Dear Peter:

There are some confused souls, like Jimmy Akin, who suggested in an essay in This Rock magazine, that we are not required to forgive someone unless they ask for forgiveness. This is not Christian teaching. 

We are always to forgive. Forgiveness has little to do with the person that abused us. It has to do with God's command to forgive everyone, even our enemies who obviously are not asking for forgiveness, and it has to do with getting on with one's life and letting God take care of the abuser.

We have a pamplet on Forgiveness that I recommend to help understand this issue.

The basis of the error committed by Jimmy Akin is a misundertanding and misinterpretation of various Scripture passages. To quote from his The Limits of Forgiveness:

Consider Luke 17:3–4, where Jesus tells us, "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him."

Notice that Jesus says to forgive him if he repents, not regardless of whether he does so. Jesus also envisions the person coming back to you and admitting his wrong.

The upshot? If someone isn’t repentant, you don’t have to forgive him?

No, Jimmy, the upshot is that this passage is saying that we are always to be merciful. Unfortunately, Jimmy Akin interprets this passage in the same myopic way as do Protestants when they interpret Scripture. His interpretation does not jive with the rest of Scripture and he misses the point that this passage is talking about mercy and not talking about times in which we do not have to forgive. Jimmy also seems to miss Matthew 18:21-22 in which nothing is said about forgiving after a person repents:

Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. 

The Ignatius Catholic Study Bible notes by Scott Hahn and Curtis Mitch affirm that we are talking about how many times are we to be merciful in the Luke passage: "17:4 seven times: A call for limitless mercy (James 2:13, CCC 2227)."

2227 Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents. Each and everyone should be generous and tireless in forgiving one another for offenses, quarrels, injustices, and neglect. Mutual affection suggests this. The charity of Christ demands it.

Anyone who has been part of a family or whom has friend knows that often a person must first approach the family member or friend to forgive them. Only then does the family member or friend repent.

The Navarre Bible Commentary, one of the best and most orthodox commentaries in the world gives the following commentary on Luke 17:3-4:

In order to be a Christian one must always, genuinely, forgive others. Also, one has to correct and airing brother to help him change his behavior. A fraternal correction should always be done in a very refined way, full of charity; otherwise we would humiliate the person who has committed default, whereas we should not humiliating and help them to be better.

Forgiving offenses — which is something we should always do — should not be confused with giving up rights which have been unjustly violated. One can claim rights without any kind of hatred being applied; and sometimes charity and justice require us to exercise our rights. "Let's not confuse the right of the office you hold with your rights as a person. The former can never be waived" (Blessed J. Escrivá, The Way, 407).the

Sincere forgiveness leads us to forget the particular offense and to extend the hand of friendship which in turn helps the offender to repent. (my emphasis)

The Christian vocation is a calling to holiness but one of its essential requirements is that we show apostolic concern for the spiritual welfare of others: Christianity cannot be practice in an isolated, selfish way. Thus, "if anyone one among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins" (James 5:20).

Clearly, it is not possible to "extend the hand of friendship which in turn helps the offender to repent" if are waiting around for that person to repent first before we extend forgiveness.

Although Jimmy Akin mentions the Lord's prayer in his essay he does not seem to learn from it. Jesus clearly says that we are to forgive those who trespass against us and that we will be forgiven only as we forgive others. Nowhere does Jesus say in the Lord's prayer "forgive us our trespasses as we we forgive only those who repent of their trespasses against us."

Jimmy Akin's point about announcing that forgiveness, however, is a good point. In some circumstances it may be counterproductive or even dangerous to announce our forgiveness to the offender who has hurt us. But, we are still required to forgive that person.

Jimmy also says in his essay: 

They might even ask, "But wouldn’t it be more spiritual to forgive everyone? I sympathize with this argument, but there is a two-word rejoinder to it: God doesn’t?

Yet in another essay, Forgiving the Unrepentant, Akin writes:

As a side note, this is why the WWJD slogan ("What Would Jesus Do?") sometimes annoys me. There are things that Jesus did that cannot and should not be modeled by Christians because what he did is unique to his being God. (my emphasis) For example, it would be wrong to overturn tables and chase out the bingo players at your local parish on the premise that Jesus cleansed the temple of the moneychangers. In that case, trying to apply a WWJD template to the problem would give you exactly the wrong action to take in addressing the question of Wednesday-night bingo at Our Lady of the Gambling Den Parish Community.

The Sacramental forgiveness to which the Scripture refers to which God waits upon our repentance is not the same thing as the ordinary forgiveness between persons, of which we are all required to do at all times and regardless of whether the abuser repents.

So, okay, which is it? – are we to avoid forgiving people even though Scripture tells us we are to do so and Jesus says if we do not forgive we will not be forgiven, or are we to model the God's Sacramental economy, which He alone through His priests offers forgiveness only to those who repent? Jimmy, as you suggest in the above paragraph, there are actions unique to God and that we are not to model.

In short, to say that we do not have to forgive unless the person repents is patent nonsense and is not Christian teaching. I'm sorry, Jimmy, but you need to go back to theology school.

As just about any counselor will explain, if a client will not forgive those who have hurt him then neither spiritual or psychological health is possible. I have personally counseled with hundreds of people with forgiveness issues. I had one client who was in bondage to unforgiveness of an offender who died 25 years ago. It is not possible for that offender to repent because he is dead. But, my client still had to forgive that long dead offender in order to find freedom from the bondage of unforgiveness.

There is untold damage to millions of people who may read Jimmy Akin's essay located on Catholic Answers website and his own website. This is the reason why we have an obligation to announce to the world that Jimmy Akin must be inducted into our Hall of Shame. His teaching on this is simply not Christian, is contrary to Scripture, and is seriously damaging to the spiritual and psychological health of those who do not forgive. Studies have been done that show even physical aliment of those who do not forgive.

Bottomline: Ignore the erroneous teaching of Jimmy Akin and any others who teach this nonsense. We must forgive everyone at all times. Christ demands it – even if the person does not repent first.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary