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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
How to Help my daughter	LisaRa	Saturday, September 3, 2011
Question: My daughter is 18 yrs old. She has behavioral, spiritual, and emotional problems for most of her teen years. She has never had a close friends, is DETACHED from me emotionally and is addicted to computer. Everytime I go into her room, she bristles. Everytime I express my concerns, she gets defensive. The thing is now she insists she is gay, even though she has never had a friendship of that kind, because she says being gay is "a state of mind" and that it is WHO she is. I tell her she isn't sinning in feeling the feelings and thinking she is, but that acting on the feelings is the sin. Someday she says she plans to meet a girl and make a commitment, even if it is a sin to act on it. She Says she doesn't care if it is a sin. I am taking her to RCIA, and she accepts going because "she is under my roof", but she is not into it. She says she is agnostic. When we go to mass, she looks very very angry. She cries and demands to leave at the consecration of the Host. I am beside myself with not knowing what to do for her. I am in so much distress right now. We have so many other problems, and the financial stress is mounting daily. I have to help my mom who is in her 80's and my mentally ill brother clean their home as well as mine, and then worry how we will eat this evening. With what money. My mom frequently gives us money for my help to her, bless her heart, and my husband struggles with his clients who will not pay in a timely way. He works for the county where we live as a lawyer, but they have not relenquished his check for three months. I am just adding all of this so that you will know that the extra burden of helping my daughter almost feels as if it will break me. I am crying right now, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, Brother, short of killing myself, but I can't do that because I have two other daughters. One is very young---she is five. I could never leave my husband with all of this anyway, so God forgive me. I have these thoughts everyday. I took a chance writing you. I tried logging into Chew the Rag Cafe, but I have login problems, so sorry. God Bless you, Brother Ignatius Mary.
Question Answered by Dear LisaRa: I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. But the first thing we must deal with is your thoughts of suicide. This is a very serious thing. Under no circumstances should you overlook these feelings or think that you would never go through with it. You need to immediately contact your doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor to talk about this. You need to work through those feelings. If on any given day these thoughts of suicide are strong then you need to contact a crisis center. If there is no local crisis center, then you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It is critically important that you seek help concerning the suicidal thoughts. My advice on this is not merely offhand. I have been trained in suicide crisis prevention and have worked on a crisis hotline. I also used to be on the Board of Directors of Ray of Hope, the first organization in the country to help survivors of those who have died from suicide. It is very difficult for a parent to watch their child drift away and even deteriorate. I know this from personal experience with my own children. My oldest daughter for a while was involved in Wicca and all my daughters have been involved in promiscuity. Only one of my daughters is going to a church and unfortunately that church is a hard-core fundamentalist congregation. What may be even harder for a parent to do than to watch her children go astray is to let go. Your daughter is now 18. She can make her own decisions and will make her own decisions. You have to learn to let go and give her to God's protection. It is a combination of the sadness of seeing your daughter go astray and become distant to you and the feeling of hopelessness as your control and influence over her diminishes that leads to feelings of suicide and desperation. You must let go. If you let go and let God you can then focus on prayer. Never underestimate the power of prayer. While God will not force anybody to come to their senses our prayers can help to set the conditions to which our loved ones will return home to us and to God. We have prayers in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog linked below that are powerful and effective in praying for your daughter. Now keep in mind these prayers are not guarantees since God will not intrude upon her free will. But these prayers may help to the effect of miracle. I specifically suggest the following prayers: Prayer for our Children, Hedge Prayer for Return of Wayward Catholics, Hedge Prayer for Return of those who are Wayward from Us, Hedge Prayer for Protection of Others, and Rebuking Particular Spirits. The Rebuking Particular Spirits prayer can be said on behalf of your daughter for any spirits that may be hanging around her. But it is also for yourself. For example, I would advise you to rebuke the spirit of suicide, and ask instead for the Spirit of life to take is place. If you let go and give your daughter to God, and if you diligently pray these prayers, perhaps for the rest of your life on behalf of your daughter, chances are she will come to her senses and renew her relationship with you, with God, and his Church. By the way, it is often the case that when the child reaches around 40 years of age, they begin to reconcile with parents and with God. Trust in God. We will be in prayer for you and your daughter. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

How to Help my daughter

LisaRa

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Question:

My daughter is 18 yrs old. She has behavioral, spiritual, and emotional problems for most of her teen years. She has never had a close friends, is DETACHED from me emotionally and is addicted to computer. Everytime I go into her room, she bristles. Everytime I express my concerns, she gets defensive. The thing is now she insists she is gay, even though she has never had a friendship of that kind, because she says being gay is "a state of mind" and that it is WHO she is. I tell her she isn't sinning in feeling the feelings and thinking she is, but that acting on the feelings is the sin. Someday she says she plans to meet a girl and make a commitment, even if it is a sin to act on it. She Says she doesn't care if it is a sin.

I am taking her to RCIA, and she accepts going because "she is under my roof", but she is not into it. She says she is agnostic. When we go to mass, she looks very very angry. She cries and demands to leave at the consecration of the Host. I am beside myself with not knowing what to do for her.

I am in so much distress right now. We have so many other problems, and the financial stress is mounting daily. I have to help my mom who is in her 80's and my mentally ill brother clean their home as well as mine, and then worry how we will eat this evening. With what money. My mom frequently gives us money for my help to her, bless her heart, and my husband struggles with his clients who will not pay in a timely way. He works for the county where we live as a lawyer, but they have not relenquished his check for three months. I am just adding all of this so that you will know that the extra burden of helping my daughter almost feels as if it will break me. I am crying right now, I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do, Brother, short of killing myself, but I can't do that because I have two other daughters. One is very young---she is five. I could never leave my husband with all of this anyway, so God forgive me. I have these thoughts everyday.

I took a chance writing you. I tried logging into Chew the Rag Cafe, but I have login problems, so sorry. God Bless you, Brother Ignatius Mary.

Question Answered by

Dear LisaRa:

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. But the first thing we must deal with is your thoughts of suicide. This is a very serious thing. Under no circumstances should you overlook these feelings or think that you would never go through with it. You need to immediately contact your doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor to talk about this. You need to work through those feelings. If on any given day these thoughts of suicide are strong then you need to contact a crisis center. If there is no local crisis center, then you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

It is critically important that you seek help concerning the suicidal thoughts. My advice on this is not merely offhand. I have been trained in suicide crisis prevention and have worked on a crisis hotline. I also used to be on the Board of Directors of Ray of Hope, the first organization in the country to help survivors of those who have died from suicide.

It is very difficult for a parent to watch their child drift away and even deteriorate. I know this from personal experience with my own children. My oldest daughter for a while was involved in Wicca and all my daughters have been involved in promiscuity. Only one of my daughters is going to a church and unfortunately that church is a hard-core fundamentalist congregation.

What may be even harder for a parent to do than to watch her children go astray is to let go. Your daughter is now 18. She can make her own decisions and will make her own decisions. You have to learn to let go and give her to God's protection. It is a combination of the sadness of seeing your daughter go astray and become distant to you and the feeling of hopelessness as your control and influence over her diminishes that leads to feelings of suicide and desperation. You must let go.

If you let go and let God you can then focus on prayer. Never underestimate the power of prayer. While God will not force anybody to come to their senses our prayers can help to set the conditions to which our loved ones will return home to us and to God.

We have prayers in our Spiritual Warfare Catalog linked below that are powerful and effective in praying for your daughter. Now keep in mind these prayers are not guarantees since God will not intrude upon her free will. But these prayers may help to the effect of miracle.

I specifically suggest the following prayers: Prayer for our Children, Hedge Prayer for Return of Wayward Catholics, Hedge Prayer for Return of those who are Wayward from Us, Hedge Prayer for Protection of Others, and Rebuking Particular Spirits.

The Rebuking Particular Spirits prayer can be said on behalf of your daughter for any spirits that may be hanging around her. But it is also for yourself. For example, I would advise you to rebuke the spirit of suicide, and ask instead for the Spirit of life to take is place.

If you let go and give your daughter to God, and if you diligently pray these prayers, perhaps for the rest of your life on behalf of your daughter, chances are she will come to her senses and renew her relationship with you, with God, and his Church.

By the way, it is often the case that when the child reaches around 40 years of age, they begin to reconcile with parents and with God.

Trust in God.

We will be in prayer for you and your daughter.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum