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Question Title Posted By Question Date
Is My Marriage Valid? Tessie Monday, September 27, 2004

Question:

Dear Brother,

I was married briefly when I was younger, and my first marriage was annulled by Diocesan Marriage Tribunal. Some years later I met a gentleman I wished to marry who had been divorced for 8 yrs; his mentally ill wife had left him after 27 years. He is a devout Southern Baptist, but was willing to go through the annullment process if I wanted him to.

My pastor at the time said it was not right to expect him to do that because he wasn't Catholic and was not bound by the rules of my faith, so he wouldn't help me with that, but he would marry us in private at the rectory; however, he couldn't register the marriage.

That sounded odd to me, so I asked 2 more priests I knew; one said the pastor could do what he wanted. The other told me that was wrong, the pastor didn't have that power; it felt wrong to me, too.

I went ahead with the marriage. I had waited 20 years to remarry, and didn't feel I was doing anything shameful, so I didn't hide in the rectory. But in my willfullness, I was married by a Protestant minister.

I attended Mass every week, but never received the Sacraments because I knew I what I had done was wrong. The pastor told me to go ahead and recieve, that I could be married by him and come in through the "back door" but I didn't want to be deceitful, and that's how it felt.

After I had been married 3 or 4 years, the pastor died, and we got a new pastor. Then, my husband's ex-wife died. My pastor now said he could bless our marriage if it would make me feel better, but since I was married by a minister, the marriage was valid, now that my husband's first wife was deceased, and now I could go ahead and go to Confession and receive the Eucharist, which I did.

Is our marriage valid now in the eyes of the Church, or do I need to go and let the pastor remarry us?

My husband is, once again, willing to do whatever will make me comfortable. When you get many different answers from different priests, it is confusing. In retrospect, I would advise anyone who is thinking of doing something like this to think twice; the pain of going to Mass and not receiving Jesus was terrible.

Thank you.
Tessie



Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+


Dear Tessie:

I am so sorry that you were misdirected by these priest. It is a scandal upon the Church that priest like this are either stupid, culpably ignorant, or rebellious. There was absolutely NO excuse for these priest giving you all this misinformation.

Let me untangle the misconceptions and then I will get to your present situation.

1) it is true that a non-Catholic is not bound by Catholic marriage laws, but YOU are. The Marriage between any two baptized persons of ANY denomination is considered valid and Sacramental. Thus this Southern Baptist's marriage would be considered valid and Sacramental (assuming his wife was baptized) unless the Church declares otherwise.

Therefore, in order to marry him, even though he was not Catholic, it was REQUIRED that he petition the Catholic Church for an annulment.

2) the priest willing to marry you secretly would have been a grave sin on the part of the priest. That priest should have been horse-whipped. If I was his bishop I would have sent him into cloister in a monastery on a mountain in Turkey to be re-educated :)

3) The priest who said that the pastor could do whatever he wanted is an idiot.

4) the priest who said that pastor did not have the power to secretly marry you like that was CORRECT. Blue ribbon for him.

5) the priest who said your marriage was valid because you were married by a Protestant minister is seriously misinformed.

Now in terms of what you did do, regardless of any other issue, for you as a Catholic to get married outside the church invalidates your marriage.

I applaud you and thank God for you that you had the sense to feel that something was wrong in what all this danglings were telling you and this refrain from the Sacraments. The Holy Spirit taught you what those Priests should have known.

As for your current pastor, he is wrong about the validity issue. However, since your husband's first wife is dead there is no need for a petition of annulment and so you would be free to have your marriage regularized assuming no other impediments.

But, honestly, since your pastor does not seem to know what he is talking about concerning the validity issue, I would suggest that you call the Marriage Tribunal at the diocese offices and give them the details to double-check on whether your marriage is valid or not; regularized in the Church or not. This is too important to not be sure.

Boy, I have to shake my head at the profound and inexcusable ignorance (or brazen arrogance and rebellion) of some priests. All I can say as these priests ought to get on the knees and thank God that I will never be their bishop ;)

God bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary
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