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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
ex friend	valerie	Monday, February 4, 2013
Question: How are you brother.l am doing good.brother, I had a friend that l loved so dearly but later after 3 years I realised that she was committing adultery and she was even seducing my husband.as a friend I told her that it wasn't good but then ever since then she hated me so much that she doesn't want to see me.if I meet her ,I can see her anger and hatred towards me and this really disturbs me.I have done nothing wrong to her.she is the one who actually did something wrong to me.maybe I am the one who is supposed to be doing that to her.to her it seems I have done something really wrong because l am trying to prevent her from doing things that she badly want to do.she even. goes around saying very bad things about me.l don't really want to be friends with her but the ways she reacts when she sees me disturbs me.I just want to be at peace with her.should I ask her for forgiveness for hurting her..coz to her I have hurt her .for the sake of peace.thank you for your response
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD Dear Valerie: I am confused. Why, in one's wildest imagination, have you hurt her? This woman has hurt you by committing adultery with your husband. You have nothing to apologize for. You are perfectly correct to try to end this adultery to save your marriage. You can certainly ask this woman to back off, but let her go after that and have nothing more to do with her. Even if the woman will not back off, your husband can choose to rebuff her advances. He needs to repent, even if the woman will not. Adultery does not need to end a marriage if the offender repents. Why do you care what this woman thinks of you or treats you? She is in sin and should be avoided. You do need to forgive her, however. If she treats you badly, forgive her, but walk away. St. Paul teaches, (Rom 12:17-18) "Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all." You cannot control this woman. If she wishes to be a harpy, that is her choice. Do not return bad behavior toward her. Instead, forgive her and pray for her. But, try to avoid her. You can see her coming down the sidewalk and cross the street to avoid her and still forgive her. Forgiveness does not require that we like a person or to have anything to do with a person. See our pamphlet on Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness. We will pray for you and for your marriage, and pray for this poor woman who does not appear to repent of her sin. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

ex friend

valerie

Monday, February 4, 2013

Question:

How are you brother.l am doing good.brother,

I had a friend that l loved so dearly but later after 3 years I realised that she was committing adultery and she was even seducing my husband.as a friend I told her that it wasn't good but then ever since then she hated me so much that she doesn't want to see me.if I meet her ,I can see her anger and hatred towards me and this really disturbs me.I have done nothing wrong to her.she is the one who actually did something wrong to me.maybe I am the one who is supposed to be doing that to her.to her it seems I have done something really wrong because l am trying to prevent her from doing things that she badly want to do.she even. goes around saying very bad things about me.l don't really want to be friends with her but the ways she reacts when she sees me disturbs me.I just want to be at peace with her.should I ask her for forgiveness for hurting her..coz to her I have hurt her .for the sake of peace.thank you for your response

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), LTh, DD

Dear Valerie:

I am confused. Why, in one's wildest imagination, have you hurt her? This woman has hurt you by committing adultery with your husband. You have nothing to apologize for.

You are perfectly correct to try to end this adultery to save your marriage. You can certainly ask this woman to back off, but let her go after that and have nothing more to do with her.

Even if the woman will not back off, your husband can choose to rebuff her advances. He needs to repent, even if the woman will not. Adultery does not need to end a marriage if the offender repents.

Why do you care what this woman thinks of you or treats you? She is in sin and should be avoided. You do need to forgive her, however. If she treats you badly, forgive her, but walk away.

St. Paul teaches, (Rom 12:17-18) "Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all."

You cannot control this woman. If she wishes to be a harpy, that is her choice. Do not return bad behavior toward her. Instead, forgive her and pray for her. But, try to avoid her. You can see her coming down the sidewalk and cross the street to avoid her and still forgive her. Forgiveness does not require that we like a person or to have anything to do with a person. See our pamphlet on Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness.

We will pray for you and for your marriage, and pray for this poor woman who does not appear to repent of her sin.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum