Dear Phil:

Bondage is a "huge act of giving and sharing"? Give me a break. I am afraid your friend has a perverted idea of love. Love is a mutual self-giving, it is not forced. Bondage, by definition, is tying down a person in a perverted role-play and fantasy of being forced into sex. A person tied down cannot give of themselves. How can they since they are restrained? How can being restrained be a sharing. What nonsense. 

Perverted fantasies are indeed perverted and violate the dignity of the human person and destroys the mutual self-giving the the marital embrace is to be.

St. Paul teaches us that we not only to avoid actual evil, but the appearance of evil (1 Thess 5:22). Even though his wife is doing this voluntarily and is not actually forced, it is nevertheless a fantasy of forced sex. This is an "appearance" of evil at the very least. But, in reality, it is actual evil in itself. Jesus said that even if one does not commit adultery physically, adultery is still committed by the thought or fantasy of it. Here we have forced sex as a fantasy, and thus, according to the principles of Jesus, it is an evil nevertheless.

Bondage, domination, discipline, humiliation, sado-masochism, rape fantasies, adultery fantasies (such as the husband role-playing the pool guy, or the wife role-playing a flight attendant), practices concerning excrement, diaper fetishes and all other forms of psychsexual disorders all degrade the human person and outright violate mutual self-giving. Mutual self-giving in love is not possible with these practices. Such practices are encouraged by Satan who will do anything to pervert the holy act of the marital embrace that is a sublime image of the relationship between Christ, the Bridegroom, with his Bride, the Church.

If your friend thinks that bondage increases a bond with his wife, then his mind is enslaved to a perverted idea of love. He (or both of them) have a fetish, which is a psychosexual disorder, called a paraphilia, in which cognitive therapy has had great success in curing. He needs to renounce this practice and find freedom and healing from this paraphilia and find help.

Since the devil enjoys and relishes when he sees someone in bondage (no pun intended) to perverted sexual practices, this man needs to pray for freedom and healing in the spiritual warfare context. We have a catalog of Spiritual Warfare Prayers. There are prayers in the Catalog that you can pray for your friend.

We will certainly be in prayer for him as well, and for his poor wife who is a victim of this perversion, either because she submits to her husband's perversion, or because she shares the perversions.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary