Dear Treasa:

I am sorry to hear about these troubles.

The justice of man is not the same thing as the justice of God. Justice does not wish anything bad upon a person. Justice seeks truth and love in a situation.

In this case, it does not sound like it is really the relatives that are the problem. You must avoid even the hint of uncharity toward them. Seeking that they go back where they came from hints of anger and revenge.

The problem, as you have described it, is not the mere presence of the relatives, but an unhealthy relationship between the relatives and the your husband, and between your husband and yourself. This is a character issue.  Psychologically this hints of a co-dependency problem. Even if the relatives moved back to their former home, the character of your husband remains.

In any marriage, God must come first, the spouse second, and any children third. Anything that threatens that trinity of love must be avoided. Sometimes that requires avoiding relatives if they intrude and cause harm to one's marriage and household. When a spouse, in this case your husband, fails to see this, he fails as the paterfamilias (priest) of the the home to which God has called him. Relatives never come before one's own spouse and household.

The only possible remedy is a loving patience in prayer for your husband to come to his senses and realize where his first responsibilities must be. Prayer can also be made for the relatives that they find the things they need for their own well-being and not to depend inappropriately on your husband.

The most powerful prayers focus on our own limitations rather than the limitations of others. For example, here is an excellent prayer for the marriage:

Prayer for Marriage

Loving heavenly Father, I thank You for Your perfect plan for our marriage. I know that a marriage lived in Your will and blessing is fulfilling and beautiful. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I bring our marriage before You, that You may make it all You desire it to be. Please forgive me for my sins of failure in our marriage. [Confess specific and particular areas of failure.]

In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, strengthened by the intercession of the Immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God, of Blessed Michael the Archangel, of the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul, and all the Saints and Angels of Heaven, and powerful in the holy authority of His Name, I ask you to tear down, O Lord, all of Satan’s strongholds designed to destroy our marriage. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I ask Father that You help us to break all relationships between us that have been established by Satan and his wicked spirits. I will accept only the relationships established by You and the blessed Holy Spirit. I invite the Holy Spirit to enable me to relate to [spouse’s name] in a manner that will meet her/his needs. I will submit our conversation to You, that it may please You. I submit our physical relationship to You that it may enjoy Your blessing. I submit our love to You that You may cause it to grow and mature.

I desire to know and experience in marriage the fullness of Your perfect will. Open my eyes to see all areas where I am deceived. Open [spouse’s name] to see any of Satan’s deception upon her/him. Make our union to be the Christ-centered and blessed relationship You have designed in Your perfect will. I ask this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ with thanksgiving. Amen.

Remember that you cannot do anything about someone else's failure. You can only deal with your own. You must explore what part you may have in facilitating the co-dependency of your husband with these relatives. Yes, he has failures too, and so do the relatives, but you can deal only with yours.

In terms of your husband's part in all this, I recommend that you pray the Hedge Prayer for Return of a Wayward Spouse.

Persevere in prayer. Your prayers can help life the fog around your husband to allow the Holy Spirit to have a greater influence upon him. But, remember that God does not force anyone to do anything. While God is a mighty persuader, the person himself as the final say.

There are times we must accept the bitter lemon in life. When that happens give that lemon to God and he will make sweet lemonade according to His will. That lemonade may not be what we want, but God will give us what we need.

Remember Romans 8:28 - "We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose."

This means that God can make lemonade even out of tragedy. Even if the situation with your husband is not resolved, God can make lemonade in your life. God loves you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary