Dear Suzanne:

You are incorrect to say that man is "over" a woman. That implies something that is not true. Rather, the man is to be a "spiritual leader" in the home. He is the "priest" of the home and is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church -- a mighty obligation. This does not imply that the man is automatically the leader over anything else.

The wife may be best at fixing the car, keeping the checkbook and making budgets, doing household plumbing. If she knows more about those things than her husband, then the husband should defer to her judgment in those areas.

The husband may be better an interior decorating, cleaning house, and cooking. If he is better at these things than his wife, then the wife should defer to his judgment in those areas.

To be the spiritual leader of the home in no way implies that the husband is a dictator or overlord who can treat his wife like a child and micro-manage her life. She can choose whatever career she wants and have whomever she chooses for friends and go out with them. But...

...as a married couple neither the husband or wife are to do these things in selfishness, to the point of neglecting the spouse or children, to the point that the marriage is harmed or potentially harmed, or in inconsideration of each other.

This means that a career needs to be discussed between spouses (husband's career or the wife's). If the husband is going out with the boys, or the wife going out with the girls, that needs to be coordinated with the spouse. This is called courtesy and consideration.

If friends get in the way of the marital relationship then the spouse has a right to be concerned and to discuss it. It is prudent, for example, not only for the marriage, but for one's own soul, to be very circumspect around the opposite sex. It is generally not prudent to have opposite-sex friends who are not also a friends of the spouse.

The woman is not underneath the man. She stands beside him, under his protection. The old little poem is correct:

Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary