if you die before getting to the Sacrament of Confession you still go to heaven because you are in state of grace by virtue of the Perfect Act. But, when making this Perfect Act, you must promise to get to the Sacrament of Confession to confess that sin at your earliest opportunity and to not receive communion until you do.

Relax. Grave sins are mostly objectively known and listed in the Catechism and the Bible. And, God is a merciful and loving God. He provides us with every means to remain in a state of grace, such as the Perfect Act of Contrition that restores us to God's grace before we have the opportunity to go to the formal Sacrament of Confession.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary