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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Trapped in Non-Sacramental Marriage but in love with another Catholic	Joan	Friday, September 24, 2004
Question: 2 years ago I married an unbaptized man who claimed he wanted to become Catholic. During marriage prep with our priest, he said he wanted to provide a Catholic home for our family and educate them in Catholic Schools. After we married, he stopped going to Mass with me and kept delaying RCIA. He finally admitted he didn't want to go. Meanwhile, I discovered he has serious mental problems (OCD Gambling Addiction, etc.) 3 months into the marriage I was diagnosed with severe depression and was no longer able to work. Frustrated that I could no longer contribute monetarily, he decided to see my therapist to get some answers. He decided to do couples therapy hoping that it would fix my problems and lead to a sexual relationship. It didn't. Instead, he confessed that he never wanted to become Catholic, only prayed with me on our first date to get me to like him, lied to my family and priest about his plans to become Catholic, and, even worse, said he doesn't believe in God and refuses to let our children be raised Catholic. My whole world shook. I could not believe I was married to someone who casually explained, "I just said whatever I felt was necessary to marry you after we dated for 5 yrs." My health continued to deteriorate so much that a previous seizure disorder resurfaced. My doctors explained that his mental conditions and consequent behavior act as triggers for my seizure disorder. All have advised that the only way I'm going to get healthy is to not be around him. I never believed in divorce so I just prayed to no avail. Lately I've started to have feelings for a dear, Catholic friend. I think he feels it too. I love being with him, studying the Bible and sharing our faith. He was the type of man I thought I was going to marry. How can I get out of this nightmare and, without sin, be with this new man? It is torturing me that I am sinning just thinking how much I want to kiss him. Is this adultery? In Christ, Joan
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+ Dear Joan: It sounds to me from your description that your husband may have defrauded you. This would make the marriage invalid in the Church. Under these circumstances the best thing that could happen, since your husband is unbaptized, is for him to leave the marriage on his initiative. There is a special provision in Church law concerning an unbaptized spouse leaving. In any event, I would advise you to contact the Marriage Tribunal of your diocese, located at the diocese offices, and explain your situation. They can advise you on what needs to be done canonically. To be considered single in the eyes of God and the Church, which then will allow you to pursue another relationship and potential marriage, you will need both a civil divorce and a determination from the Marriage Tribunal that either declares this marriage to be Null, or otherwise affirms that a valid marriage never existed. Though, be SURE you marry the right person next time; do not allow emotion to cloud your good judgment as a Catholic. In the meantime, you need to avoid committing adultery in your heart or body until a divorce is secured and your are free under canon law to pursue another relationship. The first step is to call the Marriage Tribunal and get their advice and take on all this. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Trapped in Non-Sacramental Marriage but in love with another Catholic

Joan

Friday, September 24, 2004

Question:

2 years ago I married an unbaptized man who claimed he wanted to become Catholic. During marriage prep with our priest, he said he wanted to provide a Catholic home for our family and educate them in Catholic Schools.

After we married, he stopped going to Mass with me and kept delaying RCIA. He finally admitted he didn't want to go. Meanwhile, I discovered he has serious mental problems (OCD Gambling Addiction, etc.)

3 months into the marriage I was diagnosed with severe depression and was no longer able to work. Frustrated that I could no longer contribute monetarily, he decided to see my therapist to get some answers.

He decided to do couples therapy hoping that it would fix my problems and lead to a sexual relationship. It didn't. Instead, he confessed that he never wanted to become Catholic, only prayed with me on our first date to get me to like him, lied to my family and priest about his plans to become Catholic, and, even worse, said he doesn't believe in God and refuses to let our children be raised Catholic.

My whole world shook. I could not believe I was married to someone who casually explained, "I just said whatever I felt was necessary to marry you after we dated for 5 yrs." My health continued to deteriorate so much that a previous seizure disorder resurfaced. My doctors explained that his mental conditions and consequent behavior act as triggers for my seizure disorder. All have advised that the only way I'm going to get healthy is to not be around him.

I never believed in divorce so I just prayed to no avail. Lately I've started to have feelings for a dear, Catholic friend. I think he feels it too. I love being with him, studying the Bible and sharing our faith. He was the type of man I thought I was going to marry.

How can I get out of this nightmare and, without sin, be with this new man? It is torturing me that I am sinning just thinking how much I want to kiss him. Is this adultery?

In Christ,
Joan

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+

Dear Joan:

It sounds to me from your description that your husband may have defrauded you. This would make the marriage invalid in the Church.

Under these circumstances the best thing that could happen, since your husband is unbaptized, is for him to leave the marriage on his initiative. There is a special provision in Church law concerning an unbaptized spouse leaving.

In any event, I would advise you to contact the Marriage Tribunal of your diocese, located at the diocese offices, and explain your situation. They can advise you on what needs to be done canonically.

To be considered single in the eyes of God and the Church, which then will allow you to pursue another relationship and potential marriage, you will need both a civil divorce and a determination from the Marriage Tribunal that either declares this marriage to be Null, or otherwise affirms that a valid marriage never existed.

Though, be SURE you marry the right person next time; do not allow emotion to cloud your good judgment as a Catholic.

In the meantime, you need to avoid committing adultery in your heart or body until a divorce is secured and your are free under canon law to pursue another relationship.

The first step is to call the Marriage Tribunal and get their advice and take on all this.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum