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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Masturbation	Phil	Thursday, February 9, 2012
Question: Hello Brother, I am aware that there are many questions about masturbation that have been posed in this forum, but none seem to line up with my central struggle with this sin. For 4-5 years, I masturbated and looked at pornography habitually, and only in the past 3-4 years have I seriously tried to rid my life of all lust. I have found it to be the most discouraging and difficult battle I have ever faced, because no matter how strong my resolve, how much I try to pray regularly, how much I try to set aside sexual anxieties (e.g. premature ejaculation - I am not married, so there is no reason for me to be worried about this, yet I am), I always have a moment of weakness where I let my guard down and I end up masturbating in one way or another. Only after I sin is the veil pulled from my eyes and I realize where I've ended up and I'm left wondering how I ever ended up there. It's a weekly occurrence. My question is simply this: what am I doing wrong? Most often, these instances occur in the early morning or late at night when I'm alone. I am aware of a deep-rooted distortion in myself that I can't seem to rectify which removes the intrinsic wrong of masturbation - so in those moments when my guard is down, I'm left with this distorted core that is wrong about my sexuality and it's purpose, and I sin without much further thought. Where is the grace? Why has God not untwisted this distortion in me? Am I not pleading enough? Am I not praying enough? Call it human weakness if you wish, but I don't ask to be humanly weak - I ask to be made holy by grace, and that is all that I want. Why can I not rid myself of this bloody deep-rooted distorted perspective on my sexuality and it's purpose - this lust? Why does God not simply remove this struggle from me? I know the road to holiness is long and arduous, but I feel like I'm stuck at the bottom of the mountain - still fighting mortal sin when in my mind I should think I aught to be free from such basic struggles. There is nothing I hate more than the vice of lust, and nothing I want out of my life permanently more than lust. I only want love, I only want God's purpose for sexuality to own my mind, heart and body. Is that too much? "Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened." I won't give up, but it's getting increasingly frustrating, and I can't help but feel like I'm missing something vital to pierce this dragon's heart.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r) Dear Phil: You are not alone with these struggles. In fact, addiction to masturbation and pornography are pandemic in our culture. The reason for that is that our culture is deteriorating, which allows the devil to flourish and to encourage sexual sin. The devil likes to encourage people to sexual sin because it not only defiles our bodies, it is a slap in the face to God. The marital embrance is actually a holy act that is a sublime image of the relationship between Christ (the Bridegroom) with His Bride (the Church). All sex outside of the marriage bed is perverted and evil. God loves you, Phil, and does not want to see you in bondage to this sin. God cannot, however, force you not to sin. We have the choice, and we must accept the consequences of those choices. When our freedom to choose is impaired by addiction and compulsion Our Lord does not abandon us. There is a way out. In fact, God promises: (1 Cor 10:13) No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. God is saying here that your temptations are common to all people. He also says that He will not allow you to be tempted by something that you absolutely cannot resist. God then promises that He will provide you with a way out. Either these promises of God are true or God is a liar. God keeps His promises, but He will not forces you to accept the way out. For many people, like yourself, this struggle is so strong that you cannot do it alone. God understands that and has given us the Sacraments of Confession and the Eucharist to not only forgive us our sins, but to be healed and strengthen. This is not done overnight. One must persevere. In addition, God provides you with resources to help you through the struggle. I would advise that you join the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiciton Recovery. In this support group we have 20 Steps to a Pure Heart and Miind that will lead you to healing and freedom. We offer specific strategies on how ot avoid sin. For example, we teach the technique called "Passing Open Windows." This technique teaches that most tempations last only for a few minutes, thus the window of opportunity is generally short. To avoid falling into the temptation, one can distract himself with some other activity, such as mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, doing the dishes, vacuuming the carpet, whatever, by the time this chore is finished the temptation will most likely be gone. Each time you have the temptation and resist it, you become stronger. We will be praying for you and invite you to join the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiciton Recovery. It is possible to overcome the compulsion to lust. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Masturbation

Phil

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Question:

Hello Brother,

I am aware that there are many questions about masturbation that have been posed in this forum, but none seem to line up with my central struggle with this sin.

