Dear Brother,

This is a personal testimony in support of your wise advice to another woman about dating someone when you do not share the same faith.

I was raised Roman Catholic but stopped practicing during my college years. I met a nice man who was raised Protestant. He was not actively practicing his faith, either, but we seemed to share many of the same ethics and moral convictions.

We married despite my mother's strenuous objections to marrying someone of a different denomination. We went through not one, not two, but three different marriage preparation courses. I thought everything would work out just fine.

Fast forward to the birth of our first child. That eventually led to my return to the Church, but not my husband's. He does not attend Mass with us, or any religious service. This is a source of distress to our children, who want to know why Daddy doesn't come with us. And if Daddy doesn't have to go to church, why do they? My son wants to know whether church is "just for girls"?

The division is not limited to just Sunday mornings. Not only does my husband not take part in our children's religious formation (we now have three of them), he actively and openly disagrees with me in front of them about such issues such as homosexuality and contraception. This is a growing problem as our oldest approaches the teen years.

Our lack of a shared faith affects other areas of our life, as well. It influences what TV shows and movies my husband watches, what songs he listens to, and what books he reads. A lot of what passes for entertainment in popular culture today is violent, overtly occultic, and/or pornographic, yet he sees no problem with it. I don't want my children exposed to those influences, yet they come in to my house every day because we do not share the same beliefs.

A final issue that Brother touched upon is the role of the husband as head of the household. My husband does not see that as pertaining to him. He works long hours and holds down a good job, for which I am very thankful. But when it comes to such issues as establishing household rules, behavioral expectations, and disciplining the children, I am either on my own or at odds with him because he does not see the connection between these things and the children's spiritual welfare. It is exhausting to have to be constantly vigilant, even within my own home. And then there is the fine line I have to walk between explaining to the children why Daddy and I disagree, and doing it in a way that does not undermine his authority or their respect for him.

These issues would exist even if he were actively practicing another faith. Had I known how much heartache would come from our lack of a shared faith, I probably would not have married him. I do believe that God will eventually bring good out of the situation, and I pray for my husband's conversion. But I would not wish this situation anyone. Life is hard enough. Don't make it harder.

Sincerely,

Maria