Hello again Brother. As you know, I've been discerning the priesthood for a while now. As the discernment process matures more, I have realized that I am now never uncertain even in the slightest bit about priesthood itself, but that I am torn between whether I am called to be a religious or diocesan priest.

I have been studying the lives of people like St. Padre Pio, who along with St. John Vianney I find extremely inspirational as great examples of priests, and the nature of religious orders in general, and have been asking myself questions involving whether the diocesan priesthood is my destiny or not.

In short, I have started developing a kind of reverence and love for the evangelical counsels. And some part of me sometimes says that perhaps diocesan service might not be enough in my walk with Christ.

Everyday I feel increasingly compelled to eventually give up all ties to the secular world, including possessions and the like. But I also feel called to reach out to the secular world, to be "out on the street" so to speak, so I can reach out to those who have lost their faith, never knew faith, or are living a half-way Catholicism of sorts (usually because of bad catechesis or evangelism).

I would also like to add that my spiritual life has taken a kind of leap. Classically, I've been a relatively prideful person (manifested also sometimes in over-humility, which is actually not humility but a kind of pride) but ever since a newfound relationship with Christ, the Blessed Mother through the rosary (some days I prayed the four mysteries in succession as a sort of "Gospel rosary session," the best prayer experience of my life), the blessed sacrament, and the mass, life is completely different. I feel extremely spiritual in the sense that every moment becomes spiritual warfare to me, much influenced by the information shared by Marino Restrepo. I am trying to make sense out of all of these recent leanings.

Sometimes I have very detailed and intense inner experiences of heaven, or at least what heaven would be like. This also started only once I made a major shift in my spiritual life. And in those experiences I saw no struggle, anxiety, disobedience, or anything. Just widespread holy obedience, the love of God and His Son, and the communion of saints, and a perfect New Earth.

There was one day where I broke down deep inside because I had a sudden feeling of a realization of heaven, followed by a deep and somber sadness for those who might not perhaps make it there because of hatred or blasphemy, etc.

Do all these feelings tie into one another? Sorry if this question was long, but being experienced in spiritual warfare and religious life as you are, I am certain you have things to say.