For 4-5 years, I masturbated and looked at pornography habitually, and only in the past 3-4 years have I seriously tried to rid my life of all lust. I have found it to be the most discouraging and difficult battle I have ever faced, because no matter how strong my resolve, how much I try to pray regularly, how much I try to set aside sexual anxieties (e.g. premature ejaculation - I am not married, so there is no reason for me to be worried about this, yet I am), I always have a moment of weakness where I let my guard down and I end up masturbating in one way or another. Only after I sin is the veil pulled from my eyes and I realize where I've ended up and I'm left wondering how I ever ended up there. It's a weekly occurrence.

My question is simply this: what am I doing wrong? Most often, these instances occur in the early morning or late at night when I'm alone. I am aware of a deep-rooted distortion in myself that I can't seem to rectify which removes the intrinsic wrong of masturbation - so in those moments when my guard is down, I'm left with this distorted core that is wrong about my sexuality and it's purpose, and I sin without much further thought.

Where is the grace? Why has God not untwisted this distortion in me? Am I not pleading enough? Am I not praying enough? Call it human weakness if you wish, but I don't ask to be humanly weak - I ask to be made holy by grace, and that is all that I want. Why can I not rid myself of this bloody deep-rooted distorted perspective on my sexuality and it's purpose - this lust? Why does God not simply remove this struggle from me?

I know the road to holiness is long and arduous, but I feel like I'm stuck at the bottom of the mountain - still fighting mortal sin when in my mind I should think I aught to be free from such basic struggles. There is nothing I hate more than the vice of lust, and nothing I want out of my life permanently more than lust. I only want love, I only want God's purpose for sexuality to own my mind, heart and body. Is that too much? "Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened."

I won't give up, but it's getting increasingly frustrating, and I can't help but feel like I'm missing something vital to pierce this dragon's heart.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r)

Dear Phil:

You are not alone with these struggles. In fact, addiction to masturbation and pornography are pandemic in our culture. The reason for that is that our culture is deteriorating, which allows the devil to flourish and to encourage sexual sin. The devil likes to encourage people to sexual sin because it not only defiles our bodies, it is a slap in the face to God. The marital embrance is actually a holy act that is a sublime image of the relationship between Christ (the Bridegroom) with His Bride (the Church). All sex outside of the marriage bed is perverted and evil.

God loves you, Phil, and does not want to see you in bondage to this sin. God cannot, however, force you not to sin. We have the choice, and we must accept the consequences of those choices.

When our freedom to choose is impaired by addiction and compulsion Our Lord does not abandon us. There is a way out. In fact, God promises:

(1 Cor 10:13) No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

God is saying here that your temptations are common to all people. He also says that He will not allow you to be tempted by something that you absolutely cannot resist. God then promises that He will provide you with a way out.

Either these promises of God are true or God is a liar. God keeps His promises, but He will not forces you to accept the way out.

For many people, like yourself, this struggle is so strong that you cannot do it alone. God understands that and has given us the Sacraments of Confession and the Eucharist to not only forgive us our sins, but to be healed and strengthen. This is not done overnight. One must persevere.

In addition, God provides you with resources to help you through the struggle. I would advise that you join the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiciton Recovery. In this support group we have 20 Steps to a Pure Heart and Miind that will lead you to healing and freedom.

We offer specific strategies on how ot avoid sin. For example, we teach the technique called "Passing Open Windows." This technique teaches that most tempations last only for a few minutes, thus the window of opportunity is generally short. To avoid falling into the temptation, one can distract himself with some other activity, such as mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, doing the dishes, vacuuming the carpet, whatever, by the time this chore is finished the temptation will most likely be gone.

Each time you have the temptation and resist it, you become stronger.

We will be praying for you and invite you to join the Catholic Support Group for Sexual Addiciton Recovery.

It is possible to overcome the compulsion to lust.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum