Question:
I know there is the Chew the Rag Cafe, so I appologize for hassling you with my letter. Since I usually read these queries, and sometimes feel like responding, because it triggers something in me, sometimes a memory.
This is in regards to Ryan again and his humiliating experience at church. it reminds me of all the trouble I had when I was just developing a deeper faith 25 years ago. I suppose since he is discerning a vocation, I infer he might be as young as I was 25 years ago.
I had to deal with so much attitude from priests and lay people because I knelt for communion and wore a veil. Seeing a young girl do such things either brings out the best or the worst in people. My fellow parishoners (since some KNEW me since I was a baby) felt apt to be openly critical, under what I felt was a thin veil of so-called motherly/fatherly concern. (Frankly I just wanted to be left alone to do what I felt was right for me) Are you a Nun? Are you *going to be a nun*?? You are Distracting me! I couldn't keep my mind on mass because of you! (my fault??) Do you KNOW you don't HAVE to do that? Jee, you'd think I through acid on their eyes by how I looked or knelt for communion.
And that doesn't describe the big tiresome audible sighs I would get from the parish priest and deacons. They disrespect a "stupid girl" even more than a young man, but he will bring out the worst in people too. So, like Ryan wants to do, I began parish-hopping, but found the same reactions everywhere. Where I wanted to only rest in the arms of God in Holy Communion, I was confronted after mass by people who "meant well" but only destroyed my peace. Going to mass ultimately became a fear of the unknown (who if anyone will confront me after mass? Who will give me sly yet sarcastic grin today??)it, so I lost my focus on God. My confessor argued with me to NOT let it become a phobia by leaving the Church. I HAD to continue going to mass, nomatter how I felt, cold sweats or not...I finally after 6 years decided that (to continue going to mass) I had to give up the Outward signs of devotion, but I regret it now. Please Ryan, do not lose your peace!
It is my fault, but I flounder alot now spiritually. I still have problems attending mass on Sundays. I become very tired, and irritable on mass day. It isn't for the same reasons as I had years ago. I don't even know why, I just do, but I go anyway. Lisa
Dear Lisa:
Yes, there is the Chew the Rag Café. When people wish to discuss issues or topics that come up in these Q&As, they need to move to the Chew the Rag Café. I have rejected submissions that do not conform to the Q&A format. This is a forum for asking questions and not making comments on Q&As. Thanks.
As to your thoughts, these problems are always difficult, but we should never automatically recoil from humiliation. St. Francis de Sales said that "...a single ounce [of humility] is preferable to a thousand pounds of honor." It is by accepting humiliations that we are able to truly grow in humility and spiritual maturity. We need to embrace humiliations as mortification, which in turn brings us closer to God.
Another tidbit from St. Francis de Sales, where he pulls no punches, is in his Introduction to the Devout Life (a book every Christian should read without fail):
...if anyone calls you a hypocrite because your are devout...laugh at him. Although such judgments are passed on to us by foolish and stupid people, we must not forsake the path of virtue even with we suffer loss of reputation.
...if because of exercise of piety, advancement in devotion, or progress toward heaven men grumble, murmur, and speak ill of us, let us leave them to bay at the moon.
Let us always keep our eyes on Jesus Christ crucified and go forward in his service with confidence and sincerity...
Do not let anyone pressure you into abandoning outward expressions of devotion. In fact, it is a form of pride if we abandon our devotion because of the ridicule and criticism of others.
St. Louis de Montfort said in his, True Devotion to Mary:
Although what is essential in ... devotion consists in the interior, we must not fail to unite to the inward practice certain external observances. “We must do the one, yet not leave the other undone” (Mt 23:23); because the outward practices, well performed, aid the inward ones; and because they remind man, who is always guided by his senses, of what he has done or ought to do; and also because they are suitable for edifying our neighbor, who sees them; these are things which inward practices cannot do.
As for changing parishes when these things happen, we should never automatically or quickly decide to transfer to another parish. We need to avoid parish-hopping.
If one's parish has serious problems to the degree that one's faith and soul are in danger, then certainly it is time to find another parish. Short of that extreme, if there is a parish to which we are interested that is flourishing in the nurture of its parishioners it may be beneficial to transfer, but we must first thoughtfully and carefully consider the options before deciding to transfer. Transferring to another parish should never be a knee-jerk response to some incident or decided rashly. Think about it first.
Lisa, if your spirituality is floundering even a little, then return to those outward devotional practices no matter what the priest or parishioners say to you. These outward practices helps us to grow interiorly and in maturity. Do not let these "foolish and stupid people" rob you of your devotion.
God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary
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