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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Spiritual Welfare of Children and Grandchildren	Lynn	Saturday, June 29, 2013
Question: Dear Bro. Ignatius, First of all, thank you so very much for all of your wise spiritual guidance for so many people. God Bless you for it. My question is similar (although not exactly the same) as Kate's question on 4/29/13 about Mental Illness and Spirituality. We have a daughter who is grown, married with 3 small children of her own. She suffers from severe clinical depression and has suffered from this from her late teenage years. I pray for her and her family daily in my rosary, as she sometimes struggles greatly with the modern day stresses of family life. She has been what you would call a "nominal" Catholic and does not always go to Mass on Sunday. Her husband is of really of no religion, and he will go with the family on Holidays but no other time. She had the children in Catholic school until last year when the finances would not allow, so she did send them to religious education, but during the last half of the year, she became terribly sick with physical health problems and was in and out of the hospital several times, followed by a severe emotional breakdown which again hospitalized her. Therefore Grandpa and I took them both to Mass on Sunday and then to religious ed. My question is this: there seem to be times that she doesn't feel up to going to Mass, but she will allow me to take them with us. There have also been times that she seems to resist me taking them to Mass for one reason or another. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells asking if I may take them to Mass at times, so I sometimes just let it go altogether if she's in one of her moods. I feel like I should do what I can do, but don't want to get in God's way with all this. Sometimes I feel a very strong pull to make sure they get the education and spiritual training and Mass time they need to respond to God's Love, but at others times, I feel it's better to back off. The trouble with this is that I don't want them to get the message: "It's ok to go to Mass only when it's convenient". Let me know what your thoughts are. I feel at times I'm between a rock and a hard place, but I'm doing what I can. Thank you again for your feedback. Blessings, Lynn
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), CCL, LTh, DD, LNDC Dear Lynn: Well, the problem with giving you advice on this is that I do not have the details like, the age of the kids, and what do you mean by resistance when she is in that mood? With that proviso, I would talk to your daughter when she is in a good mood to make a deal that you will always take the kids to Mass and religious education every week. This will alleviate any burden your daughter may feel about the obligation to do it herself. Sometime people who are depressed feel overwhelmed in doing even the littlest task and the idea of taking her kids to Mass or class may just be too much for her. Thus, if you take over that task completely, it may help her to feel less overwhelmed. She is always welcomed to come to Mass with you and the kids, but nevertheless, the kids always go with you. If she resists on some week, remind her that this was the deal for you to take the kids to Mass and to class. If it becomes a push-shove situation, you will have to discern whether or not to insist on the deal and take the kids anyway. Concerning the kids thinking that Mass is only when convenient, they will see that you are there to take them to Mass, that you go to Mass weekly, and that it is their mother who is preventing them from attending. Depending on the age of the kids, you might explain to them that sometimes when mommy is not feeling well they need to stay home. Again, all this must be by your discernment of the situation as I cannot know the details of your daughter's behavior. A knock out fight with your daughter is definitely not good. But, perhaps if she is willing to make a long-term deal with you, she will be less resistive. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Spiritual Welfare of Children and Grandchildren

Lynn

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Question:

Dear Bro. Ignatius,

First of all, thank you so very much for all of your wise spiritual guidance for so many people. God Bless you for it.

My question is similar (although not exactly the same) as Kate's question on 4/29/13 about Mental Illness and Spirituality. We have a daughter who is grown, married with 3 small children of her own. She suffers from severe clinical depression and has suffered from this from her late teenage years. I pray for her and her family daily in my rosary, as she sometimes struggles greatly with the modern day stresses of family life. She has been what you would call a "nominal" Catholic and does not always go to Mass on Sunday. Her husband is of really of no religion, and he will go with the family on Holidays but no other time.

She had the children in Catholic school until last year when the finances would not allow, so she did send them to religious education, but during the last half of the year, she became terribly sick with physical health problems and was in and out of the hospital several times, followed by a severe emotional breakdown which again hospitalized her. Therefore Grandpa and I took them both to Mass on Sunday and then to religious ed.

My question is this: there seem to be times that she doesn't feel up to going to Mass, but she will allow me to take them with us. There have also been times that she seems to resist me taking them to Mass for one reason or another. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells asking if I may take them to Mass at times, so I sometimes just let it go altogether if she's in one of her moods. I feel like I should do what I can do, but don't want to get in God's way with all this. Sometimes I feel a very strong pull to make sure they get the education and spiritual training and Mass time they need to respond to God's Love, but at others times, I feel it's better to back off. The trouble with this is that I don't want them to get the message: "It's ok to go to Mass only when it's convenient".

Let me know what your thoughts are. I feel at times I'm between a rock and a hard place, but I'm doing what I can.

Thank you again for your feedback.

Blessings, Lynn

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), CCL, LTh, DD, LNDC

Dear Lynn:

Well, the problem with giving you advice on this is that I do not have the details like, the age of the kids, and what do you mean by resistance when she is in that mood?

With that proviso, I would talk to your daughter when she is in a good mood to make a deal that you will always take the kids to Mass and religious education every week. This will alleviate any burden your daughter may feel about the obligation to do it herself. Sometime people who are depressed feel overwhelmed in doing even the littlest task and the idea of taking her kids to Mass or class may just be too much for her. Thus, if you take over that task completely, it may help her to feel less overwhelmed. She is always welcomed to come to Mass with you and the kids, but nevertheless, the kids always go with you.

If she resists on some week, remind her that this was the deal for you to take the kids to Mass and to class.

If it becomes a push-shove situation, you will have to discern whether or not to insist on the deal and take the kids anyway.

Concerning the kids thinking that Mass is only when convenient, they will see that you are there to take them to Mass, that you go to Mass weekly, and that it is their mother who is preventing them from attending. Depending on the age of the kids, you might explain to them that sometimes when mommy is not feeling well they need to stay home. Again, all this must be by your discernment of the situation as I cannot know the details of your daughter's behavior. A knock out fight with your daughter is definitely not good. But, perhaps if she is willing to make a long-term deal with you, she will be less resistive.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum