Dear Christina:

From what you have been telling me, I think your decision to "divorce" your family is a good decision. It would be best to withdraw from their society altogether.

Yes, we are to love everyone, but this is not a contradiction to withdraw from someone's friendship or family. We are commanded to love everyone, but that does not mean we have to like them or associate with them. For example, we cannot expect a woman who is raped to invite the rapist over for dinner, but she does need to forgive him.

If I did not post this before, we have a pamphlet that explains all this: Dealing with Unforgiveness and Bitterness

What love means is described in 1 Corinthians 13. While you may wish to not associate with someone, if that person had a heart attack on the sidewalk in front of you, love would demand that you help that person, even if you do not like him and wish nothing to do with him. That is what love requires. But, love does not require one to be subject to abuse, or subject to any environment that is detrimental to your own mental or spiritual health.

Thus, there is no contradiction in loving our neighbor while at the same time not liking that neighbor and wishing to have nothing to do with him.

If you are invited to a family function, just politely decline the invitation. A simple, "Thank for the invite, but I will not be able to attend."

If they insist on knowing why, I would say, "I have my reasons, please respect that." If they still obnoxiously insist, then say, "I am sorry but the family disturbs me, please do not call me again.?"

If they still insist, just hang up.

I would be changing your phone number and making it unlisted.

If they come to your door, do not answer the door. If they make a scene, call the police to have them escorted off your property.

You are going to have to be tough if they do not respect your space and privacy.

Do not let your dysfunctional family taint your view of marriage. The reason for courtship (which does not exist today, but you can do it if you make the choice) is to get to know one another over time. A couple should be courting for at least two years before entertaining marriage, and an engagement of at least one year after that. Do not complicate things with the sin of pre-marital sex. That clouds the intellect as to making proper decisions about the one you are courting, plus it is grave sin.

The primary reason for the high rate of divorce is that the couples did not court, that their idea of sex is twisted, that they were too immature when they got married, that they had pre-marital sex. Couples who have pre-marital sex are far more likely to divorce. Couples who live together before marriage have even higher rates of divorce.

Any man who will not wait until the wedding night is a jerk and as ass and not worthy of you.

There is always a risk, but making good choices in the beginning (such as choosing a good devout Catholic man), chastely courting over time, sharing prayers and devotions during that courting and after the marriage, is a good risk if everything looks good for a marriage commitment.

After the marriage the couple still needs to court each other, pray together, share devotions, put God first and then the marriage and then the kids, in that order, communicate with one another, share thoughts and dreams, cry together, laugh together, etc. will all help to make the marriage a successful and Godly one.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary