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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Forgiveness	Omar	Tuesday, October 5, 2004
Question: Hello Brother: As always, great work with the site. I was reading a reply you posted to a question entitled "Is Evil Just A Definition," and i had a question regarding the guidelines for forgiveness which you posted. In the guidelines, it says that part of forgiveness is to not use the past against the person, for their sake and for our own. However, if we don't let the past guide us in making decisions of trusting that person again, they could very well hurt us again. On one hand, as a part of forgiveness we shouldn't use the past against the person, but on the other hand, if we don't use the past as a guide, we could possibly get hurt again by that person. Can you clarify this, or help shed some light on the matter? Thank you, and God bless you and your ministry. Omar
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+ Dear Omar: The issue of forgiveness and the issue of prudence are two completely separate issues. If a person has betrayed you, it is important to forgive, but that does not mean that you should be so stupid as to let down your guard with this fellow. Forgiveness does not mean we have to like the person, be buddies with him, invite him to dinner, or trust him ever again. Forgiveness means to let go and let God take care of the person. The old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" is appropriate here. In the more severe situations, like a date rape, one certainly is not expected to trust that person ever again, nor is it expected that the victim ever talk to, see, or have any contact with the perpetrator. If one sees this perpetrator coming down the street, it would be permissible to walk over to the other side of the street to avoid him. This is prudent. Within this prudent behavior that considers the past as a predictor of the future, forgiveness is still possible. I could be wrong, but I believe it is perfectly okay to say, "I forgive you for hurting me, but I never want to see you, hear from you, or talk to you ever again. I do not trust you and will not allow you to hurt me again." God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Forgiveness

Omar

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Question:

Hello Brother:

As always, great work with the site. I was reading a reply you posted to a question entitled "Is Evil Just A Definition," and i had a question regarding the guidelines for forgiveness which you posted.

In the guidelines, it says that part of forgiveness is to not use the past against the person, for their sake and for our own. However, if we don't let the past guide us in making decisions of trusting that person again, they could very well hurt us again.

On one hand, as a part of forgiveness we shouldn't use the past against the person, but on the other hand, if we don't use the past as a guide, we could possibly get hurt again by that person. Can you clarify this, or help shed some light on the matter?

Thank you, and God bless you and your ministry.

Omar

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+

Dear Omar:

The issue of forgiveness and the issue of prudence are two completely separate issues.

If a person has betrayed you, it is important to forgive, but that does not mean that you should be so stupid as to let down your guard with this fellow.

Forgiveness does not mean we have to like the person, be buddies with him, invite him to dinner, or trust him ever again. Forgiveness means to let go and let God take care of the person.

The old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" is appropriate here.

In the more severe situations, like a date rape, one certainly is not expected to trust that person ever again, nor is it expected that the victim ever talk to, see, or have any contact with the perpetrator. If one sees this perpetrator coming down the street, it would be permissible to walk over to the other side of the street to avoid him. This is prudent.

Within this prudent behavior that considers the past as a predictor of the future, forgiveness is still possible.

I could be wrong, but I believe it is perfectly okay to say, "I forgive you for hurting me, but I never want to see you, hear from you, or talk to you ever again. I do not trust you and will not allow you to hurt me again."

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum