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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Be Fruitful and Multiply	David	Sunday, January 22, 2012
Question: Dear Brother - Can you guide me into properly understanding God's word as it relates to "Be Fruitful and Multiply"? The reason I ask is that because in some of the previous responses to a similar or related question, I feel that more is left unsaid than said (this could be due to lack of poor understanding on my part). I know that each and every marital embrace is supposed to be open to the possibility of life. And I also know that the Church advises use of NFP as the only moral way to regulate or space out birth of children. 1. Does this mean that a couple is supposed to take care of an increasing number of children (without regard to their ability to support the children financial or emotionally handle the stress of raising children)? 2. How is the couple to decide whether they are being prudent (in not having any more children for whatever reasons - financial, weak emotional constitution to deal with more kids etc.) or not having enough faith that God will see them through (whatever the circumstances)? 3. And given that using NFP with a contraceptive mindset is a sin, can the couple refrain from marital intercourse for the sake of not having any more children? Would it be a sin to refrain from marital intercourse altogether if the couple decides they can't honestly support more than say 4 kids? 4. In your counsel, what would be the state of such couples (if they exist at all) that refrain from marital intercourse altogether after a certain number of kids are born? Are such couples likely to grow emotionally apart? Are they putting themselves in real danger if they chose this way of life? David
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), L.Th., D.D. Dear David: You are correct in your understand that each and every act of the marital embrace must be open to life. You are also correct the NFP cannot be used with a contraceptive mentality, but must be for legitimate and serious motivations. As to your questions: 1) If God blesses you with many children He will also give you the grace to handle it. Jesus said: (Matt 6:25-26) "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? God is not a liar, he keeps his promises. He will give you the grace to emotionally handle many children. God promises that and he is not a liar. However, you must accept that grace as God will not force it upon you. He will also take care of you and your large family in terms of the physical and financial aspect. Now God will do this but he'll do it according to his will, not yours. To follow God's will may mean a lot of sacrifices. For example, instead of buying a new car one might need to buy a ten year-old car. Instead of having a $250,000 house in a nice neighborhood one may need to downscale what kind of house they live in and what kind of neighborhood they live in. Such a family may need to sacrifice on what type of food they eat. Instead of expensive steaks such a family may need to focus more on hamburger. You get the point. One may need to reevaluate one's lifestyle in order to accommodate the will of God. Although it may be irritating, God does not give you this grace in advance. So as you sit here and think about this, about having ten kids or fifteen or twenty, it is natural to think, "how can I possibly handle"? God will not give you the grace in advance, but he will give you the grace at the moment that you need it. 2) In Natural Family Planning, one must have a proper motivation to use it. The Catechism states: 2367 Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God. "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility." 2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality: When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts, criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart. To help discern this issue for you and your wife, speaking with a spiritual director, confessor, a priest is a wise course. I also recommend the website of Couple-to-Couple League. They may also help in deciding this very important decision. 3 & 4) St. Paul says that a married couple is not to refrain from the marital embrace, except for short periods for prayer. To abstain from the marital embrace pemenantly to avoid more children is using abstinance as a contraception. Marriage is order for the purpose of children. The martial embrace is ordered to having children and for the bonding between husband and wife. If you were to abstain permanently you will be damaging your marriage, as the bonding purpose of sex will be absent for improper reasons. NFP the method to use if you believe, in consultation with your spiritual director or confessor, that more children cannot be afforded and thus NFP is justified. NFP fulfills the order of marriage and the marital embrace. To do anything else is a distrust of God. In using NFP the marital embrace is still open to life. If God gives you another baby anyway then you should rejoice. Babies are not burdens but blessings. The attitude of the world is that babes are inconveniences. Obama said that if his daughter become pregnant as a teen, "Why should she be punished by having a baby." What an evil man. Trust in God and you and your wife and family will be blessed. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Be Fruitful and Multiply

David

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Question:

Dear Brother - Can you guide me into properly understanding God's word as it relates to "Be Fruitful and Multiply"? The reason I ask is that because in some of the previous responses to a similar or related question, I feel that more is left unsaid than said (this could be due to lack of poor understanding on my part). I know that each and every marital embrace is supposed to be open to the possibility of life. And I also know that the Church advises use of NFP as the only moral way to regulate or space out birth of children.

1. Does this mean that a couple is supposed to take care of an increasing number of children (without regard to their ability to support the children financial or emotionally handle the stress of raising children)?

2. How is the couple to decide whether they are being prudent (in not having any more children for whatever reasons - financial, weak emotional constitution to deal with more kids etc.) or not having enough faith that God will see them through (whatever the circumstances)?

3. And given that using NFP with a contraceptive mindset is a sin, can the couple refrain from marital intercourse for the sake of not having any more children? Would it be a sin to refrain from marital intercourse altogether if the couple decides they can't honestly support more than say 4 kids?

4. In your counsel, what would be the state of such couples (if they exist at all) that refrain from marital intercourse altogether after a certain number of kids are born? Are such couples likely to grow emotionally apart? Are they putting themselves in real danger if they chose this way of life?

David

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r), L.Th., D.D.

Dear David:

You are correct in your understand that each and every act of the marital embrace must be open to life. You are also correct the NFP cannot be used with a contraceptive mentality, but must be for legitimate and serious motivations.

As to your questions:

1) If God blesses you with many children He will also give you the grace to handle it. Jesus said:

(Matt 6:25-26) "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

God is not a liar, he keeps his promises. He will give you the grace to emotionally handle many children. God promises that and he is not a liar. However, you must accept that grace as God will not force it upon you. He will also take care of you and your large family in terms of the physical and financial aspect. Now God will do this but he'll do it according to his will, not yours.

To follow God's will may mean a lot of sacrifices. For example, instead of buying a new car one might need to buy a ten year-old car. Instead of having a $250,000 house in a nice neighborhood one may need to downscale what kind of house they live in and what kind of neighborhood they live in. Such a family may need to sacrifice on what type of food they eat. Instead of expensive steaks such a family may need to focus more on hamburger. You get the point. One may need to reevaluate one's lifestyle in order to accommodate the will of God.

Although it may be irritating, God does not give you this grace in advance. So as you sit here and think about this, about having ten kids or fifteen or twenty, it is natural to think, "how can I possibly handle"? God will not give you the grace in advance, but he will give you the grace at the moment that you need it.

2) In Natural Family Planning, one must have a proper motivation to use it. The Catechism states:

2367 Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God. "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility."

2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality:

When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts, criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart.

To help discern this issue for you and your wife, speaking with a spiritual director, confessor, a priest is a wise course. I also recommend the website of Couple-to-Couple League. They may also help in deciding this very important decision.

3 & 4) St. Paul says that a married couple is not to refrain from the marital embrace, except for short periods for prayer. To abstain from the marital embrace pemenantly to avoid more children is using abstinance as a contraception.

Marriage is order for the purpose of children. The martial embrace is ordered to having children and for the bonding between husband and wife. If you were to abstain permanently you will be damaging your marriage, as the bonding purpose of sex will be absent for improper reasons.

NFP the method to use if you believe, in consultation with your spiritual director or confessor, that more children cannot be afforded and thus NFP is justified.

NFP fulfills the order of marriage and the marital embrace. To do anything else is a distrust of God.

In using NFP the marital embrace is still open to life. If God gives you another baby anyway then you should rejoice. Babies are not burdens but blessings.

The attitude of the world is that babes are inconveniences. Obama said that if his daughter become pregnant as a teen, "Why should she be punished by having a baby." What an evil man.

Trust in God and you and your wife and family will be blessed.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum