Dear John:

I am sorry to hear that your son has fallen away from the Church. Unfortunately, in this day and age, this is a commion experience that millions of parents struggle with.

When faced with a child who has left the church only two approaches are possible. The first is conversation, if the child will converse about this. We can try as best as we can to convince our children for the need to return to the Church. In other words, we need to apply apologetics. This is done by learning why the Bible and the Church teaches that church is necessary.

A lot of people who think that the Church is not needed, and all they need is Jesus, themselves, and the Bible, are usually ignorant that the Bible itself teaches us not to forsake Christian assembly. Hebrews 10:25 states: "Not forsaking our assembly, as some are accustomed: but comforting one anther, and so much the more as you see the day approaching." 

God intends us to be a family. As a family we are not to isolate ourselves from each other. Rather, a family supports each other, helps each other, encourages each other, and advises each other. The Mass is a family gathering where we worship God together, receive sustenance from the Eucharist, instruction in how to live the Christ-life, and fellowship with each other. This is the intention of God when he invented the church. What God intends how can we avoid?

In addition, to be a lone wolf is a difficult road. When Jesus sent out his disciples into the world he sent them in twos. He wisely did this because he knew how difficult it would be for them. Sending the disciples out as partners gave each disciple a companion to help overcome sin and temptation, to encourage each other in struggles, and to provide fellowship that is needed to keep strong in the faith.

Even moreso, God knows how difficult it is for us to remain in his friendship, to remain in a state of grace which is required for salvation. While it is true that non-Catholic Christians can gain a state of grace outside of the Church, it is very difficult. Thus, God gave us the gift of the Church and her Sacraments. It is the Sacraments that give us the strength to remain in a state of grace and in God's friendship. God gave us this gift because he so much wants us to remain in his friendship and his Sacraments are the best and most assured way to accomplish that.

The second approach is prayer. In God's economy parents have a spiritual authority over their children even when those children are grown. Thus, the prayers of parents for their children have a greater effect over my prayers for your children.

Your question is about how prayers affect those we pray for. Our prayers help others to be ready to receive the grace of God. Our prayers never cause God to interfere with someone's free will. God never forces anyone to do anything.

What are prayers do in a mysterious way is to help chip away the stumblingblocks, walls, and impediments in a person's life so that they will be more ready and willing to receive the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. This is why we are to pray for others.

But, in the final analysis, regardless of the prayers we offer, regardless of the promptings of the Holy Spirit, one has the freedom to choose.

There are countless stories about how persistent and continual prayer has changed the lives of those to whom we pray. Perhaps the most famous case of this are the prayers of St. Monica. Her son had left the Church and was a living as a reprobate. She persevered in prayer, never stopping in hopes that her son would return to the Church. If I remember correctly it was about three months before her death that her son finally repented. Her son, of course, was St. Augustine, one of the greatest saints in the Church. I suggest developing a devotion to St. Monica and St. Augustine and ask for their help with your child.

We must persevere in prayer for our children. We may not see the fruition of our prayers in our lifetime. But the affects of our prayers continue beyond our earthly lives, not only in the fact that we can pray for our children when we are in heaven, but also that the affects of our earthly prayers extend beyond our earthly life. There are many stories of people who have repented only after the death of the person who prayed for them. Thus, the lesson is to pray always, persevere in prayer, even if you see no change. Your prayers may be realized only after your earthly life.

There can also be a spiritual warfare aspect to this for the devil rejoices when he sees someone leave the Church. I recommend, therefore, the following prayers:

Hedge Prayer for Return of Wayward Catholics
Prayer for our Children

We, too, will pray for your child.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary