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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
When to draw the line: Part 2	Fred	Monday, April 29, 2013
Question: Dear Brother, One last question: is it a sin to not want to engage with the family (with those beliefs) if it is triggering and their mentality causes much frustration and mental confusion and is emotionally draining. In other words, to move on and forgive but not engage with such family (but if necessary to engage to be civil but it is difficult to be around that type of thinking). Dee's husband is always trying to force Dee in his son's life at a very obsessive rate. The son just wants peace and does not know how to relate to that mentality. The son just wants to try to be a good Catholic. When the son engages with the father, he ends up so mad and does not want to raise his voice to his father. Sometimes feels almost like not talking with his father but also feels badly for his father and also does not want to enable his father's thinking. The father (Dee's husband) see no wrong in anything). The son has not ever been able to tolerate such concepts of thinking (and before the reveal) and can not logically process any of it afterwards either. In other words, it feels healthier and more peaceful to walk away from that families thinking. Is walking away from it all a sin? The son does not want to welcome Dee's thinking in his life as it is incredibly intolerable. Okay, thank you very much for your guidance.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), CCL, LTh, DD, LNDC Dear Fred: We must always forgive each other for everything, but we do not have to like the person or have anything to do with the person. We must forgive, but we do not have to allow the person to abuse us or otherwise cause us to lose our peace in Christ. Here is an article about the nature of forgiveness, what it is, and what it is not. We are required by Christ to forgive. We do not forgive, Christ will not forgive us (Matt 6:15). As the article explains, forgiveness does not mean that we must like the person, or have anything to do with him. Even with family members sometimes it is best to be estranged. St. Paul says in Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all." The operative phrase is "if possible, so far as it depends upon you." We cannot control others, but we can control our own behavior. If others do not wish to live peaceably and with respect toward us, if others have structures of behavior that is destructive, then the answer is, yes, sometimes it is better forgive them and then to walk away. If all has been done to resolve the issues, and nothing ever gets resolved, sometimes it is best to walk away, even from family. I have done that myself with an abusive family member. There is no sin in this. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

When to draw the line: Part 2

Fred

Monday, April 29, 2013

Question:

Dear Brother,

One last question: is it a sin to not want to engage with the family (with those beliefs) if it is triggering and their mentality causes much frustration and mental confusion and is emotionally draining.

In other words, to move on and forgive but not engage with such family (but if necessary to engage to be civil but it is difficult to be around that type of thinking). Dee's husband is always trying to force Dee in his son's life at a very obsessive rate. The son just wants peace and does not know how to relate to that mentality. The son just wants to try to be a good Catholic. When the son engages with the father, he ends up so mad and does not want to raise his voice to his father. Sometimes feels almost like not talking with his father but also feels badly for his father and also does not want to enable his father's thinking. The father (Dee's husband) see no wrong in anything). The son has not ever been able to tolerate such concepts of thinking (and before the reveal) and can not logically process any of it afterwards either. In other words, it feels healthier and more peaceful to walk away from that families thinking. Is walking away from it all a sin? The son does not want to welcome Dee's thinking in his life as it is incredibly intolerable. Okay, thank you very much for your guidance.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), CCL, LTh, DD, LNDC

Dear Fred:

We must always forgive each other for everything, but we do not have to like the person or have anything to do with the person. We must forgive, but we do not have to allow the person to abuse us or otherwise cause us to lose our peace in Christ.

Here is an article about the nature of forgiveness, what it is, and what it is not.

We are required by Christ to forgive. We do not forgive, Christ will not forgive us (Matt 6:15).

As the article explains, forgiveness does not mean that we must like the person, or have anything to do with him. Even with family members sometimes it is best to be estranged.

St. Paul says in Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all." The operative phrase is "if possible, so far as it depends upon you." We cannot control others, but we can control our own behavior. If others do not wish to live peaceably and with respect toward us, if others have structures of behavior that is destructive, then the answer is, yes, sometimes it is better forgive them and then to walk away. If all has been done to resolve the issues, and nothing ever gets resolved, sometimes it is best to walk away, even from family. I have done that myself with an abusive family member. There is no sin in this.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum