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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Traumatized	Dora	Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Question: Dear Brother, I am turning to you for advice and hoping for an understanding reply. I had a Baptism that instead of being the best night of my life was a night of horror, and bitter tears shed all evening. The priest was cruel and abusive, more of a cult-leader, and I am traumatized by the memory. I very, very strongly believe in the Lord's teaching in Deuteronomy that men must wear men's attire, and women must wear women's attire. I NEVER disobey that teaching. I was forced to wear men's attire that evening. I tried to explain that to wear what he told me to would go against my religious beliefs, and I had my own things to wear, but he refused to allow me to wear them, and snapped that there was no time for explanations - after asking me to arrive an hour early, then ignoring me for the whole time. In the changing room, a girl screamed at me to change, and would not hear me out. I was forced and bullied, and I must have been of temporarily unsound mind to allow them to bully me into something I feel so strongly about. How I cried. The Church believes in giving everyone their dignity, but I was disgraced in the House of the Lord. I have spoken to four priests since then, and all have been brilliant - sympathetic, horrified, telling me what I took to wear would have been perfect, amazed, and the rest. They have assured me they are there for me, and say that if I want to make a case of it, I may. Financial compensation and even an apology will not help. My faith in the priesthood, however, is restored through those who have been there for me. I am now doing proper RCIA classes, not the cult-like classes of the other priest. I feel betrayed, and do not feel at all baptized. When my course wraps up, I wish to receive Conditional Baptism. Would it be possible? There is no other way I can have peace of mind and move on from what happened. My mother feels I should leave the Church, but belief in the Eucharist keeps me where I am. I was not even given a certificate. I am battling to survive from hour to hour, it was all that terrible. Pax Christi, Dora
Question Answered by Dear Dora: I am sorry you had such a horrible experience. What you have experienced is very rare. I presume that at the parish the method of baptism was immersion, since there is no need for a change of clothes with pouring. The prime concern in baptism by immersion for women is dignity and modesty. As long as that is satisfied there is no special clothing to wear. There is certainly no need to wear "mens" clothing. This priest is off his rocker. Frankly, this priest ought to be reported to the bishop. As for your Baptism, you can only be validly baptized once. A Conditional Baptism is done when there is doubt about the validity of a previous baptism. You were validly baptized, thus there is not need for a conditional baptism. The meanness of the priest does not invalidate the baptism. As long as the priest does what the Church intends in Baptism, to baptize with water that touches the skin, and to baptize with the Trinitarian formula, the baptism is valid. Keep your eyes on Jesus, not the priest or your feelings. The only thing that matters is that the baptism is valid in fact. This is not about feelings, this is about an ontological reality. You are baptized now. The Holy Spirit is in you now. Rejoice in that, and do not focus on this crazy priest. Keep your eyes on Jesus. You do need to forgive that priest. Jesus said that if we do not forgive others, we will not be forgiven. Forgiveness does not mean to have to like this priest, or ever go to him again for the Sacraments. Forgiveness means letting to of the anger and resentment and getting on with your life. To hold on to this is a form of pride. Let go. Your mother is dead wrong. Why leave the Church because of one bad egg? That is silly and immature. There are 4500 priests in the United States. This one priest does not represent all 4500. If we have one bad apple in the family, do we abandon our entire family? You are correct to remain in the Church. A full Sacramental life awaits you. Do not let this priest spoil it for you. Let it go and begin to enjoy the wonderful love of Christ in the Church and in the Eucharist. Welcome to the Church. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary . Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Traumatized

Dora

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Question:

Dear Brother,

I am turning to you for advice and hoping for an understanding reply. I had a Baptism that instead of being the best night of my life was a night of horror, and bitter tears shed all evening. The priest was cruel and abusive, more of a cult-leader, and I am traumatized by the memory.

I very, very strongly believe in the Lord's teaching in Deuteronomy that men must wear men's attire, and women must wear women's attire. I NEVER disobey that teaching. I was forced to wear men's attire that evening. I tried to explain that to wear what he told me to would go against my religious beliefs, and I had my own things to wear, but he refused to allow me to wear them, and snapped that there was no time for explanations - after asking me to arrive an hour early, then ignoring me for the whole time. In the changing room, a girl screamed at me to change, and would not hear me out. I was forced and bullied, and I must have been of temporarily unsound mind to allow them to bully me into something I feel so strongly about.

How I cried. The Church believes in giving everyone their dignity, but I was disgraced in the House of the Lord. I have spoken to four priests since then, and all have been brilliant - sympathetic, horrified, telling me what I took to wear would have been perfect, amazed, and the rest. They have assured me they are there for me, and say that if I want to make a case of it, I may. Financial compensation and even an apology will not help. My faith in the priesthood, however, is restored through those who have been there for me.

I am now doing proper RCIA classes, not the cult-like classes of the other priest. I feel betrayed, and do not feel at all baptized. When my course wraps up, I wish to receive Conditional Baptism. Would it be possible? There is no other way I can have peace of mind and move on from what happened.

My mother feels I should leave the Church, but belief in the Eucharist keeps me where I am. I was not even given a certificate. I am battling to survive from hour to hour, it was all that terrible.

Pax Christi,
Dora

Question Answered by

Dear Dora:

I am sorry you had such a horrible experience. What you have experienced is very rare.

I presume that at the parish the method of baptism was immersion, since there is no need for a change of clothes with pouring.

The prime concern in baptism by immersion for women is dignity and modesty. As long as that is satisfied there is no special clothing to wear. There is certainly no need to wear "mens" clothing. This priest is off his rocker.

Frankly, this priest ought to be reported to the bishop.

As for your Baptism, you can only be validly baptized once. A Conditional Baptism is done when there is doubt about the validity of a previous baptism. You were validly baptized, thus there is not need for a conditional baptism.

The meanness of the priest does not invalidate the baptism. As long as the priest does what the Church intends in Baptism, to baptize with water that touches the skin, and to baptize with the Trinitarian formula, the baptism is valid.

Keep your eyes on Jesus, not the priest or your feelings. The only thing that matters is that the baptism is valid in fact. This is not about feelings, this is about an ontological reality.

You are baptized now. The Holy Spirit is in you now. Rejoice in that, and do not focus on this crazy priest. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

You do need to forgive that priest. Jesus said that if we do not forgive others, we will not be forgiven. Forgiveness does not mean to have to like this priest, or ever go to him again for the Sacraments. Forgiveness means letting to of the anger and resentment and getting on with your life. To hold on to this is a form of pride. Let go.

Your mother is dead wrong. Why leave the Church because of one bad egg? That is silly and immature. There are 4500 priests in the United States. This one priest does not represent all 4500. If we have one bad apple in the family, do we abandon our entire family? You are correct to remain in the Church.

A full Sacramental life awaits you. Do not let this priest spoil it for you. Let it go and begin to enjoy the wonderful love of Christ in the Church and in the Eucharist.

Welcome to the Church.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum