Ask a Question - or - Return to the Faith and Spirituality Forum Index

Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Marital relations	Sharon	Saturday, August 11, 2012
Question: My husband and I were married in the catholic church over 20 years ago. I am Catholic, he isn't. We had one child and either used the withdrawal method or a condom to prevent further children. I realize that is a grave matter that I must confess to a priest. I am a lapsed catholic who feels very drawn to return to my faith and the holy catholic church. My concern though is that my husband got a vasectomy a few years ago. This was his decision and although I didn't encourage him to do it, I didn't forbid him either. How can I possibly reconcile this with my desire to return to the church? Abstaining from sex for the rest of our lives will not be accepted by my husband. Am I now in a position of having to choose between being absolved of mortal sin or leaving my husband?
Question Answered by Dear Sharon: Do not fear. You are not responsible for your husband's sin. And even if you believe that you have some complicity in his sin, God forgives all sin when we come to him to ask forgiveness. You may have relations with your husband without sinning. I applaud you wanting to return to the Church. You can return to the Church and be in good standing as soon as you confess all your sins since your last confession. As for the vasectomy, what is done is done. That is a singular act, not a continuing sin. The consequences of sterilization is that you can no longer enjoy the blessing of children, but that is a consequence, not a sin. Therefore, after confession you can be a practicing Catholic and still enjoy the marital embrace. This does not condemn you to perpetual abstinence with your husband. You are not in a position to choose mortal sin or your husband. There is no continuing mortal sin here. There are two purposes for the martial embrace. While having children is no longer possible because of your husband's actions, the second purpose is the bonding of the husband and wife. Thus, the second purpose of the marital embrace still exists with you and your husband allowing the marital embrace to be completely valid and good. Bottomline: Confess you sins since your last confession, return to full communion with the Church and partake of her Sacraments, and continue to enjoy the marital embrace with your husband. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Marital relations

Sharon

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Question:

My husband and I were married in the catholic church over 20 years ago. I am Catholic, he isn't. We had one child and either used the withdrawal method or a condom to prevent further children. I realize that is a grave matter that I must confess to a priest. I am a lapsed catholic who feels very drawn to return to my faith and the holy catholic church. My concern though is that my husband got a vasectomy a few years ago. This was his decision and although I didn't encourage him to do it, I didn't forbid him either. How can I possibly reconcile this with my desire to return to the church? Abstaining from sex for the rest of our lives will not be accepted by my husband. Am I now in a position of having to choose between being absolved of mortal sin or leaving my husband?

Question Answered by

Dear Sharon:

Do not fear. You are not responsible for your husband's sin. And even if you believe that you have some complicity in his sin, God forgives all sin when we come to him to ask forgiveness. You may have relations with your husband without sinning.

I applaud you wanting to return to the Church. You can return to the Church and be in good standing as soon as you confess all your sins since your last confession.

As for the vasectomy, what is done is done. That is a singular act, not a continuing sin. The consequences of sterilization is that you can no longer enjoy the blessing of children, but that is a consequence, not a sin.

Therefore, after confession you can be a practicing Catholic and still enjoy the marital embrace. This does not condemn you to perpetual abstinence with your husband. You are not in a position to choose mortal sin or your husband. There is no continuing mortal sin here.

There are two purposes for the martial embrace. While having children is no longer possible because of your husband's actions, the second purpose is the bonding of the husband and wife. Thus, the second purpose of the marital embrace still exists with you and your husband allowing the marital embrace to be completely valid and good.

Bottomline: Confess you sins since your last confession, return to full communion with the Church and partake of her Sacraments, and continue to enjoy the marital embrace with your husband.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum